How can I make friends as a first-year student?

Dear A Loner, 

No matter if it’s been three weeks, three months, or even three years into college, it’s never too late to make friends! Especially if it’s early in the semester, most students haven’t made friends yet. College is a new environment, and people need time to adjust. It also takes time to figure out what you value in your friendships, including how many friends you want to make or how close you want to be with them. Everyone goes about this in their own way, whether it means going to parties, going on study dates with classmates, or joining extracurriculars. 

Although it may not feel like it, most people are looking for a connection, whether they’re extroverted party animals or people who prefer to be alone. Even if you were brushed off by some classmates or feel more comfortable in a quiet place like the library, there are several strategies you can try when you’re approaching a potential new friend. 

• Be bold. Introduce yourself and ask for people’s names. Chances are that some of your classmates have been waiting for you to make the first move.  
• Talk about what’s going on. Open conversations by asking about something that you’re experiencing. For example, if you sit next to the same person in lecture every day, you could ask them how they felt about the homework. Check out the Communicating and Relating fact sheet for more tips on how to start these conversations. 
• Invite people to outings. Try asking classmates if they want to study, get lunch, or go to the gym together. 
• Join clubs and organizations. Colleges are full of student-run clubs, many of which are based around hobbies, sports, arts and crafts, or other interests. You might try finding one that suits your interests and meeting people that way.  
• Look into school-sponsored events. Free events like movie nights or field games are common in colleges. Look for postings in the dorms, libraries, lecture halls, or on social media accounts. Some schools may even sponsor field trips during holidays or breaks. 
• Seek out activities outside of school. Being involved in the community can be a great way to meet people even if they aren’t your classmates. Volunteering with a local group or consistently going to a nearby cafe could familiarize you with other people who frequent that space. 

Everyone has a unique background, identity, personality, and interests. You might find that you’re drawn to people more like you, but it’s not impossible to become friends with people who are the complete opposite. Whatever the case, developing a friendship takes time. 

These tips may give you a place to start approaching people. In the meantime, it could be helpful to ask yourself some questions to gain some understanding about where to start your friend search: 

• Do you have a roommate, or people who live on the same hallway who you’d like to get to know better? 
• If you live off campus or commute to school, how might this change the amount of time you spend on campus or with people outside of class?  
• Have you tried asking people for their contact information rather than giving it out? Have you tried following up with people who you’ve given your phone number to? 
• How do you usually approach people, and how do they react? Could the way you approach them be influencing how they respond? 
• How did you become close with your friends from high school? What worked in developing those friendships? What didn’t? 
• Do you know of any old high school classmates who go to your college? Would you feel comfortable reaching out to them?  

You might also find it useful to chat with a Resident Advisor (RA) if you live in the dorms, or a school counselor if you’re having difficulty figuring out the ins and outs of your new school. There may also be resources such as mental health services or other confidential resources on campus if you want to talk with a professional about making friends and adjusting to college.  

The first few weeks or months of college are a period of growth for everyone, and that means figuring out what kinds of friendships you want to make. Being intentional about reaching out to others and going to interesting places are great ways to meet new people. Your new close friends could be just around the corner, or in a place you never expected, but taking action may help you find them!