If my wife is sexually adventurous, does it mean she's more likely to cheat? My wife is slowly opening up to me about how sexually adventurous she wants to be (I'm talking bondage-type stuff), and I'm afraid that maybe she might cheat in the future if her "appetite" isn't met. I haven't voiced any of these concerns, I've been completely supportive of it and actually would be completely ok with doing all of it. I just worry that maybe the adventure-ness might be a sign of promiscuity?

So my problem is that recently (about 6 months ago) I discovered that my boyfriend keeps pornographic magazines. We have been going out for 6 years. Much of that has been long-distance, but we have lived together for the last year. This discovery blew me away in part because until then my only complaint about our relationship was the fact that he didn't want sex nearly as often as I did — so now I'm angry that while I was feeling less than satisfied, physically, he was masturbating, and leaving me out in the cold. Since then, I've also noticed that he only wants to have sex after he's spent some time with his mags.

Given that I am horrified by the mere existence of this kind of material — I'm not going to get into a debate about its legality, but I truly believe it is exploitation worse than slavery. Given this, is there any way to work things out with him? In short, how far am I supposed to stretch my ethics, just because part of me believes that sexually, each of us is free to do what we want??

I had my first sexual experience with my girlfriend a few months ago. She told me she was a virgin, but after having intercourse, I didn't believe her and was hurt. She didn't seem to be in any pain, there was no bleeding, and there was no hymen. She makes up all these excuses like "not all girls have them." Should I believe her? Is there a sure-fire way of determining whether or not I was her first? It is making me angry. Can you ease my pain?

I am an 18-year-old male. And I lost my ability to reproduce in a bull riding accident at a rodeo I competed in about two years ago. I would like to father children more than anything. And now I have a girlfriend who is talking of wanting to have kids in the future. But I can't bring myself to tell her that I can't because I still haven't dealt with the problem of coping with it myself. I need to know how to deal with the fact I cannot have kids, especially now that my significant other wants them, but is ignorant to the fact that I am sterile. Please help me ASAP! This is tearing me apart.

I have been dating a guy for well over a year-and-a-half, and we really enjoy each other's companionship. We have a great friendship and a great sex life. The problem is that I am finding myself attracted to another person. I think this other person has a girlfriend. Furthermore, I don't want to have a relationship with this other person — it's just that I find myself dreaming about kissing him because he is so attractive. I know I'm crazy because everything is great in my relationship and people envy the relationship I have with my boyfriend. I just can't get this guy off my mind. What should I do?

I love my boyfriend, and communication is great, but things have gotten a little... boring.

I have this scenario that involves role-playing that I'm dying to try, but when I asked my boyfriend if he thought role-playing would be too kinky, he responded that he doesn't see the need for it and "why would I want to imagine someone else if I have you?" That was very sweet, but it makes me feel guilty to approach the subject again. I don't want him to think I love him less than he loves me, I just think it would be fun to try...

So, how do I tactfully re-approach this with him... or do I just try to forget about it and accept that we be confined to "business as usual"? Please help, Alice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have been a very happy couple. We love the companionship and we get along really well. Everything was perfect until we both found jobs in the same area and decided to move in together. Our relationship was still strong, but I have been feeling like I need space. Space to be alone. I told him how I felt. Without a doubt, he was hurt, but he packed his stuff and left. Now I feel like I made a mistake and I'm missing him so much already. It's only been one day!

I just turned 22 and have been with this guy for a pretty long time now. He is my first love. I see myself marrying him in the future. Yet, I am still so young and need to explore to experience other things. He is 100% sure that he wants to be with me, wants to marry me, and loves me so much. He has dated girls and has been in a serious relationship before. He got to see what is out there. So basically, we both see a future together, but I feel that we need some time to be alone for once. We are the type of couple to see each other everyday, but we both work full-time and have our own hobbies. Why did I feel so trapped?

I don't know what love is. My family thinks it's a kind of trade, or reciprocity. If they do for me, they demand "love" in return. I'm pretty sure that isn't love. I'm an adult now, and have no desire to be indebted to anyone, hence I don't pursue relationships. But I'm pretty sure love isn't reciprocity, and I know I've never felt love. How does one go about learning to love?

I am a recent college graduate who has fallen for a girl that has just begun college on the west coast. Before she left, I told her how I felt about her, more or less, and she reciprocated the same emotions. How can I give this a good go? I know that long distance relationships (LDRs for short) are very difficult to maintain, but is there any sound advice that you can think of? I don't want to stifle her, but I definitely don't want to lose her either.

I recently started dating a man. On the first date, we became intimate (which I did not plan on happening). The day after, I told him that things moved too fast and that maybe we should get to know each other before becoming intimate again. My big concern is that I have genital herpes, and have been faced with the problem of becoming intimate before sharing that I have herpes. I came up with a plan on how to share this info, but it didn't happen in this particular relationship. Now, I don't know what to do because I am worried that I have shattered the trust in this relationship. Should I just walk away from it and use it as a lesson on how to approach a relationship next time or tell him?

What are some ways to identify and deal with unhealthy relationships? And what strategies can people use to enhance relationships? What are some internal and external support resources that are available for people dealing with unhealthy relationships?

Should you talk during sex or just make grunting and moaning noises?

I have been with my long term girlfriend for five years. I am seriously thinking about getting engaged.

Over the last three years she has taken control of our sex life. I have definitely become submissive in the bedroom. We don’t get into BDSM, but she always decides when, where, and how. She loves this control. While I have come to accept my submissive role, and I do certainly enjoy making love to her and pleasing her, I have asked her on many occasions for some variety. I would like to enter her sometimes and she has not performed oral sex on me for years. Granted, I am a bit under average in the endowment area and she always has a hard time reaching orgasm with straight intercourse. I have tried to talk to her, but she always shuts down the convo by making me admit that I love pleasuring her. Of course when we start fooling around I am so excited that I just follow her lead.

Honestly, I am very happy in every other aspect and I don't want to add any friction to the relationship. She is a very private person and doesn’t like to talk sex. Visiting a therapist is not an option as I have already subtly suggested it and been rebuffed. Should I be overly concerned? Should I continue to press the issue (although it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere) or just accept my role? Again, I do enjoy pleasing her and I usually get off. I guess I could be happy continuing this way and I don't want to lose her. I would love your thoughts.

I recently met this guy who is amazing. We get along very well. I really like him, and I would love to have a relationship with him, but I found out that he has pancreatic cancer and only has three to five years to live. I just really don't know what to do. I think it would be considered screwing myself over by getting emotionally involved with someone who is going to die soon. But, I also feel for him, and I think everyone should have a chance at love. What should I do?

1) I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost five months and I love him very much. We get along great and enjoy spending time together. However, sometimes I feel like we spend too much time together. I barely have time for work and school and still make him happy. If I tell him I'm busy he says he's okay with it, but later he gets mad at me for not making enough time for him and doesn't think I'm as committed to our relationship as he is.

This especially bothers me because I have pretty much lost my three best friends. They were never really crazy about him to begin with, but I didn't expect them to be best friends too. Ever since we have been going out, they do not ask me to do anything, yet I haven't really asked them to do anything either. I want to know how I can explain to him that even though I like spending time with him, I need time for other friends too. I don't plan on breaking up with my boyfriend, but if I did, I'm afraid my friends wouldn't take me back. I want to be able to make time for both.

2) My husband gets mad at me if I want to spend time with a friend. He says I don't have enough time for him. If I do spend time with a friend, he complains that everyone else is more important than he is because if I have enough time to spend with them I must have it to spend with him. I am only asking for one night out a month. We work together and spend every night together — is this asking a lot? My husband has no social life outside of me. If I don't want to spend all my time with my husband, does this mean I don't love him? He thinks so. What should I do? Help!!!

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years. Our sex life has always been the strong thread in our relationship, even when we've had trouble in other areas. We both feel we are the best sexual matches we've ever had. But over the past 8 months things have slowly degraded on my end. He is still as excited as ever, but I just don't feel like it. When we try, I actually feel physically protective, as if blocking my body from a stranger, especially my breasts. It's like a physical compulsion to protect, but neither of us have a history of abuse in our relationship or outside of it, and his approach is loving and open. When he's clothed and we're not about to have sex I love holding him, being held by him, standing next to him, touching him, etc. I'm not physically repulsed by his body: I recognize that he's a ridiculously attractive man! I had some advice that I shouldn't force myself to have sex if I don't want to, but I've also heard the opposite: that I should stop thinking and just push through my body's shutdown. Most of the times when I do force myself I end up enjoying it, but that doesn't take away this "repulsion" feeling at the start. The worst thing is that he feels rejected and dissatisfied and keeps asking what he can do to turn me on. What to do?

I'm an undergraduate student from China. And I'm going to the mathematics department with fellowship. I'm really very happy and eager for my future life in Columbia.

I'm now twenty years, but still have no girlfriends. Why? Because I'm a gay student. Sometimes I really feel very sad about that. You see, I'm also an emotional person and I'm eager for love, but I can't. I'd not prefer to make gay friends on Web sites since many of them are lying and I'm afraid to get AIDS. Since I'm very pure, good looking, and excellent in study, some classmates and schoolmates (male) show great affection to me. But I dare not accept it because I'm AFRAID.

Both my parents are professors, but they are very traditional and could not accept that. At the same time, I do not want to hurt them, so I really don't know what to do. I know New York City have a lot of gay students, and it's also such a "free" metropolitan city, so I'm really very glad, but still mixed feeling.

Here I wanna ask you:

(1) Are there a lot of gay students in Columbia University?

(2) Is there any gay club or activity in CU?

(3) What should I do now?

Thanks so much! I've seen your answer to a lot of questions and feel very excellent. Best wishes!

What should I do about my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend? Their friendship is getting out of hand. He is consistently telling her how regretful it is for him and he wants her back badly. He would go out of his way to see and to talk to her. This is affecting my relationship. It is affecting my girlfriend emotionally. This has been going on for four years. I met my girlfriend two years after their break up. He is now more persistent than ever.

I've noticed that every time I get my period, my boyfriend immediately starts acting uncharacteristically emotional, even before I do anything to let him know I'm on my period! Does he have irritable male syndrome, and is it possible for it to sync with my period?

When I'm "making out" with my boyfriend, I get kind of nervous cause I don't know where to put my hands. I know you're probably going to say just go with the flow or something, but like I'm just wondering, where do guys like to be touched when making out??? Thanks for your help~!