Optimizing solo-sex

Dear Alice,

First let me say that I read your page every week and appreciate how open you seem to be about everything. It is because of this openness that I can ask you this without feeling embarrassed. First and foremost I am a 19 year old male virgin. You see, I recently started my sophomore year and am once more in the terrific dorms. I miss the isolation to masturbate whenever I want, but it is OK. My problem is this: because of the dorm life I have precious little time to masturbate. When I know my roommate is going to be gone for a period of time at a certain time I get excited with the prospect of a nice long jerk off session. I get really excited for this and seem "excited" all day. When the moment finally arises I start stroking myself and it feels amazing. The only problem is I ejaculate in 5 minutes max. I try to think of little things to make it last longer like a very loose grip, stopping before cumming for a while and starting again, everything. It seems I just can't hold my load. How can I prolong my masturbation so I can get the most out of my precious sessions.

Please respond ASAP!!!

— Minute Waltz Boy

Dear Minute Waltz Boy,

You are not a Minute Boy — you are a Five Minute Man. What's wrong with that? Rather than quantifying your solo-sex as a set number of seconds, try to think about how great it makes you feel. This way, instead of worrying about a five minute countdown, you can enjoy every second of tantilizing sensation. What pleasure you'll get!

Second, it seems that those five minutes of heaven are pre-filled with anticipation and excitement. How could you expect to last any longer than that, given these parameters? Perhaps you'd like to stay in the ring for a couple of rounds. You can designate the first time to just getting your rocks off, in the best and quickest five minutes possible. Then, you can go for it again! Time number two is the time to change hands, try it with lube, change your fantasy, change your stroke, and/or change your touch points, not touching the good spots as often or as hard. Or, you can tell yourself to try to come as fast as you can and see what happens. The main point is that the more times you do it "in one sitting," the longer it usually takes to orgasm the second and third times. This goes for partner sex, too.

Last, but not least, you can try the shower, where there is more privacy. Try using soap as a lube to go to town as much as you want... minus any evidence.

Last updated Jul 15, 2015
Originally published Nov 21, 1997

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