How can we make it more equal when it comes to initiating sex?

I have been with my long term girlfriend for five years. I am seriously thinking about getting engaged.

Over the last three years she has taken control of our sex life. I have definitely become submissive in the bedroom. We don’t get into BDSM, but she always decides when, where, and how. She loves this control. While I have come to accept my submissive role, and I do certainly enjoy making love to her and pleasing her, I have asked her on many occasions for some variety. I would like to enter her sometimes and she has not performed oral sex on me for years. Granted, I am a bit under average in the endowment area and she always has a hard time reaching orgasm with straight intercourse. I have tried to talk to her, but she always shuts down the convo by making me admit that I love pleasuring her. Of course when we start fooling around I am so excited that I just follow her lead.

Honestly, I am very happy in every other aspect and I don't want to add any friction to the relationship. She is a very private person and doesn’t like to talk sex. Visiting a therapist is not an option as I have already subtly suggested it and been rebuffed. Should I be overly concerned? Should I continue to press the issue (although it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere) or just accept my role? Again, I do enjoy pleasing her and I usually get off. I guess I could be happy continuing this way and I don't want to lose her. I would love your thoughts.


Is there a connection between soy products and male impotence?

I once read an article stating the soy products (espcially soy milk) can lead to impotence within males if taken to a high degree. I go through random bouts in my life where I cut out cow milk completely and drink just soy milk for long periods of time (not because I'm lactose intolerant but for argued health benefits). I'm just wondering whether drinking strictly soy milk every day (at least 3 10-oz. glasses for me) is overkill.


What kind of lube should I use when I cock-stuff?

I have started "cock-stuffing" in the past year or so. I use a glass thermometer and insert it into my urethra. I know that this is wildly dangerous — as the glass could break — but I thought it safer as it is manufactured very smoothly.

I know other men who use a variety of implements — pens, markers, tubes, etc., but I have only done it a few times — and it seems that the glass — while not safe as it could break — is safer as it must surely be smoother.

I use my own saliva as a lube — as I am not sure if a personal lubricant — i.e., Wet, KY jelly, or the like, is safe. Not that putting a piece of glass into your urethra is all that safe to start with.

My question — in the end — is personal lube okay to use? Is this a common fetish — I don't do it often — and it doesn't seem to affect me adversely afterwards.

Thank you for any light you can shed on this.


What's the difference between fluid during arousal and discharge?

This might sound like a gross question, but I do need an answer! When my partner performs oral sex on me, I'm not sure if my vagina is moist because I'm wet or because I have vaginal discharge... which is what? Isn't it normal for a woman's vagina to be somewhat moist, and to have a little discharge? When a woman gets wet, how can she tell? And know the difference between that and discharge?

Also, my partner and I haven't tried intercourse yet (I am a virgin)... I've read your previous answer to a man who said his penis might be too big for his partner; I am worried that I'm too small/tight for my partner. It doesn't look easy for him to even enter, and I don't know how I can make my opening wider to accommodate him (how much foreplay, how long?). How much pain does the woman feel? Thanks a lot!!


Why was my first time so painful?

1) I have never had sex, but I have tried now twice with my boyfriend, and it has been incredibly painful. It felt like there was a barrier inside me, and the second time I bled. I feel like I am relaxed, and my boyfriend is very gentle and slow, but it still really hurts — more than I think it should. I am able to use tampons — I'm not that small — but I don't know what the problem is. Is it supposed to hurt this much? Could there be something wrong?

2) I'm a virgin, and the first time my boyfriend inserted his fingers in my vagina, it hurt a lot, and I got sore down there. I didn't reach an orgasm, but faked it so he would stop. I didn't enjoy it at all and I was wondering... is this going to happen when I have sex? Is it going to be as disappointing?


What can I do if I'm experiencing an aversion to sex with my long-term partner?

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years. Our sex life has always been the strong thread in our relationship, even when we've had trouble in other areas. We both feel we are the best sexual matches we've ever had. But over the past 8 months things have slowly degraded on my end. He is still as excited as ever, but I just don't feel like it. When we try, I actually feel physically protective, as if blocking my body from a stranger, especially my breasts. It's like a physical compulsion to protect, but neither of us have a history of abuse in our relationship or outside of it, and his approach is loving and open. When he's clothed and we're not about to have sex I love holding him, being held by him, standing next to him, touching him, etc. I'm not physically repulsed by his body: I recognize that he's a ridiculously attractive man! I had some advice that I shouldn't force myself to have sex if I don't want to, but I've also heard the opposite: that I should stop thinking and just push through my body's shutdown. Most of the times when I do force myself I end up enjoying it, but that doesn't take away this "repulsion" feeling at the start. The worst thing is that he feels rejected and dissatisfied and keeps asking what he can do to turn me on. What to do?