Showing 1 - 50 of 72 results

Why have I started fantasizing about women when I've only ever liked men?

I have always been attracted to men, and have only been with men. I am currently happily engaged to a man, and have no doubts about our relationship. However, I've discovered over the past couple of years (even when I was with my previous boyfriend) that I do not like porn with men in it. I like lesbian porn! And anytime I've masturbated I've fantasized about women (never one that I know or have seen.) It's made me very uncomfortable, finally admitting it to myself. I do remember when I was in 7th grade there was a new girl at our school. When she got a boyfriend I was very jealous; I just assumed it was because she was new and I didn't have all her attention *ha* Is this normal? Am I out of my mind!?


If someone's sexually adventurous, does that mean they're more likely to cheat?

If my wife is sexually adventurous, does it mean she's more likely to cheat? My wife is slowly opening up to me about how sexually adventurous she wants to be (I'm talking bondage-type stuff), and I'm afraid that maybe she might cheat in the future if her "appetite" isn't met. I haven't voiced any of these concerns, I've been completely supportive of it and actually would be completely ok with doing all of it. I just worry that maybe the adventure-ness might be a sign of promiscuity?


How can I get over my boyfriend using porn magazines?

So my problem is that recently (about 6 months ago) I discovered that my boyfriend keeps pornographic magazines. We have been going out for 6 years. Much of that has been long-distance, but we have lived together for the last year. This discovery blew me away in part because until then my only complaint about our relationship was the fact that he didn't want sex nearly as often as I did — so now I'm angry that while I was feeling less than satisfied, physically, he was masturbating, and leaving me out in the cold. Since then, I've also noticed that he only wants to have sex after he's spent some time with his mags.

Given that I am horrified by the mere existence of this kind of material — I'm not going to get into a debate about its legality, but I truly believe it is exploitation worse than slavery. Given this, is there any way to work things out with him? In short, how far am I supposed to stretch my ethics, just because part of me believes that sexually, each of us is free to do what we want??


Does physical activity rev up my sex drive?

I'm curious to know if going to the gym increases sexual drive? I am a female in my 20s and recently started an exercise routine (running and weights), and I have noticed that my sexual drive has increased significantly. There have been no other major changes in my life, and I have been dating the same man for close to two years now, so I can think of no other real reason why my libido would have increased. Is there any real connection between working out in the gym and beneath the sheets?


What should I do if my boyfriend says no to role-playing?

I love my boyfriend, and communication is great, but things have gotten a little... boring.

I have this scenario that involves role-playing that I'm dying to try, but when I asked my boyfriend if he thought role-playing would be too kinky, he responded that he doesn't see the need for it and "why would I want to imagine someone else if I have you?" That was very sweet, but it makes me feel guilty to approach the subject again. I don't want him to think I love him less than he loves me, I just think it would be fun to try...

So, how do I tactfully re-approach this with him... or do I just try to forget about it and accept that we be confined to "business as usual"? Please help, Alice.


What should I do with her breasts?

I've been having this problem with my girlfriend. Whenever we make out, I get the impression that she wants me to do something with her breasts... but I don't have the foggiest what to do.

I'm sure that they aren't there strictly for my enjoyment; so, what can I do with my girlfriend that would offer her some pleasure, as well?

I've tried other sources of information, but most other sources either concentrate solely on the vagina, g-spot, and clitoris, or they simply state that breasts are an erogenous zone and leave it at that.


What does it mean if I desire anal sex?

I am a well-adjusted late twenties male with a steady girlfriend. Lately, I have been increasingly fantasizing about various types of anal penetration. I have discovered that during masturbation, this brings me very intense pain/pleasure. Even though I think it may be satisfying to experiment with a vibrator or other objects inserted by my girlfriend, I find myself drawn toward trying the real thing (i.e., having anal sex with a penis). The problem is, I definitely do not consider myself homosexual and, in fact, the thought of the actual act with another man actually repulses me. Am I trying to have the real thing without going through a bisexual experiment or what?


How do I feel more comfortable with a new sex partner?

First, I'd like to thank you for this service! It's been so informative to read the advice you've given others. I'm a female grad student and have just gotten into a relationship for the first time. I have a few questions regarding oral sex: my boyfriend loves to suck my nipples and I feel great when he's doing it, but after a while, my nipples start to feel tender and actually hurt sometimes... is this normal? He's not rough when he's doing it, so I'm not sure why this happens.

Also, when my boyfriend "goes down" on me, I worry about what he thinks of my smell and taste. He says he likes it, but I can't be sure... is there some way of finding out if my scent is normal? Can he pass any infections (to my vagina) from his saliva? (He has had only 1 one-night stand affair and he used a condom that time).

Also, I masturbate him (I stroke his penis) until he "comes," but I'm afraid of tasting his "come." He hasn't asked me to, but I think he would like it if I did... how can I overcome this inhibition? Are there any risks for me? I appreciate any help/advice... Thanks a lot!


How can we make it more equal when it comes to initiating sex?

I have been with my long term girlfriend for five years. I am seriously thinking about getting engaged.

Over the last three years she has taken control of our sex life. I have definitely become submissive in the bedroom. We don’t get into BDSM, but she always decides when, where, and how. She loves this control. While I have come to accept my submissive role, and I do certainly enjoy making love to her and pleasing her, I have asked her on many occasions for some variety. I would like to enter her sometimes and she has not performed oral sex on me for years. Granted, I am a bit under average in the endowment area and she always has a hard time reaching orgasm with straight intercourse. I have tried to talk to her, but she always shuts down the convo by making me admit that I love pleasuring her. Of course when we start fooling around I am so excited that I just follow her lead.

Honestly, I am very happy in every other aspect and I don't want to add any friction to the relationship. She is a very private person and doesn’t like to talk sex. Visiting a therapist is not an option as I have already subtly suggested it and been rebuffed. Should I be overly concerned? Should I continue to press the issue (although it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere) or just accept my role? Again, I do enjoy pleasing her and I usually get off. I guess I could be happy continuing this way and I don't want to lose her. I would love your thoughts.


What kind of lube should I use when I cock-stuff?

I have started "cock-stuffing" in the past year or so. I use a glass thermometer and insert it into my urethra. I know that this is wildly dangerous — as the glass could break — but I thought it safer as it is manufactured very smoothly.

I know other men who use a variety of implements — pens, markers, tubes, etc., but I have only done it a few times — and it seems that the glass — while not safe as it could break — is safer as it must surely be smoother.

I use my own saliva as a lube — as I am not sure if a personal lubricant — i.e., Wet, KY jelly, or the like, is safe. Not that putting a piece of glass into your urethra is all that safe to start with.

My question — in the end — is personal lube okay to use? Is this a common fetish — I don't do it often — and it doesn't seem to affect me adversely afterwards.

Thank you for any light you can shed on this.


Is my hair addicted to dandruff shampoos?

I have dandruff that responds well to over-the-counter shampoo. Ergo, I have been using the stuff almost exclusively for ten years. No brand in particular, sometimes zinc pyrithione (the blue stuff!), sometimes coal tar (the smelly brown stuff!). Anytime I switch to non-dandruff shampoo for like three to four days straight, I get my dandruff back. I worry that I might be addicted to dandruff shampoo. Should I worry?


What can I do to take care of my very oily hair and skin?

Ever since high school, I've had very oily hair and skin, but it became worse in college. Now I'm in my mid-twenties and have to shampoo my hair about 10 times each day to get it clean. Then by evening it's already oily again. This isn't my scalp trying to moisturize itself after being over cleaned, because I've tried not washing it completely and it's even oilier the next day.

Are there any special shampoos or medications that help reduce oily skin? I've tried some facial products from my dermatologist, but they haven't reduced the oil production. This is an embarrassing problem and limits the overnight activities I can do, like camping or staying with friends.


Why was my first time so painful?

1) I have never had sex, but I have tried now twice with my boyfriend, and it has been incredibly painful. It felt like there was a barrier inside me, and the second time I bled. I feel like I am relaxed, and my boyfriend is very gentle and slow, but it still really hurts — more than I think it should. I am able to use tampons — I'm not that small — but I don't know what the problem is. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Could there be something wrong?

2) I'm a virgin, and the first time my boyfriend inserted his fingers in my vagina, it hurt a lot, and I got sore down there. I didn't reach an orgasm, but faked it so he would stop. I didn't enjoy it at all and I was wondering... is this going to happen when I have sex? Is it going to be as disappointing?


How often should I wash my hair?

The last time I was at the hair cutting salon, the person who washed my hair asked me if I washed my hair everyday. I said I did, and she said she could tell. I'm not sure what she meant by this, but please tell me how she could determine this, and what is the best overall practice for washing hair in terms of frequency. I'm interested in the health of my hair as well as the health of my scalp. Thanks for you help!


Why is my boyfriend modifying his penis?

My boyfriend went down to the Village last night and came back with a pierced cock and I am completely grossed out by this. Moreover, he wants to have sex with it on, but it is of the type that would definitely scratch my insides up. What should I do? Also, he's thinking about getting his cock sliced into two parts. Alice, he's freaking out on me. I'm scared for him.


Does equal opportunity porn exist?

This might sound a little strange. My girlfriend and I (I am male) have thought about watching porn together as a sexual experience (we already read X-rated prose in bed). While I have actually never seen any of these movies, I know that they are predominantly aimed at heterosexual males. I would like to find something that is not demeaning toward women, so that we can be equally aroused. Any suggestions?


Why is my wife losing hair?

My wife has noted that she is recently losing hair at a much greater rate than normal. She feels her hair is significantly thinner (less density of strands) than in the past. What could be the cause of this?


How can I grow and strengthen my nails?

My fingernails fray and chip all the time. I have tried many different nail polishes and nail hardener but nothing helps. I've been trying to grow my nails for the past year and I just can't seem to get them to grow. My mother and older sister don't have any problems getting their nails to grow. Please give me some tips on how to make my nails grow stronger and fast.


What are the risks of gel and shellac nail manicures?

I love getting my nails done with a gel or shellac manicure. The polish doesn't chip at all and stays shiny for weeks. I'm just worried about the UV light used to seal the manicure - it is almost like a mini tanning bed for your hands. What are the risks? And are there any bad chemicals in the polish?


Is it dangerous to have sex with animals?

1) I recently had intercourse with a sheep at a friend's house. He is a sheeprancher and one day he was talking about how good it was. He left town for a few days and asked me to feed his animals. I took the chance and gave it a try. The strange thing is that I enjoyed it more than having sex with my girlfriend. When I was a young lad I was molested by a female babysitter. I was wondering if you may think that the earlier incident in my life has affected my sexuality. I liked it so much that I want to do it again, but I am worried that I may contract a STD from the ewe. I have heard that you can.

Could you please help me?

2) I have read about men and women having sex with animals, e.g., dogs (Women on Top by Nancy Friday, Simon & Schuster, 1991). Apart from it being against the law (I think), are there medical reasons why this is not a good idea? For example, are there STDs that can be passed from animals to humans? Are there immunological consequences from depositing sperm into the vagina of another species? Is this kind of sex common?


How can I get my girlfriend to swallow?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and I love her very much. We have a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, and we communicate well. Recently, I told her of my fantasy of her performing oral sex on me and swallowing my sperm. She said that would be "gross," and has never brought me to climax during oral sex because she does not want me to come in her mouth. I perform oral sex for her, and I enjoy having her sexual fluids on my face and tasting them. We have discussed sexual fantasies before and have pleased each other very much. But she will still not accept my sperm in her mouth, and I feel like she does not want to accept a part of me into her body -- that she does not have the fullest desire to please me. When I first asked her to do it, I expected her to want to pleasure me, to have desire for my penis. Now, I feel like she thinks my body is not desirable. My question is: what must I do or say to make her change her mind, to make her understand how much I wish she'd do this?


How can I control my body hair?

I'm only 18, but I have a lot of hair on my chest. I'm afraid of letting women see me with my shirt off because I don't want them to be turned off. How can I get rid of this rug and keep it under control without shaving daily? Also, is there away to slow down my beard growth? Shaving more than once a day can be very irritating to my face, but I hate looking so dirty.


How can I have better hair?

1) I was born with thick and coarse hair. It all sticks up when it is short. I lose confidence when I notice that people always look at my hair. Is there any way I can make them softer? Will medication help?

2) I seem to have very untamable hair. I keep the hair on the side of my head really short because of this. It's not that my hair isn't uncombable or anything like that, but if the hair on my sides grow even the slightest they start sticking out at 45-90 degree angles to my head, and there is nothing I can do about (I've tried everything but STIFF STUFF....). I look at other people's hair and they don't even need to blow dry or comb it and it sticks firmly to the sides of their heads. Is there a reason why some people have such easy control over their hair? Is it something I'm eating or doing wrong? Thank you for any advice!


Should I come clean about faking orgasms?

I have been in a good relationship for almost four years. My boyfriend is loving and generous and I have good reason to believe this will lead to marriage. (I hope!) The problem is that I have faked orgasm with him since we first started dating. At first I just thought it would be a fling and wanted to be "good in bed." As time went on, I realized this could be the real thing, but by then, it was too late to tell him the truth. It's not his fault — I have never been able to orgasm through intercourse no matter whom I was with or what I tried. I feel sad all the time for lying to him (sometimes he suspects I've faked it, but I still deny it). It just seemed easier to let him believe it because I didn't want to be a frustration to him and he seems so happy when he thinks he has satisfied me. My question is: should I tell him now after almost four years? I think he would be crushed! Maybe he'd be angry that I've lied so much. Maybe I don't want the pressure of having to really come. But I really don't think I can keep this bottled up inside anymore.

Sigh...


Can I use ice cubes to improve oral sex?

I see that in several messages and answers, that reference is made to oral sex accompanied by the use of ice cubes. I'm pretty ignorant about this and would be very grateful to you if you would tell me more about this. My boyfriend and I have a very good sex life and we enjoy making love, but we're also on the look-out for new things to try. I've asked my friends about this and some of them thought it was a joke! Thanks for the help.


Is there a connection between Depo-Provera and hair loss?

I have taken three Depo-Provera shots. My hair started falling out excessively several months ago. In looking for answers I found out that this is a side effect to the shots. I was not informed of that before I took the shots. I saw in one of your Go Ask Alice! answers that depo-provera suppresses the Follicle Stimulating Hormone and the Luteinizing Hormone. What is this hormone? Is this what makes my hair fall out? And do you know if there is anything I can do to stop it? My next shot is due by May 15 but I am not going to get it. Thanks.


How can I keep the flow going while my partner puts on a condom?

I am involved in a relationship with a man I love very much. That's the good part. My problem is that, with my very limited sexual experience, I am worried that I am not satisfying him. Also, I find it next to impossible to achieve an orgasm after the "flow" has been interrupted by his putting on a condom. We have talked about this and he tells me just to do what is natural and everything will be fine. I have read something about the subject, but nothing seems to tell me how to keep the proverbial "flow" going. I know that each person is a different case, but do you have any general advice? I'd love to hear some.