I'm very attracted to one of my close friends. He used to like me and I used to like him. The other day, I told him I still liked him and that it'd be cool if we took our friendship further. But he just said he liked me as a friend. However, many of my friends have been telling me that he likes me more than a friend and that we'd be good together. After telling him how I feel, I think that he doesn't even want to be friends now, plus he is really awkward. How can I get our friendship back and break the awkwardness? How can I make sure I don't get rejected again by someone else?
I am an 18-year-old girl and it is my first year in college. I am also involved in my first physically intimate relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, I was having a lot of problems with feeling sexually aroused and being physical with my boyfriend. It made me cry almost every time. Then, I remembered some experiences involving adult sexual behavior (both physical and conversations over the phone) with my best friend in first and second grade. I had not thought of these experiences in years, and the memories, even now, make me feel sad, scared, and sometimes guilty.
I remember being afraid to see her and being very upset as a child about what we did. I don't remember much, only very small snippets of what happened here and there. I went into therapy at school, and I can be intimate now without crying, but these memories still bother me and I just want to know what to call it. Is this child-on-child sexual abuse, or just little kids exploring?
I really enjoy reading your answers on these pages, but here's the question that I haven't seen addressed on your web pages or anywhere else on the Internet. Can you please suggest some appropriate ways to ask a person with whom you're about to have sex if he or she has any sexually transmitted diseases? A few months ago, I met a girl with whom I had sex... and, as I found out later, she had herpes. We did use condoms anyway, but there was still some risk in catching herpes since we didn't use condoms all the time.
This is my first time writing, so thank you for being available! I have searched the web for any insight but haven't found much. Here it goes...
I have a friend at work who is very religious. He's not outspoken or boisterous about it, but it is generally known. I tend to keep away from talk of religion/politics at the work place — I am an Agnostic. My problem is that this friend sends text message bible quotes around holidays. They are foreboding and very fire-and-brimstone like. I am unsure how to handle these.
In the past I have ignored the messages, but at work I am asked if I received the messages where I usually reply that I had my phone off, or that I had not. To which he will resend on the spot. If I say I have received the message, then he will attempt to chat about it, to which I am resistant. I see this person almost every day, and he is genuinely a nice person, but I cringe around holidays. Doing anything drastic I feel will make things awkward, but more subtle tactics have had no effect. I don't even mind "Bless you's" or "have a blessed new year!" It's the fear and power and almighty thunder that really rattles my nerves. I feel stuck, what other options do I have?
Help me! I left my two best friends at home when I went to college. Now don't get me wrong, I love college! I'm making new friends and I even love some of my classes. I just feel like I'm forgetting these friends. I only get to talk to them for like 15 minutes, if that, a week. I feel like we are losing touch and I don't want that to happen. Can you help me? Thanks!
I've been going out with a girl here at my school for the past six months. Last weekend I went home (out of state), and fooled around with an ex-girlfriend. She called me last night and told me that she might have an STI. She went to the doctor this week and told me she would let me know when she finds out for sure. We didn't use a condom.
My problem is, what should I tell my girlfriend? I really love her and don't want to ruin things because of this stupid fling I had. But I can tell she's annoyed that I've avoided her all weekend. I can't exactly tell her next time we get together that I don't feel like fooling around, but I don't know how long it will be before I know if I'm infected. And what do I do if I am? Help!
Girls say that I am true "boyfriend material" to take home to their parents. The problem is that when I tell them that I am gay, they don't believe me. I've known some of these girls from three to eleven years. I've never "experienced" but have dated and kissed girls. They think that they can change me and make me become straight. How can I force the fact in their minds that I am gay without hurting them?
My friend has only been at college for two weeks, and she has already had sex with several guys. She is having safe sex, so it's not dangerous in that sense and she claims to be enjoying herself. However, it seems to me that such behavior is unhealthy and damaging to one's emotional state and reputation — but I'm not sure how to explain to her how I feel, or articulate what is wrong with her how she's acting. Do you think what she's doing is wrong, and if so, how should I confront her?
I interned somewhere this summer, and I think one of my co-workers has developed a crush on me. Now I'm back at school. He will still text or call every week even though he knows that I have a boyfriend. At first, I enjoyed our conversations, but I'm starting to feel very uneasy about what's going on. I have to admit, I may not be the innocent one either because I try to make pleasant conversation with him, and I really do like talking to him. I don't want to lead him on anymore, but at the same time, I don't want to make him mad because I've accepted a position at the company and I will be working with him again. HELP!
I need some information about panic attacks. My partner moved with me to NY and, at the time of moving, experienced several attacks of extreme fear.
This has paralyzed her to the extent that she no longer goes to work, her career is on hold, and she requires help traveling, if she travels at all. As well as being incredibly distressing for her, it's not helping our relationship either.
My question relates to my role in helping her recover from this. At present I frequently "overlook" the problem by going everywhere with her and being as supportive as possible. Am I an "enabler"? Should I make her "tough it out," or will she just get better?
I'm a junior in college and I live in a suite with five other girls. We are all best friends, except for one girl. None of us like her because she says anything that pops into her head (she told one of my suitemates, who is battling an eating disorder, that she looked pregnant), and she is constantly trying to find out gossip about us. After a night of fun, she will come into all of our rooms, and pump us for info (she hasn't gone out with us yet this year). She thrives on knowing gossip about anyone and everyone. My question is: how can we tell her to mind her own business and shut her mouth? Also: how can we tell her that we don't want her to live with us next year? Thanks for your help!
So my problem is that recently (about 6 months ago) I discovered that my boyfriend keeps pornographic magazines. We have been going out for 6 years. Much of that has been long-distance, but we have lived together for the last year. This discovery blew me away in part because until then my only complaint about our relationship was the fact that he didn't want sex nearly as often as I did — so now I'm angry that while I was feeling less than satisfied, physically, he was masturbating, and leaving me out in the cold. Since then, I've also noticed that he only wants to have sex after he's spent some time with his mags.
Given that I am horrified by the mere existence of this kind of material — I'm not going to get into a debate about its legality, but I truly believe it is exploitation worse than slavery. Given this, is there any way to work things out with him? In short, how far am I supposed to stretch my ethics, just because part of me believes that sexually, each of us is free to do what we want??
I am an 18-year-old male. And I lost my ability to reproduce in a bull riding accident at a rodeo I competed in about two years ago. I would like to father children more than anything. And now I have a girlfriend who is talking of wanting to have kids in the future. But I can't bring myself to tell her that I can't because I still haven't dealt with the problem of coping with it myself. I need to know how to deal with the fact I cannot have kids, especially now that my significant other wants them, but is ignorant to the fact that I am sterile. Please help me ASAP! This is tearing me apart.
I love my boyfriend, and communication is great, but things have gotten a little... boring.
I have this scenario that involves role-playing that I'm dying to try, but when I asked my boyfriend if he thought role-playing would be too kinky, he responded that he doesn't see the need for it and "why would I want to imagine someone else if I have you?" That was very sweet, but it makes me feel guilty to approach the subject again. I don't want him to think I love him less than he loves me, I just think it would be fun to try...
So, how do I tactfully re-approach this with him... or do I just try to forget about it and accept that we be confined to "business as usual"? Please help, Alice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have been a very happy couple. We love the companionship and we get along really well. Everything was perfect until we both found jobs in the same area and decided to move in together. Our relationship was still strong, but I have been feeling like I need space. Space to be alone. I told him how I felt. Without a doubt, he was hurt, but he packed his stuff and left. Now I feel like I made a mistake and I'm missing him so much already. It's only been one day!
I just turned 22 and have been with this guy for a pretty long time now. He is my first love. I see myself marrying him in the future. Yet, I am still so young and need to explore to experience other things. He is 100% sure that he wants to be with me, wants to marry me, and loves me so much. He has dated girls and has been in a serious relationship before. He got to see what is out there. So basically, we both see a future together, but I feel that we need some time to be alone for once. We are the type of couple to see each other everyday, but we both work full-time and have our own hobbies. Why did I feel so trapped?
My partner has a small clitoris, and she doesn't reach orgasm during sexual relations. I thought of a surgical solution that could correct her anatomy. I would like to know if there is some defined technique, such as liberation of the suspensor ligament of the clitoris, or liberation of the small lips, or both simultaneously, to expose more of the clitoris.
I don't know what love is. My family thinks it's a kind of trade, or reciprocity. If they do for me, they demand "love" in return. I'm pretty sure that isn't love. I'm an adult now, and have no desire to be indebted to anyone, hence I don't pursue relationships. But I'm pretty sure love isn't reciprocity, and I know I've never felt love. How does one go about learning to love?
My girlfriend and I have been dating long distance for about seven months. I have found out through keen observation and affirmation from an old roommate of hers that she is a rape victim. For the last three months or so she has been going through a lot of changes with job acquisition, living conditions, and I don't know what else. In this time, communication between us has grown to an insignificant level (in my opinion). It seems as though she is putting her job, spiritual drive, personal life, etc before me. Almost to the point that she doesn't want to include me. I think this has something to do with the rape issue and her ability to trust people. I think she may be unable to believe that I could love her unconditionally.
I have been thinking my situation over and don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart but I am receiving virtually nothing from this relationship right now. Do I hold on to her and give her the space to come to grips with her life and hope that I will be in the big picture later on, or do I end it on the condition that she needs time for herself to decide if I am an important part of her future life? Please respond because I'm crawling out of my skin.
Recently my girlfriend and I purchased a home pregnancy test and it came out positive. Four days later, we were sitting in a clinic awaiting her name to be called for an abortion. My girlfriend wouldn't hear of any idea but going through the process as quickly as possible.
Throughout the entire experience I tried to be as supportive as possible, taking as much care of her and giving her as much love as I could, and in the meantime suppressing as much of the stress I was under as I could; she has even told me that I was 'perfect' throughout the whole thing. The period following the procedure, though, has been a roller coaster ride: she was subject to mood swings, going from a state of total bliss in my company to practically despising my existence.
She told me she wants time away from me. She is convinced that an experience like this (an abortion) irrevocably changes a relationship. She is pro-choice, but this abortion has affected her more than she expected; she cannot shake the feeling that she killed our child — she has even dreamed about the would-be baby...
Now, I understand that an abortion can bring a person to her emotional knees, regardless of how she might have thought about it previously. But here I am witnessing her shutting me completely out... and I ask myself, is this how it has to be? I love her very, very much — she absolutely means the world to me. She has repeatedly let me know she feels the same about me. How do people deal with this crisis? Is this common? What are the resources available for CU students, post-abortion? How do I convince her that this doesn't have to be the undoing of our relationship, or am I wrong in believing this fate can be avoided?
1) I am a 19 year old female, and I am bisexual. I haven't come out of the closet yet, but I have told one really trustworthy friend. I am really afraid to come out of the closet because I know that my family will never accept it. That and one of my friends, I sort of like but I would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. So I haven't told her yet either. What do I do? I hate this whole being in the middle thing. She is really a great person and I can totally understand if she doesn't have the same feelings I do about her but I would really like to tell her the way I feel with out ruining our friendship if I did tell her. I know it's a rock and a hard place but do you have any advice for me? It would really be appreciated.
2) I'm an eighteen-year-old male. I'm beginning to become good friends with a guy, but I'm also feeling that I want something beyond friendship with him. I know that I'm bi, but I have never expressed it to anyone. I guess I fear the social implications of it, but then again I am a very liberal person. I can't stop thinking of this guy, not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a "relationship" context. He isn't dating anyone, but I have no idea if he is bi/gay or straight (he hasn't made any announcements, but he seems to be "playing it straight" as I am).
What should I do? I don't want to destroy a potential friendship by approaching him about this. But, I've never felt this way about anyone (male or female) and I don't want to let a potential opportunity slip by and be miserable. I'd also rather keep my sexuality a private thing, but I do think I can trust him.
1) I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost five months and I love him very much. We get along great and enjoy spending time together. However, sometimes I feel like we spend too much time together. I barely have time for work and school and still make him happy. If I tell him I'm busy he says he's okay with it, but later he gets mad at me for not making enough time for him and doesn't think I'm as committed to our relationship as he is.
This especially bothers me because I have pretty much lost my three best friends. They were never really crazy about him to begin with, but I didn't expect them to be best friends too. Ever since we have been going out, they do not ask me to do anything, yet I haven't really asked them to do anything either. I want to know how I can explain to him that even though I like spending time with him, I need time for other friends too. I don't plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, but if I did, I'm afraid my friends wouldn't take me back. I want to be able to make time for both.
2) My husband gets mad at me if I want to spend time with a friend. He says I don't have enough time for him. If I do spend time with a friend, he complains that everyone else is more important than he is because if I have enough time to spend with them I must have it to spend with him. I am only asking for one night out a month. We work together and spend every night together — is this asking a lot? My husband has no social life outside of me. If I don't want to spend all my time with my husband, does this mean I don't love him? He thinks so. What should I do? Help!!!
Hi! Your site is very helpful. I have a few friends who smoke. We are friends since the past four years; they started smoking about a year ago. They tell me to smoke, I don't do it, so they call me a jerk. I have never TOUCHED a cigarette in my life.
Should I smoke?
If I smoke one cigarette about once a week, will it harm me in any way?
Will it make me a chain smoker?
Which is the safest brand of cigarette, health wise?
I am a bisexual guy, and I have a problem. I have a girlfriend and a major crush on my best male friend, each of them are straight. I have already told my friend about my sexuality and my crush on him, but I am afraid to tell my girlfriend. She is an understanding person, but I think she might think I went bi because of her. How should I tell her? I am pretty paranoid about this, and I haven't even told my parents about my sexuality. Please help me.
After being on birth control pills for the past two-and-a-half years, I stopped taking them because of side-effects. Since going off the pill, my boyfriend and I have been using condoms with an additional spermicide. The problem is that he is having a difficult time having an orgasm. He says that the condoms do not provide him with enough stimulation to be able to ejaculate. As a result of this dilemma, our sex life has become almost non-existent.
Could it be the type of condoms that we are using? We're using latex condoms. What can we do? Our sex life is riding on this!
