What can I do if my parents don't believe I'm bi?

Dear Reader, 

Congratulations on coming out! Sharing your sexuality with your parents can be a nerve-racking but liberating moment, especially if you're unsure how they’ll react. That said, it can be upsetting if their reactions don’t align with what you’d hoped for or needed in that moment.  

If you feel comfortable, sharing parts of your journey may help your parents recognize that your sexuality isn’t sudden. Another way to support them, and yourself, may be by connecting them with organizations that can provide resources on understanding sexuality. Read on for tips for talking with your parents, options if they reject you, and strategies to support yourself through this process.  

How can you talk to your parents about your sexuality? 

Do you think your parents’ reaction was more rooted in confusion? Or did it feel more like rejection tied to homophobia?  

If it’s the former, remember that your bisexuality has been part of your identity for some time, but the news might feel sudden to your parents. Sometimes, parents need time to understand that sexuality isn’t a straight line, but a journey full of curves and self-discovery. Many people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning (LGBTQ+) often find themselves helping family members through that learning process. 

To help them understand, consider discussing how you came to understand your bisexuality and what that journey was like for you. By doing this, you can show that your bisexuality isn’t impulsive, but rather a thoughtful path of reflection.  

If their reaction came from a place of homophobia, the situation might be more challenging. However, if it feels safe, you might have a conversation with them about sexuality and the LGBTQ+ community. It might be a better place to start than diving directly into things about yourself. 

What are some LGBTQ+ resources you can give to your parents? 

One way to help your parents better understand your experience is by pointing them to resources like Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) and Strong Family Alliance. These organizations offer reliable information on the LGBTQ+ community, help answer questions people may have, and provide support to family members. PFLAG also has opportunities to meet other parents who are going through similar experiences. This might help your parents feel less alone while learning more about the LGBTQ+ community. 

What can you do if they continue to reject your sexuality? 

Unfortunately, many LGBTQ+ people experience rejection and the emotions that come with it. There’s no 'right' way to handle these emotions. What matters most is choosing the approach that feels best and safest for you.  

If you choose to maintain a relationship with your parents, a few strategies you could try include:  

• Educating them over time: Some people share personal experiences, information, or resources that can help parents build an understanding at their own pace.  
• Setting clear boundaries: Establishing boundaries with parents can help maintain the relationship while dealing with rejection.  
• Navigating LGBTQ+ topics thoughtfully: Some people may choose not to discuss sexuality at all to avoid conflict or emotional strain, while others may be intentional in their approach. 
• Accepting ongoing conflict: Many people recognize that disagreements might always happen but still maintain the relationship in ways that feel manageable.  

If the feeling of rejection carries a risk of real harm, creating distance or even cutting ties with loved ones altogether may be the best option. If that happens, some people may choose to reconnect later in ways that feel less vulnerable, such as sending a letter, writing an email, or reaching out by phone. This way, they can bypass direct confrontation or being in the same physical space as someone while still opening the metaphorical door for communication. In these situations, prioritizing safety is most important.  

How can you support yourself through this situation? 

In moments like this, building a support system can make a big difference. For example, reaching out to friends, loved ones, or trusted family members can give you a sense of security if a situation gets difficult. At the same time, self-care can be a way to help with any mental struggles. Forms of self-care can go both ways—by either slowing down to give yourself quiet time through personal hobbies or reaching outward and leaning on community for strength.  

Community resources can also be valuable in supporting your mental health. Organizations like The Trevor Project and Scarleteen provide affirming spaces and offer opportunities to connect with others in the LGBTQ+ community. These organizations also provide resources and tools to help care for your mental and emotional well-being. You might also consider meeting with a mental health professional (if you aren’t already). This could provide you with a safe space to work through some of your more challenging feelings with a neutral party.  

Hopefully, with a little patience and supportive conversations, your parents might come around and appreciate your truth.  

Bi and bye!