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If my partner and I both have HSV-1 and HSV-2, will having sex cause more outbreaks?

I have tested positive for herpes 1 and herpes 2. My boyfriend has also tested positive for herpes 1 and herpes 2. This a a long-term stable relationship. Neither of us has outbreaks very often.

Since this is a monogamous relationship, do we need to use any protection for genital or oral sex? I understand that we both have antibodies for 1 and 2 so I don't believe we can reinfect each other. However, when I consulted some doctors and sites, they suggested refraining from any sexual intimacy whenever one of us has an outbreak or feels an outbreak is about to happen.

My question is: if we both already have herpes 1 & 2 can we a) re-infect each other or b) cause either of us to have more outbreaks? Also, can we spread the virus to other locations on our own bodies?

Thanks, Alice. I hope you can help us.


Are there tests for herpes and genital warts?

I have recently gone to a Planned Parenthood STD Clinic. From what they told me, they tested for everything "curable" (i.e., they did not test for HIV, genital warts, or herpes). I know where to get tested for HIV, but my question is: are there tests for herpes and genital warts? What are the odds of someone having herpes or genital warts and being asymptomatic? I plan to use a condom during intercourse regardless, but must I do the same for oral sex as well? Is there any way of knowing for sure if someone is clean of STDs?


Should I start PrEP?

If my husband takes antivirals or post-exposure prophylaxis can we still have sex with a condom and still complete the process like normal? It is affecting our sex life because he does not want to infect me. I don't want to be infected but I knew what I was getting into from the start. I might start PrEP as it is now available to me. What are your thoughts?


Why do I keep getting trichomoniasis?

I ended a relationship about a year ago. I have always seemed to have a yeast infection when I went to doctors before. In my relationship I had went to the doctors before because of discharge and just told them I didn’t need to really be looked at because I know what it is. Well at the end of my relationship I went to the doctor to get a whole check-up. Come to find out that what I thought was a yeast infection turned out to be trichomoniasis. I think I have had it for a couple of years now. I have gone to be treated for it two times. Each time it would go away and then come back. I was wondering if it was because I had it for such a long time?


Can I get AIDS from a mosquito bite or by handling raw meat?

1) Can you get AIDS from a mosquito bite? I heard you can't, but I'm really paranoid about this. Actually, it wasn't a bite — I squashed the bug and all the blood in it splattered everywhere and then here I am with someone's blood on a cut in my finger. HELP! I'm really freaking out. I don't know if I should get tested or not again, because I did get tested before (negative), but the anguish of waiting for results was horrible. Maybe I'm just ultra paranoid?

2) Is it possible to contract AIDS by handling raw bloody meat?


Will Valtrex protect me from developing genital herpes from a partner who has a cold sore?

Dear Alice, 

I take Valtrex daily to protect me from cold sores I get on my face. I haven’t had one since I started taking it a few years ago. My partner gets cold sores on his mouth and has recently performed oral sex on me while having a cold sore. Will the daily Valtrex protect me from developing genital herpes? How will this affect me in the future?


How can I get rid of pubic lice?

1) I have recently discovered that I have what appear to be crabs in my pubic hair. They are itchy and annoying and appear to be laying eggs. How do I get rid of them?

2) I think I have pubic lice, a.k.a. "crabs." Do I need to see a doctor about this problem, or is there over-the-counter medication of some kind I can use to expel the little buggers from their new home? Also, I'm curious as to how I got them since I haven't had sex for several months and this is a recent development. Can one contract this problem from sharing clothing, towels, or bedclothes?


How long does it take for HIV antibodies and symptoms to develop after exposure?

My question is about AIDS/HIV: I had a sexual affair that lasted two-and-a-half months, and, unfortunately, I was not using condoms. I happen to know nothing about my partner's previous sex life. I know that, for a test to show something, you must wait for six to nine months. I would like to know whether, provided that I am infected, I will experience any symptoms in this six to nine month period? Is it possible to have the virus and not have any symptoms or indications all this time? Right now, I am a graduate student and I am experiencing anxiety, fatigue, sleepiness, weight loss (three to five pounds in the last two months). Are these related to the disease, or is it just in my mind?


How can my long-distance girlfriend and I improve communication?

My girlfriend and I have been dating long distance for about seven months. I have found out through keen observation and affirmation from an old roommate of hers that she is a rape victim. For the last three months or so she has been going through a lot of changes with job acquisition, living conditions, and I don't know what else. In this time, communication between us has grown to an insignificant level (in my opinion). It seems as though she is putting her job, spiritual drive, personal life, etc before me. Almost to the point that she doesn't want to include me. I think this has something to do with the rape issue and her ability to trust people. I think she may be unable to believe that I could love her unconditionally.

I have been thinking my situation over and don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart but I am receiving virtually nothing from this relationship right now. Do I hold on to her and give her the space to come to grips with her life and hope that I will be in the big picture later on, or do I end it on the condition that she needs time for herself to decide if I am an important part of her future life? Please respond because I'm crawling out of my skin.


Can chlamydia make sex toys a vector for reinfection?

I have looked through your archives but have not found an answer to my question. I was diagnosed and treated for chlamydia about a month and a half ago. Do I need to get rid of any sex toys I have? Is it possible to become reinfected by using a sex toy that you used while you were infected if you wash it before using it? Please help me find the answer to my question. I really need to know ASAP! Thank you in advance.


Can I have some details about gonorrhea?

1) What are the symptoms of gonorrhea?

2) How long of a time frame could you have gonorrhea and not know it? The doctors say you can't track how long you have had it so how do we know? I feel my last partner gave it to me and that was nine months ago. Is that possible?

Thanks. I can't get much information in regards to this subject so I have no idea. And it can't be received from sitting on a toilet or anything of that sort, correct?


Do I have to disclose my past HPV diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with HPV three years ago, it has since cleared — become undetectable. Since being tested and learning that I had HPV, I'd been in relationships and told my partners prior to having sex that I had it and we always used condoms. The last pap I got showed that the virus had become undetectable. I'm currently single and what I'm wondering is, if I have casual sex (with a condom, of course), do I have to tell the person that I've tested positive for HPV?


What should I do if we became intimate before I told him I have herpes?

I recently started dating a man. On the first date, we became intimate (which I did not plan on happening). The day after, I told him that things moved too fast and that maybe we should get to know each other before becoming intimate again. My big concern is that I have genital herpes, and have been faced with the problem of becoming intimate before sharing that I have herpes. I came up with a plan on how to share this info, but it didn't happen in this particular relationship. Now, I don't know what to do because I am worried that I have shattered the trust in this relationship. Should I just walk away from it and use it as a lesson on how to approach a relationship next time or tell him?


Why am I still attracted to someone who assaulted me?

I have a huge crush on one of my coworkers. I am single but he is not, so I have never made any passes or encouraged myself to flirt with him. Five months ago, as I was the last one to leave from work (so I thought), I ran into him. I was surprised that he was still there. To make a long story short, he tried to assault me. I got away. I'm experiencing terrible confusion. I am still attracted to him! I can't stop thinking about him and whenever he ignores me (and he does...constantly), I feel like I'm going to go crazy!

I can't tell anyone; no one will believe me. They would say that I provoked him and that I wanted it to happen. I can't give up the job. I need the income to get through college! Why do I feel this way? What happened to me? Why would he do something like this if he has a girlfriend?


How can lesbians protect themselves from herpes?

1) All the information I have found about herpes is written for heterosexual couples. Are there studies about herpes in lesbians? How can I prevent transmission of the virus to my partner? I'm totally asymptomatic.

2) I'm female, in a relationship with another female. She is okay with the fact that I have herpes. I JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW TO PROTECT HER from contracting the virus. Please help me out here.


What can I do if my new relationship is affected by my partner's former abuse?

My current girlfriend is still getting over an abusive relationship that she was involved in two years ago. The abuse included repeated rape throughout the two-and-half-year-long relationship. She has never been able to enjoy sex and cannot bring herself to do it again. Despite her feelings for me, she cannot relax enough during sex for it not to hurt her. I have not forced her into having sex she cannot enjoy. We have been together for nearly a year now and the problem does not seem to be getting better for her. She has nightmares and is uncomfortable and afraid in many day-to-day situations. She is worried that going to a counselor will mean she will be in counseling for the rest of her life to get over this. This has become such a hindrance to us being happy that I sometimes wonder if it is best to stay with her to try to help her through this, or whether I am out of my league.


How effective are at-home HIV testing kits?

I got tested for HIV a year and a half ago. Since then, I've been with two other people. One guy was a virgin but we had unprotected sex sometimes. He was tested in December (after us being together for one year) and it came back negative. I'm afraid to get tested again because I heard that the guy I was with two years ago before I was tested is HIV positive. I was already tested after I heard this and it came back negative. But, people around campus just won't stopped talking and I'm starting to panic. So, I thought about doing an at-home test because I'm too scared to go to the clinic. I found an at home test that says that you can get at home results in 15 minutes.

It's called the HOME ACCESS and it says it's FDA-approved. Is this accurate? Also, I have another question: with the information I provided you, do you think I'm at risk?


Am I being teased or abused?

What is the criteria for determining if a relationship is abusive? My husband has never struck me in anger or injured me, but he is constantly poking, tickling, flicking me, etc. When I tell him to stop, he usually says, "Why should I?" and continues a little bit more. It's like a kid tormenting a little sister. He gets right in my face and sometimes pokes me in the chest while he's telling me something. There's never any anger until I get mad at him for doing it, and then he tells me he's just playing. The other night when I told him to stop poking me, he said, "I'll do whatever I want." That really bothered me. When he does get angry, he usually just ignores me, but occasionally he'll throw something (but not at me). What do you think? How can I make him understand that his "playing" is upsetting? Is this type of behavior a precursor of actual violence?


At what age can I get the HPV vaccine?

I am 28 years old, and became sexually active two years ago. My husband is the only man I've ever had sex with, and I am his only sexual partner as well. Where does the gene or whatever it is that the HPV vaccine helps guard against come from? Because I'm too old to get the vaccine, are my chances of getting cervical cancer from this particular gene increased then? Thank you for your help.


What are my chances of getting cancer if I have high-risk HPV?

I just found out I tested positive for high-risk HPV. My pap smears have been normal for years. I'm 45 years old and have had lots of basal cell skin cancer. I'm scared to death of getting cancers that are caused by HPV. I'm so stressed. What are the odds that I will actually get cancer, now that I am supposedly high-risk? It appears there it nothing I can do at all to prevent this from happening other than keeping up with my visits and pap smears and hoping I beat the odds. I just wonder at how much risk am I when they say I am HIGH-RISK???


Are there routine STI tests that I should be doing?

I have talked to my doctor, to my local Planned Parenthood, and to the local health department. I have gotten the same story from all of them, that unless there are symptoms or a reason, one shouldn't have STD lab work done (or that there wasn't a 'routine' inclusive screen). It wasn't until recently that I discovered that a lot of STDs are asymptomatic. Are there 'routine' tests that should be performed for each of us (besides my normal annual)? If so, where can one go for this kind of testing and what should be tested for?


Can you get HIV from fingering someone?

1) While I found a lot of info on oral sex and AIDS on this blissfully honest site, there didn't seem to be any info on "fingering" (not sure of the technical term?) a woman. I'm in a high risk AIDS country and recently "used my fingers" for a couple of minutes to delight a local woman who has turned out to be having her period. After noticing a considerable amount of bloody discharge, we stopped. But do I have a considerable AIDS risk? There were no cuts on the fingers I used but a small, possibly healed, cut on the thumb of the same hand. Break it down for me. I'm a bit on edge.

2) Can you contract HIV from anal fingering your partner if you had cuts/scratches on your fingers?


Who will see my STI test results?

I have been thinking about getting tested for STIs for a while now but have been concerned with medical privacy policy. From the research I have done, I have not been able to find if I tested positive for an STI would I be referred to in name as a 'risk to public safety' or simply as a statistic. I know that this will be placed in my medical records and documented for the rest of my life. Will I have a label attached to my name for the rest of my life? Who will be notified if I do test positive for something like syphilis or herpes?


Was I molested?

I really don't know what to call my situation. Some people say I was molested, others say I was sexually assaulted in the third degree, and others call it sexual misconduct. But when I was thirteen years old, I was touched by a fifteen-year-old boy on the bus for six months. I didn't want this or invite it. I would often fight and say no. He used to fondle my thighs and go into my pants. What is this called? Please e-mail me back.


Are there resources for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse and incest?

I am a male survivor of childhood (homo)sexual abuse and incest. I have recently stopped my horribly abusive alcohol and drug habits and am having to deal more with my issues now that I'm not using "painkillers." I'm worried that if I don't do something soon, I might be miserable for the rest of my life and may never be able to have a relationship or even sex. I am very hurt by the fact that there are no resources on campus for male survivors. All the groups are for women, as if male survivors don't exist. Anyways, please refer me to any resources you are aware of in NYC. Thanks.


How can I help my friend who's in an abusive relationship?

My best friend is in an abusive relationship! And he knows this! He married his wife about a year ago, when she was 19 and he was 21. And since then, she's verbally abused him, hit him, and even broke down their door once to get to him when he had locked himself in his room. But he refuses to do anything about it, since he "loves her so much." I hate seeing him like this. I'm worried about him. He's been physically hurt by her a lot. And while he can hold his own without getting seriously injured, it's painful to see. He calls me a lot, feeling upset about what she's done... I'm so worried about him.

He's told me he knows she's abusive, and that he wants to take her to marriage counseling... but I know that won't help. I don't want to sound biased, but she's very close minded and I know she won't listen to any counselor. But he "loves her so much" and "doesn't believe in divorce". What can I do to help him?


Why am I itchy after the condom broke?

I've just had my first condom break ever. I'm on the pill, so I'm not worried about pregnancy, but a couple of days afterwards I had yeast infection-like symptoms — no unusual discharge, just itching. If I pick up some over-the-counter yeast infection medication and the symptoms go away, would I be safe to assume that was the problem? Or should I definitely go in for an STI check?


Can you tell me more about male rape?

1) Is male rape possible? Where can I find more information on male rape?

2) Why is it that, in all the movies and stuff about sex, it is always the woman who feels pressured? I felt pressured my first time and no one would believe me if I told them. Any comments would be helpful.


How can I forgive myself after being sexually abused?

I am now 20 years old. When this situation took place, I was 16 or 17. I was living with this family that went to my church, and the lady's husband kept coming on to me. At this time, my parents were divorcing and I was depressed. I was so scared of this man because he was a giant compared to me. He kept asking me if he could touch my thighs. I kept telling him no because it was wrong, but I didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't even eat at night because I was afraid he would try to rape me.

So one day I came home from church a little earlier than the others did. He came in and waited until I got out of the bathroom. He sat me down on a chair and he kept touching me. I was so in shock that I couldn't move. That day he entered me and I didn't push him away, but I was crying and felt sick. Later on that week, he came into the basement where I stayed, and he performed oral sex on me. I felt really bad, but then again I did enjoy it. I felt so confused and cheap because after he was done he left $100.00 on my table. I felt like a slut. Then after a few weeks of him not even looking at me, I decided to talk to him and tell him that I was sorry and that we couldn't do it anymore and that we had to ask God for forgiveness.

My question is was it my fault for being in this situation or is he at fault for taking advantage of me? I have forgiven him, but I still have to work on forgiving myself. To me that is a very hard task because he is one of the elders in the church. What should I do?


How can I stop being afraid of seeing my rapist?

I was date raped by a man who I was seeing. I had broken it off with him a month before, but got into a situation where he attacked me. The problem now is he is friends with many of my friends, and he works at a place I must go to frequently. I haven't told my friends because I don't want them to confront him. I haven't seen the man since he raped me and I am afraid to. I know my friends will want to see him, and I know I will eventually run into him. I guess my question is what do I do when I see him? I don't want to talk to him, but I am afraid he will try and talk to me. I am scared of my reaction and don't want to have a freak out in front of my friends (although I know that they would understand). How can I leave this situation behind and resume normal life, not being afraid of seeing him in my everyday life?


What should I do if someone close to me disclosed they were raped?

I've been seeing this guy off and on for a few months. We're not a couple, but we're definitely more than just friends. (College is making it a bit difficult for us to actually be a couple.) But that's beside the point.

We were having a very serious discussion the other night, as he and I have already been through quite a bit. And all of a sudden he said that he was raped by one of his friends when he first started college. He's never told anyone that, except for a therapist that he saw for a while after that.

I've had female friends that have been raped (very few, thank god), and it just seems wrong to deal with him on the same level as I deal with my female friends. One, the relationship is different. Two, he's a guy, not a girl. There are obviously different sympathies that I need to give. The only problem is, I don't know how to show him that I am sympathetic towards him, that I am here for him no matter what.

Do you have any advice about how I go about this. I really want to be here for him, whether we remain friends, or become something more. Thank you for anything in advance.


What can I do if I'm sexually harrassed on the train?

I commute into the city every work day and usually take the same trains each day. Some time ago another man made a pass at me which I ignored. He persisted and made several other passes over the course of time. At one point, he looked rather pointedly at my empty ring finger. The next phase of events involved his pointing me out to other men he was with and asking about me. The next phase involved his becoming very agitated whenever he saw me, pacing back and forth. When another man began to accompany him on the platform, I initially thought my worries were over and that he had found somebody. Later, he began making passes again, sometimes with his companion joining him. I'm fairly introverted so the easiest thing for me to do has been to ignore everything. I'm also not homophobic. I know that most of the men that I know would never have tolerated his actions and I feel that he has taken advantage of my tolerance. I think he may also be misinterpreting my reaction!!

Sometimes I feel that I am locked into some mutually destructive game with him. Needless to say, this has all been rather stressful for me and I would like the situation to end. I've tried changing trains, but this is difficult for me because of my schedule. I'm interested in your reaction to the situation and any solutions you propose.