Cite this Response
Alice! Health Promotion. "How do I handle unwanted religious messages from a coworker? ." Go Ask Alice!, Columbia University, 15 Jul. 2026, https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/how-do-i-handle-unwanted-religious-messages-coworker. Accessed 15, Jul. 2026.
Alice! Health Promotion. (2026, July 15). How do I handle unwanted religious messages from a coworker? . Go Ask Alice!, https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/how-do-i-handle-unwanted-religious-messages-coworker.
Dear Alice,
This is my first time writing, so thank you for being available! I have searched the web for any insight but haven't found much. Here it goes...
I have a friend at work who is very religious. He's not outspoken or boisterous about it, but it is generally known. I tend to keep away from talk of religion/politics at the work place — I am an Agnostic. My problem is that this friend sends text message bible quotes around holidays. They are foreboding and very fire-and-brimstone like. I am unsure how to handle these.
In the past I have ignored the messages, but at work I am asked if I received the messages where I usually reply that I had my phone off, or that I had not. To which he will resend on the spot. If I say I have received the message, then he will attempt to chat about it, to which I am resistant. I see this person almost every day, and he is genuinely a nice person, but I cringe around holidays. Doing anything drastic I feel will make things awkward, but more subtle tactics have had no effect. I don't even mind "Bless you's" or "have a blessed new year!" It's the fear and power and almighty thunder that really rattles my nerves. I feel stuck, what other options do I have?
Dear Reader,
Balancing respect for a friend’s religious beliefs with your own boundaries can be tough, especially when it’s at work. Religion at work can be a sensitive topic because it’s often personal. It can sometimes involve policy concerns, too. It may help to establish personal boundaries, be more direct in communication, speak with a trusted friend outside of work, or talk to human resources (HR) at your office for guidance. You might also look into your workplace’s policies on religion.
Read on to learn about how you can approach this situation with your coworker.
How can you maintain boundaries when religion is discussed at work?
It seems like your subtle approaches, like ignoring messages or telling your friend your phone is off, haven’t worked. That’s a good first strategy, but you may need to set some boundaries for yourself or become more direct in your communication. When determining what boundaries to set for yourself, it may be helpful to incorporate these strategies:
- Keep replies to your coworkers’ religious messages short and respectful
- Stop or limit communication outside of work hours
- Gently shift the conversations away from religion and towards work-related topics
You can’t control the messages your coworker sends you, but you can set boundaries for yourself by clearly defining what conversations you engage in while at work and outside of the office.
Are there specific rules about religion in the workplace?
Another step is to check if your workplace has any policies about religion. These documents can guide you on how to handle the situation with your coworker while following company rules.
It’s also important to know about Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, which is a federal law that protects against workplace discrimination based on religion. Your workplace might mention this law in onboarding materials or contracts. Reviewing it before you take any steps can help make sure your actions are fair and not seen as religious discrimination.
How can you approach communicating with your coworker?
If establishing boundaries hasn’t been effective, it might be worth trying a more direct approach. You might want to explain to your coworker what is making you feel uncomfortable. You could write down your goals for your next conversation. Practicing what you want to say, either alone or with someone you trust, can make it easier.
If you have someone outside of the workplace that you trust, especially someone with experience navigating complicated situations at work, consider talking to them. If you want a more neutral perspective, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can help you find ways to protect your well-being at work and may offer advice on having a productive conversation with your coworker.
Given the complexity of the situation, you may be tempted to vent about the religious messages you’ve received with another colleague. However, it’s probably in your best interest to keep the situation private among your work colleagues, unless you’re speaking with HR.
How can you navigate the situation with HR?
If you’ve found that your other approaches haven’t worked, you may decide to get HR involved. One main role of an HR department or representative is to help navigate complex issues in the workplace. They will likely act as a mediator to discuss and ensure the conversation stays on track.
HR will most likely ask for examples of the messages and ask you to explain why you are uncomfortable. You may want to keep notes or screenshots of any religious messages your coworker sends, in case you need to share them. Having examples ready and being prepared to reflect can help keep your thoughts clear.
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You and your coworker both deserve a positive work environment. It’s important for your coworker to feel comfortable expressing their religious identity, and you also have the right to feel comfortable at work.
With support from a trusted friend or family member, setting up boundaries, HR, or a mental health professional, you can hopefully find a balance between your needs and your coworkers.
Best of luck to you,