Why is my boyfriend modifying his penis?

Dear Weirded Out, 

Prince Alberts, apadravyas, ampallangs, and dydoes may all sound like mythological creatures, but these are all penis piercings and are more common than you might think. While you might find them unappealing, others choose them for reasons ranging from cultural, and sexual, to identity-related. Self-reflection and conversations with your boyfriend might help clarify why your boyfriend got one. These conversations might also help you decide how best to move forward in your relationship.  

Although your feelings and apprehensions are valid, your boyfriend might have some reasons for modifying his body. Piercing genitalia is often seen as an expression of sexual freedom. Is it possible that the piercing is part of his expression of his sexual identity? Perhaps your boyfriend got the piercing to enhance sexual experiences. Or maybe your boyfriend belongs to a cultural group where such practices are common, serving as proof of adulthood. Reflecting on your boyfriend’s motivations might help you feel less distressed and more understanding of his side of the situation.  

That said, the only way to truly help you understand your boyfriend's reasons for changing his body is to discuss it with him. This might involve asking questions, learning about his side of things, and expressing your concerns and feelings. To prepare for such a conversation, you might want to examine your feelings and understand the risks involved in body modifications for you and your partner.  

First, it may be helpful to name and then express what's bothering you: 

• Is it the idea of a piercing or body modification? 
• Is it the possibility that he is doing this for shock value or is trying to shock someone—you, in this case? 
• Are you wondering about how long your boyfriend's desire for body change existed? 
• Are you unsure about what this piercing means to him? 
• Are you concerned that this might be a sudden change in behavior? 

Perhaps you’re concerned about the potential risks of the piercing both for your boyfriend’s health and your own. It might be helpful to know what health risks you’re dealing with here. For one, penis piercings can cause nerve damage, which can interfere with sexual sensation and lead to erectile dysfunction. It’s also possible for penile piercings to complicate urination.  

Your views on your boyfriend’s piercing might also be wrapped up in his future plans—you mentioned that your boyfriend is considering another procedure involving splitting his penis. This might be alarming to you and seem more intense than just a piercing. There’s a possibility that such a procedure might cause disfigurement, infection, loss of sensation, and inability to urinate if the urethra is split. Split penises may also be more difficult to protect with condoms, so there might be higher chances of contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).  

There isn’t just a risk to your boyfriend, however—your partner and you might be more prone to STIs given that piercings can puncture condoms therefore reducing their efficacy. The two of you could also experience skin irritations or rashes if either one of you has sensitivities to metals. As his partner, there’s also the possibility of tissue damage in your vagina, anus, or mouth, depending on how you have sex. 

Your partner’s body modifications affect your relationship physically, sexually, and emotionally. However, your boyfriend does have the right to change and modify his own body as he chooses. While he might consider your perspective, it’s his body at the end of the day. After considering all of this, you might need to decide what you’re most comfortable with. Is it a deal breaker for you if he keeps his body modifications? If you do decide to stay together, you might want to discuss how you plan to have safer sex with his penile modifications. For example, you might talk about how you'll handle protection from both pregnancy and STIs. Additionally, you may want to discuss proper piercing aftercare, like waiting to have sex for a few weeks after getting a new piercing. This will help prevent the piercing from getting caught or coming loose. 

Whichever way you choose to move forward, asking questions, expressing your concerns and feelings, and learning about his motivation may ease your mind. If nothing else, it may help you decide what’s best for both of you.  

Best of luck,