Why does sex feel good?

Dear Curious about sex, 

Contrary to what some may think, mating for offspring certainly isn’t the only reason people enjoy sex! Sexual arousal can result not just from physical stimulation but from any of your senses being stimulated in a way that turns you on. Chemicals and hormones send signals from your brain cells to other areas of the body during sexual excitement, orgasm, and post-orgasm.  If you want to know the behind-the-scenes reasons why sex feels good beyond what you might consciously notice in the body, read on! 

What happens in the body during arousal, sex, and orgasm?  

Your body's reaction(s) to sex is coordinated by the brain and can take many different physical forms. In general, however, there are four stages of a sexual response.  

1. Sexual excitement: You might notice your heart rate and breathing quickening, nipples becoming hard, penis becoming erect, or vagina becoming wet.  
2. Arousal: You might experience muscle spasms, even higher heart rate, clitoris sensitivity, and vaginal walls turning a darker color.  
3. Orgasm: The peak of sexual arousal—you might notice involuntary muscle contractions, ejaculation, release of tension, and the highest rates of heart rate and breathing. The cerebellum, in particular, is responsible for the muscle tension during arousal and orgasm. This creates a feedback loop where the muscle spasms increase blood flow and nerve activity which in turn tells the brain to continue to be aroused.  
4. Post-orgasm: swelling in the body will diminish, heart rates and breathing rates will return to normal levels, and you might feel tired. 

What happens in the brain during arousal, sex, and orgasm?  

Physical touch can cause your body to become excited and activate the front medial lobe of the brain, which encourages you to start getting busy. These parts of the body, called erogenous zones, are more sensitive than others—like nipples, lips, and thighs, for example—and can help support sexual arousal.  

Visual stimuli also play a role in arousal. For example, being attracted to your sexual partner(s) or watching pornography can increase feelings of sexual excitement. 

Sex can also feel good when your brain wanders to sexual thoughts and fantasies. The frontal cortex in the brain may be prompting some imagined scenarios that can get you revved up. Sexual thoughts about your sexual partner(s) might also help you get going if feel emotionally connected to them. Some people experience enhanced sexual pleasure when they have an emotional connection to their sexual partner(s), while for others this isn’t necessary. Memories of things that have turned you on in the past or past sexual encounters (influenced by the hippocampus) can also enhance your current state of arousal.  

Additionally, sex can feel good because there are a lot of “feel-good” hormones and chemicals that are released throughout the body during arousal and orgasm. These include endorphins, oxytocin (released by the hypothalamus), and dopamine. 

Why might sex not feel good to some?  

All this said, sex doesn’t always feel good. This may be true for certain people more than others. Some people may have issues feeling or staying aroused, for example. This can happen for several reasons, including: 

• Emotional: anxiety, depression, body image concerns, and stress 
• Relationships: partner dynamics and sexual trauma 
• Physical health: fatigue, low levels of sex hormones, menopause, cancer, diabetes, multiple sclerosis (MS), and bladder problems 
• Medications: antidepressants, blood pressure medication, and chemotherapy 

If you’re concerned about sex not feeling good, consider speaking with a health care provider or mental health professional for help in finding a solution. 

It’s impossible to know all there is to understand about sexual pleasure since everyone’s experiences vary in unique ways. Hopefully this was a helpful introduction into the reasons why being turned on is so titillating.