I am a bisexual guy, and I have a problem. I have a girlfriend and a major crush on my best male friend, each of them are straight. I have already told my friend about my sexuality and my crush on him, but I am afraid to tell my girlfriend. She is an understanding person, but I think she might think I went bi because of her. How should I tell her? I am pretty paranoid about this, and I haven't even told my parents about my sexuality. Please help me.
I'm an undergraduate student from China. And I'm going to the mathematics department with fellowship. I'm really very happy and eager for my future life in Columbia.
I'm now twenty years, but still have no girlfriends. Why? Because I'm a gay student. Sometimes I really feel very sad about that. You see, I'm also an emotional person and I'm eager for love, but I can't. I'd not prefer to make gay friends on Web sites since many of them are lying and I'm afraid to get AIDS. Since I'm very pure, good looking, and excellent in study, some classmates and schoolmates (male) show great affection to me. But I dare not accept it because I'm AFRAID.
Both my parents are professors, but they are very traditional and could not accept that. At the same time, I do not want to hurt them, so I really don't know what to do. I know New York City have a lot of gay students, and it's also such a "free" metropolitan city, so I'm really very glad, but still mixed feeling.
Here I wanna ask you:
(1) Are there a lot of gay students in Columbia University?
(2) Is there any gay club or activity in CU?
(3) What should I do now?
Thanks so much! I've seen your answer to a lot of questions and feel very excellent. Best wishes!
After being on birth control pills for the past two-and-a-half years, I stopped taking them because of side-effects. Since going off the pill, my boyfriend and I have been using condoms with an additional spermicide. The problem is that he is having a difficult time having an orgasm. He says that the condoms do not provide him with enough stimulation to be able to ejaculate. As a result of this dilemma, our sex life has become almost non-existent.
Could it be the type of condoms that we are using? We're using latex condoms. What can we do? Our sex life is riding on this!
I'm a teenage gal in a great relationship with another girl who goes to my school. We're both out to our parents and some friends, with okay reactions. The problem is, our school is pretty homophobic, and word is getting out that we're dating. My parents worry we might be physically or verbally assaulted at school. My neighbor, who owns guns, has already asked me about it, and I'm scared for our safety. What can two girls in a homophobic suburban school do? We don't have the same support system some college students do. We don't have a GSA and I don't trust any of the school staff much. Please help!
Recently, I've noticed that my one or two of my friends have taken to cutting themselves. I'm concerned for them... but I've done the same thing in the past and they know it. How do I confront them without sounding like a hypocrite?
I could not find anything on this on the web. Maybe you can help me. I have a woman in my life who I am considering marrying. The only thing really holding me back is the sex with her. The thing is that there is almost no sensation. Sex with her feels like I'm wearing a condom even though I am not. I am thinking that either she is "large" or "stretched out", or I am too small. Perhaps it's a combination of both. I've been with women who were so snug and tight that I was able to climax within seconds. With this woman, it is very difficult and takes more than 10 minutes. We've tried baby oil, "motion lotion", and KY heating gel.
Nothing works, and I'm fixing to find another woman just to satisfy me, which I don't really want to do. But I know that if I stay with her and nothing changes, I will cheat eventually anyway.
She has never had any children and hasn't really had all that many partners. I'm just thinking that she and I are not a good match in that department.
Can you please advise? Is there anything that she and/or I can do to make for a better "fit" and thus-a better sex life-and ultimately, lifelong monogamy?
You have an excellent service and give great advice. That is why I feel comfortable asking you this question. About three weeks ago, a group of my friends and I went out to a movie and then a club where we each had some alcohol. After the club, we went back to a friend's room where the group gradually dispersed until there was only myself, two male friends, and one female friend. We began to play sex games. Eventually, we all were naked, on my friend's bed. The female of the group was the center of our activity. She seemed to want it and even encouraged what the three of us started doing to her.
Although we all were tipsy, it was a great sexual experience for all of us, or so I thought. My two male friends have no problem with what happened. The only thing is that my female friend won't speak to us or return any of our calls. I saw her walking down the street the other day and tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't even raise her head to look me in the eye. Do you have any idea what is wrong? Could my friend feel that she was raped? I want to apologize, but I'm not sure what to do.
I'm having a tough time as a first year student. My classes aren't too difficult, I'm not very homesick, and I don't miss my parents too much. That's all okay. The problem is that I'm lonely. I have reached out to people in classes, in dining halls, everywhere! All I get in return is a brush-off. I give my phone number to people and they don't care enough to reciprocate. I sit with people during meals and never see them again. It's three weeks into the semester — have people made their friends already? I know there are people out there who are potential friends, but where are they? Are they also locking themselves up in their rooms and hiding in the library between classes and at night? I'm a nice, honest, and sincere person. I had a few very close friendships in high school and I'm not the outgoing party animal who needs a wide circle of friends to feel secure. I just need one or two close friends. People who are loyal and who need a friend as much as I need one. I just can't seem to find anyone who is as interested in me as I am in them. I'm a naturally shy and quiet person but my old friends tell me that once people get to know me, they'll really like me. I don't like parties, and I'd rather have one or two close friends than 15 acquaintances. What can I do?
For some reason I'm only attracted men who are about ten years older than I am (currently 21). I drive my poor mother crazy, but whenever I try to date someone my own age I end up finding them naive, too eager, and/or boring.
My last boyfriend was a med school student, he and I were together for a little under two years and he's nine years older. My boyfriend now is an economist, ten years older. I mean to say that these guys are not dumb or unsuccessful, and it's not just about sex. It feels natural for me to be with someone older.
Am I just a pervert, or should my mother be more understanding? Or both?
My problem is about vaginal dryness. I am an otherwise healthy twenty-one-year-old female, but cannot seem to get wet enough for pleasurable sex with my husband. We both get sore afterwards and I feel like I am not "performing" much like I would imagine a man would feel if he couldn't get an erection. Here's the thing, my husband doesn't want me to use artificial lubricants. Honestly I don't either. Are there any alternatives to K-Y? Is dehydration or draining enough fluids a factor? Any info would be of much help. Thanks so much.
I find that I get a feeling that I do not know how to explain; it is sort of a sad, discouraged feeling, when I see a black man with a white woman. I am a black female adolescent (20 y/o). I am not a racist. Also, I know of many people both black and white who are not racists but feel the same way. I am not angry at interracial couples when I see them together or anything of that sort. How can I be at ease when I see them, besides that it is not my business? I want to know what possible underlying causes can make people feel this way. How do I unlearn this habit?
1) I am a 20 year old male. My problem is that I have never ejaculated. I have no problem getting and maintaining an erection, but it seems as though I cannot ejaculate. If I masturbate for about ten minutes, my toes begin to become numb at a peak time. I have had several wet dreams, which I assume are semen. I also read an article where when passing a bowel movement, sometimes semen can come out of the penis. This happens for me as well. Do I have a serious problem? Eventually, I want to have children, and I am wondering if this could stop that. Thank You.
2) I don't know what to do! My boyfriend has no trouble becoming sexually aroused around me, but when we try to have sex, he just doesn't seem to be able to actually have an orgasm and ejaculate. He only has had one with hand stimulation when hand cream is involved, but not otherwise. Oral sex does not even work. This is very frustrating; he tells me it's his fault but I feel like it's mine. Plus, he says he didn't have as much trouble with his past girlfriends, but that he cares about me so much more than them. I'm really confused. Is there anything either one of us can do?
I am a girl, in love with a transgender guy. He was born with the wrong parts, but is truly the kindest person I have ever met. I love him very much, but I am afraid to tell my parents. "Adam" may have been born a female, but he is now a male, and is planing on getting surgery to prove it. My parents are Christians, and I'm not sure they will approve of him. Does me liking Adam, and female to male transgender people, make me a lesbian? Or bi-sexual? My parents deeply disagree with these things and I am afraid to talk to them about Adam.
I am dating a wonderful, intelligent, and caring man who happens to have cerebral palsy. We are both 20 years old, and this is the first romantic relationship he's been involved in. I am the kind of person who expresses things physically; through hugs, caresses, kisses, etc. Unfortunately, those sort of things make him terribly uncomfortable (psychologically, not physically). He's not used to physical affection and he just doesn't know how to interpret it.
He doesn't see himself as attractive, and it scares him to think that he can be so to anyone, let alone me. Having lived with a disability his entire life, he has pretty much dissociated himself from his body, it having been mainly a source of frustration to him. Is there anything I/he/we can do to help him feel comfortable in and get connected with his body?
I tried looking through all of the letters, and even tried searching, but I didn't see anything pertaining to this:
I've never had a blow job, but would like one...some day...:) I was wondering, if, when you peak, if it's acceptable to just let yourself cum inside the person's mouth? Should you give a warning? Should you attempt to restrain from it?
I realize this question may sound rather juvenile, but who else can I turn to?
I have been dating this guy for ten years. We both have physical disabilities and therefore have very limited movement. However, we have complete sensation. We really want to have sex but are having difficulty with positioning. Since I have a little more movement than him, I am going to be the one who does most of it. We have had two very unsuccessful attempts and are getting very discouraged. We really love another, but are losing hope. Any ideas?
What's the difference between a vaginal and clitoral orgasm? Is it only possible to have a vaginal orgasm during intercourse? If you can have a clitoral orgasm through other activity, but not intercourse, why is that? If your clitoris is stimulated during intercourse, will that give you a clitoral orgasm during sex? So how do you have a vaginal one? Can you have both at the same time?
Do you believe in going from one relationship that did not work to another, without regrets? How come some people can change their lives without looking back? Is it possible to grow old without regrets?
My father left my mother before I was born. They had a good relationship and were happy, but then my mom became pregnant with me. She had trouble telling my father, who was only eighteen at the time, and said she didn't expect him to play a role in my life. So, he left.
I've never seen him or spoken to him in my life. I have no idea what he looks like or who he is and he seems to have no desire to have anything at all to do with me. In fact, he ditched town the day after he found out. I'm mad... I'm mad at my mother for making it so easy for him to leave and I hate that man for what he did. I'm still young and even I can't imagine deserting a child and leaving them without a parent for their entire life. But then maybe that's because I know how it feels and I would never put anyone through that kind of pain. As a girl, I suppose it's hard to understand. Perhaps you can help me to understand his reasoning?
I am a woman who has always been attracted to other women. Until recently, I was attracted to men as well. Now I am almost exclusively attracted to women... which would be fine, except that I think this attraction has a lot to do with painful experiences I’ve had with men. When I was younger, my father was dominant and somewhat abusive, and my first boyfriend was emotionally manipulative and pressured me to have sex with him. After breaking things off with him, I had a very positive sexual relationship with a woman. Am I a lesbian, or am I a bisexual who is just afraid of men? If the latter is true, is there any way to get over this fear?
My "best friend" of almost 4 years now has always been competitive, but it's never been something we've discussed. Every time I'm wearing something trendy or saying something new, she will do the same thing. When we used to run in aerobics class, she would constantly try to beat my scores. I confronted her about that, but she never seems to learn — she still copies me and competes with everything from grades to guys. If I address the problems I've had in the past, I will look stupid because usually I would be the type to bring it up, but my life was too hectic at the time. Should I really "waste" time talking to her about her competitiveness? Or, is there a way to hint at it or persuade her to do something original?
I've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years. Our sex life has always been the strong thread in our relationship, even when we've had trouble in other areas. We both feel we are the best sexual matches we've ever had. But over the past 8 months things have slowly degraded on my end. He is still as excited as ever, but I just don't feel like it. When we try, I actually feel physically protective, as if blocking my body from a stranger, especially my breasts. It's like a physical compulsion to protect, but neither of us have a history of abuse in our relationship or outside of it, and his approach is loving and open. When he's clothed and we're not about to have sex I love holding him, being held by him, standing next to him, touching him, etc. I'm not physically repulsed by his body: I recognize that he's a ridiculously attractive man! I had some advice that I shouldn't force myself to have sex if I don't want to, but I've also heard the opposite: that I should stop thinking and just push through my body's shutdown. Most of the times when I do force myself I end up enjoying it, but that doesn't take away this "repulsion" feeling at the start. The worst thing is that he feels rejected and dissatisfied and keeps asking what he can do to turn me on. What to do?
Sometimes I think what it would be like to be with a man, romantically. I am a single woman, and have never had any relationships. Sometimes, though, when I am imagining what it could be like, it turns violent on me, in my mind, and I always end up being raped. This makes me apprehensive and scared of ever becoming involved with anyone. I am scared that everyone I meet will do this to me. I think that it wouldn't be too bad to be single for the rest of my life, but I want to be loved, to be held. What do you think?
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly four years and we are both approaching the engagement decision. We get along great and never lose the ability to have fun and laugh together. The only problem is that while he wants to engage in intimate activities often (we are still both virgins), I am not that interested. I love him, but I still don't get physically turned on with him as I do while fantasizing about other guys. Is it wrong to marry someone whom you don't feel a total "romance novel" passion for?
