Dear Alice,

As a bisexual young woman, I find myself thinking about both men and women, though my sexual fantasies more commonly involve other females. This has led me to wonder several things: At what age would it be appropriate to begin exploring sexual experiences with a trusted partner? I feel emotionally ready for this step now, but I'm questioning whether these feelings are normal for someone my age. I'm also curious about the relative safety of different sexual encounters - would it be safer to experiment with women rather than men when first becoming sexually active?

1) Hi! I have a question about orgasms. I'm a female who has masturbated since her early teens and wonder if I've "overdone" it somewhat. I did it so frequently (sometimes every other day or so; sometimes I waited longer) that now that I'm in my early 20s, I find it harder to reach orgasm, and harder to have multiple orgasms (it used to come so easily to me). Have I "lost" that momentum? Can I regain it if, say, I stopped masturbating for several weeks or months?

Also, my partner stimulates me manually or with his tongue, and I haven't been able to "come" yet... is it because I've masturbated too much? Do women take longer to come? I think he gets bored doing it...

2) My boyfriend has trouble ejaculating, usually taking a long time. I was wondering if it could have to do with his constant masturbation during most of his young life. Could it be that the problem is me? Is there a possibility that we can improve the situation?

I've noticed when I get highly sexually aroused, my fingers get numb, and so do my lips. Is this normal?