Why do I feel guilty after orgasming?

Dear Reader, 

It's not unusual for people to experience negative feelings after sexual activities at some point in their lives, so you’re certainly not alone. What you're experiencing may be related to postcoital dysphoria (PCD) and could stem from many factors, such as sudden hormonal shifts, unexplored thoughts about sex, and relationship issues. Read on to learn more about what may be contributing to your feelings of guilt and ways to cope. 

What might be causing your post-orgasm guilt? 

Given what you’ve described, it’s possible that you could be experiencing a disruption in the resolution stage of your sexual response cycle due to postcoital dysphoria (PCD). In the resolution stage, the body returns to its normal functioning, and people commonly experience feelings of satisfaction and fatigue. However, with PCD, intense negative feelings continue after sexual activities that last anywhere between a few minutes to a few hours. Some common feelings that people experience include: 

• Feeling sad and depressed
• Becoming more irritable
• Feeling anxious and panicky
• Experiencing confusion, shame, and self-blame for the negative feelings post-sex
• Feeling exhausted 

List adapted from Verywell Mind 

Why does PCD occur? 

While research on PCD is limited, there are some theories to suggest why these feelings occur. One explanation is that when sexual activities stop, hormone levels drop very quickly. The contrast may cause you to experience negative feelings. Although you don’t have apparent reasons for your guilt, you may unconsciously feel shame toward sex or may not be emotionally for sexual activities. Relationship issues with specific sexual partners, body image concerns, and psychological health issues may also play a role in post-sex negative feelings. 

What can you do about post-orgasm guilt? 

Allowing yourself to experience the feelings might be an important first step for coping with them. You can also try exploring your feelings by reflecting on questions like: 

• Are there times when you didn’t feel guilty after orgasm? If so, what’s different about those times compared to when you do feel guilty?
• Do the feelings of guilt occur only with specific sexual partners? Was there anything they did that triggered your feelings?
• What specifically do you feel guilty about?
• How did you feel before orgasm or before any sexual activity took place? 
• How long after sexual interactions do the feelings of guilt typically come up? 
• Beyond family, what other messages have you received about orgasm or sexual activity in general? Could that be contributing to how you feel? 

List adapted from Verywell Mind and WebMD 

As you think through these questions, you may also try journaling about your thoughts and feelings. This may help you identify any patterns in your emotional reactions to sexual activities and orgasms. Practicing mindfulness by paying close attention to your emotions and what you feel in your body might also help you identify the cause of these feelings.  

If these feelings become frequent and begin to disrupt your daily life post-orgasm, consider talking with a mental health care provider to better understand and address the cause of these feelings. You’ve taken a brave step in starting to unpack what you’re experiencing. As you continue to explore, you might gain more insights about yourself and experience sex with less guilt.