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How can I tell my religious parents that I'm a lesbian without them disowning me?

I have a question that I am very afraid to ask anyone else. I am a 21-year-old college student who has been in a three year lesbian relationship with my college roommate. We are both deeply in love with each other and when it came time to tell her parents about our relationship, they were very supportive of our decision. My parents, on the other hand, are a different story. I was brought up in a very strict Roman Catholic family, where homosexuality is very much frowned upon. How can I tell my parents that I am a lesbian and make them understand without disowning me?


Is anal sex okay if I'm in remission from Crohn’s?

I have had Crohn's disease for 16 years and am in remission right now. Recently my boyfriend and I have been toying with the idea of anal sex, but I'm concerned about it given my health issues. I have a lot of thickening of the terminal ileum walls and worry that the "trauma" of anal sex could set off a flare up and be painful because of the narrowing. Any thoughts? I'm way too embarrassed to discuss this with my male doctor. Thanks!


Why do I have allergies after moving to a new place?

I relocated to a new area within the past six months. Since then, I have been experiencing congestion in the morning and pressure in my sinus area, such as stuffed nose and difficulty breathing, at night when I lay on my back and in the morning. Although I do not have a cold, I seem to always have a small amount of drainage on a daily basis. Within the past week, I am sneezing quite a bit in the mornings and at night, my eyes are so itchy I can't help but rub them to a nice shade of red. I have never had allergies before, just for your info. Thanks for any tips.


How do I learn to not judge interracial relationships?

I find that I get a feeling that I do not know how to explain; it is sort of a sad, discouraged feeling, when I see a black man with a white woman. I am a black female adolescent (20 y/o). I am not a racist. Also, I know of many people both black and white who are not racists but feel the same way. I am not angry at interracial couples when I see them together or anything of that sort. How can I be at ease when I see them, besides that it is not my business? I want to know what possible underlying causes can make people feel this way. How do I unlearn this habit?


What are my chances of getting cancer if I have high-risk HPV?

I just found out I tested positive for high-risk HPV. My pap smears have been normal for years. I'm 45 years old and have had lots of basal cell skin cancer. I'm scared to death of getting cancers that are caused by HPV. I'm so stressed. What are the odds that I will actually get cancer, now that I am supposedly high-risk? It appears there it nothing I can do at all to prevent this from happening other than keeping up with my visits and pap smears and hoping I beat the odds. I just wonder at how much risk am I when they say I am HIGH-RISK???


What's polycystic ovary syndrome?

1) This is in reference to your Missed periods Q&A. Another cause of missed or late periods is PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). A lot of health care providers don't seem to be aware of this syndrome. In this syndrome, missed or irregular periods are caused by unusual hormone levels, sometimes in combination with insulin intolerance. Because missed and irregular periods cause scar tissue build-up in the uterus (which may cause endometrial cancer) and may cause infertility, it is important that your readers know to ask their health care provider about this syndrome. There are obviously other symptoms and complications, but I just thought that I might mention it to you so that you might read up on it for your readers. Thank you.

2) I was recently diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). I'm only 17 and am afraid that this will affect my chance of having children. Should I worry? Also, I know birth control pills will help me regulate my period, but if I take them, will it stop the effects PCOS has on me? Like me gaining rapid weight, missed periods, and losing my hair? This is really worrying me. Can you inform me on this syndrome?


Was I discriminated against?

I'm an Ethiopian student at a university in the US. I have been living in this country for many years and I love it. However, I've noticed a certain trend in people's general reaction concerning my place of origin. I speak English with no accent. When people first meet me, they assume that I'm an American. As such they behave normal until I tell them that I am a citizen of Ethiopia. At this point pretty much all of them immediately seem to develop a sort of superiority complex and start treating me as if I were an inferior being. They seem to respect me less and tease me every way they can. My opinions (even professional ones) are rejected as unacceptable.

Frustrated with this extreme prejudice, I lied to some of these people and told them that I actually am an American and not an Ethiopian. I noticed immediately that their attitudes towards me changed and started treating me as an equal. Encouraged by the result of this little social experiment, I've shied away from telling my place of origin to people to avoid mistreatment. However, I feel guilty doing it. Was I discriminated against because of my place of origin? Any words of wisdom for me, dearest Alice?


How do I talk about ableism without losing friends?

I have an invisible disability and I'm really getting into disabilities activism. Even in liberal circles ableism is still pretty accepted and this upsets me. However, when I try to educate people around me, it sometimes goes awry. I had one friend get upset when I called her out for using the word "retard." Another got upset when I pointed out that her Facebook post of inspirational people with disabilities (that just showed people with disabilities doing normal things) was a little offensive and tried to tell her about "inspiration porn." I get that using the word "retard" is normal as is "inspiration porn." I just don't think it should be.

I know my friends are caring, socially conscious people. I expect people to be a little upset, but ultimately I would also expect them respect the fact that it's really not OK to objectify people with disabilities in the way that inspiration porn and the use of words like "retard" do. What I want to know is how do I point out that people are expressing a harmful social bias, without having them get so upset that they write me off as an over sensitive concern troll?


How do I understand my racial identity?

I'm black and I have many white friends. It doesn't bother me at all until I get around a lot of other black people or around certain family members. Sure some joke around with me saying I'm an "Oreo." But it really gets to me. I'm tired of people saying "acting white" or "acting black" or "the man keeps putting the black man down." It doesn't take long for race to come up in a conversation with some people. And that's when I really feel out of my element. I know no race is perfect. But I feel like where blacks are now is nowhere near what Dr. King was fighting for. Maybe I'm too emotional about it, but everyday I still wake up black.

For instance, I love all types of music, including rock, classical and country music. And these are some reactions: 1. Why am I listening to that "white people music"? and 2. I feel out of place if I don't know one of the latest rap songs. It's little things like this that just make me want to wish there weren't any races. But races and different cultures are beautiful and so much can be learned. I'm happy and comfortable with myself, but not my race as a whole. And on some days, it really gets me down to a point where I just cry. Am I just chasing an insatiable dream?


How can I deal with disapproval of my interracial relationship?

My question is about interracial relationships. I came here from a really small town, very conservative — well, you get the idea. Now, my second week in, I met the most wonderful man. Only he is black. We have been dating now for over a year. He treats me wonderfully but I still get odd looks from people and my parents really don't approve.

I told them it shouldn't matter what color his skin is if I love him, but their small town values seem to say otherwise. How can I cope with the odd looks and my parents without losing my man?


Is sunscreen necessary for dark skin?

I am African-American, but my skin is not that dark. I was never told that I needed sunscreen and when I worked in a daycare I was told in a very delicate manner that only the paler children needed sunscreen. I've been out in the sun for extended periods of time and was wondering if sunscreen is necessary for someone of my complexion. If so, what strength?


Does being a lightweight drinker have anything to do with my liver?

Does the classification of a "lightweight" with regard to alcohol consumption imply anything about the liver? In particular, is there anything abnormal about feeling tipsy after only one beer (vital stats = 155 lbs., 6 ft.). I know my family has a history of liver problems and I have in the past drank to excess on many occasions. It has never taken much to become inebriated and now it takes even a little less. Should I be worried?


Will starting and stopping the pill increase my risk for cancer?

I have been on the pill for over a year now. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. We still see each other, but I have not had sex since we broke up. I don't plan on having sex with anybody else. My question is, if I don't plan on having sex for a long while, should I stop the pill? I am afraid that if I decide to get back on the pill, I will have an increased risk of cancer or something like that. Is this true?


How can I stay safe in a homophobic school?

I'm a teenage gal in a great relationship with another girl who goes to my school. We're both out to our parents and some friends, with okay reactions. The problem is, our school is pretty homophobic, and word is getting out that we're dating. My parents worry we might be physically or verbally assaulted at school. My neighbor, who owns guns, has already asked me about it, and I'm scared for our safety. What can two girls in a homophobic suburban school do? We don't have the same support system some college students do. We don't have a GSA and I don't trust any of the school staff much. Please help!


What should I do if I'm worried about my sexual inexperience?

I grew up in a religiously conservative family, and now I go to a private Christian college. I will be a junior this year, but I've known since freshman year that the school and the religion just weren't right for me. I love the education, but I'm afraid I'm sexually deprived. When I hear all my friends who go to public school talk about parties and sex, it makes me feel like I'm really missing out. I wanted to transfer, but it just isn't fiscally possible. I'm a very mature person, but I haven't done anything sexual (not even kiss!). The girl to guy ratio at my school is 3:1, and most of the boys are very awkward. I want to experiment, but no one at my school does that. I'm afraid that when I graduate, I still won't have done anything, and no one will want me because I have no experience.


What should I do if my religious parents find out I'm changing faiths?

I need some good advice. All my life, I've been raised as a Catholic. Both my parents are fairly religious, but I have completely lost interest in Catholicism as a religion because I feel it does nothing for me but preach and tell me how to live my life. It has now gotten to the point that I have become very interested in alternative religions, so much so that I want to change faiths. However, I'm terrified my parents will find out. What should I do?


What should I do if I'm a conservative Christian and I'm considering sex before marriage?

I'm a Christian, very conservative in upbringing, and I'm having difficulties in discussing sex in an open and casual manner. I told my male friends that sex should be done within the parameters of marriage. But they told me that I should have a first sexual experience so as to satisfy my wife or maybe a girlfriend (I don't have one yet). Should I follow their opinion regarding this? Should I first know the sexual dynamics of sexual intercourse before doing it with her?

I would appreciate your kind response.

Thank you.


How can I cope with recovery after cancer treatments?

A loved one of mine had a double mastectomy due to a rapid growing breast cancer, chemotherapy, and radiation. She is in her early 30s. She is a year out from treatment/surgery and suffers daily with aches and pains. She also has lymphedema in her right arm, which doesn't help with her discomfort. She feels pain in her joints, sometimes her back, she gets headaches, she is often fatigued, and she feels sick a lot. She's forgotten what it feels like to have her body feel good. Is this normal? She definitely has depression due to this and often thinks she will get cancer back somewhere else. It's been two years since her diagnosis and she has not felt a day of no pain and or sickness. I want to give her some good feedback, some light at the end of the tunnel so to speak (without using that phrase) to help her get through it. The doctors aren't too helpful. Mostly they want her to take more pills, which are becoming the size of a meal. She refuses to take the pills that are anti hormonal. I don't blame her; she can't handle the menopausal symptoms they give her on top of everything else. She is active and often just pretends to feel ok for others sake. She also eats well with a low salt diet to help the fluid in her arm. Should there, or will there be relief after undergoing so much stress on ones body?


Can a catholic and atheist get married without any issues?

I know that this isn't exactly your province, but I was wondering if maybe you could direct me to another website that might be able to help us. My boyfriend and I are both college students. We have been together for quite a while and are starting to think about becoming engaged, but there is something that disturbs us. He is a religious Catholic, and I am an equally devout atheist. This is not an issue now (we're both very respecting of each other), but we're afraid that if we become more serious, it might be a problem. Are there any resources you could suggest to us for ways to handle this? Or stories of couples that have faced similar issues? Thanks!


Do I have a milk allergy or am I lactose intolerant?

This may sound like a dumb question... But I really am unsure. What is the difference between a milk allergy and lactose intolerance? Or are they one in the same? I was in an accident when I was 14. I had emergency surgery on my liver and spleen. After about the age of 20, I have developed severe mad dashes to the restroom after eating anything dairy.

But I have a lot of sinus allergies... that seem to flare up after eating milk products. Although generally milk products do cause thickening of the mucus... I was wondering if severe congestion also goes with it? I no longer eat milk products, of course. But I recently read about a child with a milk allergy who could not breathe through his nose afterward... accompanied by severe coughing. I am now 40 and learned my lesson well... But still curious and always looking for additional info and answers!!


How can I tell my mom about my boyfriend and birth control?

I am 18 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. I love him very much! Well we started sleeping together when I was 16! I love him very much! I even recently got put on birth control! My family is very religious, but I want to tell my mother about us and don't know how. Can you help??


Why does my face look permanently sunburnt?

What is wrong with my face? It permanently looks sunburnt across my nose, cheeks and on my chin. Sometimes it appears worse than others. It is hot to touch and often bleeds. Typical rosacea treatments do not improve the redness or pain. I'm overweight but otherwise healthy. Thanks!


Is it bad to crack my back if I have scoliosis?

I just was diagnosed with minor scoliosis. I am 38 years old (today!). I do yoga and while at a retreat, was told by the instructor that it looked like I had a little scoliosis on the right side. I crack my back, neck, and so on. I mainly do this on my right side (the side I have minor scoliosis). I feel very tight if I don't do it, and feel better afterwards, but I just know it's wrong. I don't know if my cracking my back is worse with this problem, or if I do it because of this problem. I have tried to stop, but even when I stop for a short period of time (month), my right shoulder "pops" (not snaps or cracks like when I do it intentionally while doing certain activities, like push ups or bench press (and it will happen over and over). This also occurs on my right hip when I do things, such as leg lifts. What do you think? Will this possibly go away if I stop or are they not related?


What can I do about my coworker who's very religious?

This is my first time writing, so thank you for being available! I have searched the web for any insight but haven't found much. Here it goes...

I have a friend at work who is very religious. He's not outspoken or boisterous about it, but it is generally known. I tend to keep away from talk of religion/politics at the work place — I am an Agnostic. My problem is that this friend sends text message bible quotes around holidays. They are foreboding and very fire-and-brimstone like. I am unsure how to handle these.

In the past I have ignored the messages, but at work I am asked if I received the messages where I usually reply that I had my phone off, or that I had not. To which he will resend on the spot. If I say I have received the message, then he will attempt to chat about it, to which I am resistant. I see this person almost every day, and he is genuinely a nice person, but I cringe around holidays. Doing anything drastic I feel will make things awkward, but more subtle tactics have had no effect. I don't even mind "Bless you's" or "have a blessed new year!" It's the fear and power and almighty thunder that really rattles my nerves. I feel stuck, what other options do I have?


How can I live with fishy body odor (trimethylaminuria)?

After many years of confusion, I have been diagnosed with trimethylaminuria. It is an awful disease that has caused much emotional pain in my life. I was hoping that if the disease was discussed on your site that people's awareness may increase and perhaps people would not be quite so quick to judge others. I would appreciate it if you could post my message for this reason. Also, if the disease is caused by the lack of a certain hormone in my body, then would an injection of this hormone be a possible solution? In all of my research, I have not seen this discussed.


What’s up with the acid in my throat?

1) I have had acid coming up my throat from my stomach for the last 3 weeks. It comes up and just burns my throat. What is it? Do I have an ulcer? By the way, I get 3 hours of sleep a night, and my roommate doesn't help the situation.

2) I have recently asked you about my would be ulcer. I shall pose the question again. Lately I have this damn acid coming up my throat. I've been under a lot of stress and have strange sleeping habits. I am also drinking a lot of coffee. I drink about 5 cups of coffee a day and my roommate isn't exactly stress relieving. I go to bed about 3:30am and wake up about 5:45am for crew. Am I dying? Do I have an ulcer? What's wrong with me?


Is diabulimia a risky weight management strategy for type 1 diabetics?

I recently read an article in a magazine regarding a new disorder termed "Diabulimia." Supposedly, this is a disorder displayed by women with type 1 diabetes in order to lose weight. The women with type 1 diabetes, who take insulin shots, compared these shots to "injectable fat" and therefore they skip their shots all together.

The reason why this topic is so surprising to me is because I am a type 1 diabetic and have been for almost 17 years and I have gained weight since beginning treatment. What happens to the body when this occurs? Also, if a person tries to treat the "diabulimia," will all the weight that was lost be gained right back when she begins to inject the shots again? What other method of losing weight would you suggest for someone like this? I would never risk my life in order to lose weight, but I would still like to learn about it because it is something I have never heard of. Thank you so much!


Will living in New York City make my asthma worse?

I desperately want to attend school in NYC, but have one reservation. I'm asthmatic and I'm afraid that my asthma will be worse in a big city. I traveled to NYC for a week this summer and was fine, but have heard it could be worse in the winter. Can you advise me? I so don't want to let my asthma limit my dream of going to school in NYC.