I recently went to my doctor because I've been unable to lose weight. I've been on a successful diet, accompanied with a reasonable exercise plan, but I've seen no real results. A series of tests were run — I've got optimum blood pressure, low cholesterol, and I am not diabetic. But, when my cortisol levels were checked — they were very high. The doctor suspected there was a possibility that I might have Cushings' Syndrome — but another test was run and that came up negative.

I was doing research on the internet, and I found that there was a link between excessive cortisol and depression. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12 (I am now 21). And I am currently untreated. What is the link between cortisol levels and depression? Are excessive cortisol levels a physical manifestation of depression? Or does an excess of cortisol for some other reason cause depression? Does an excessive amount of cortisol cause weight gain, or in my case prohibit weight loss? And if there is a connection — will treatment for my clinical depression (in the form of prescription pills) help me?

I've been unable to find answers anywhere, or at least a good source to tell me to stop worrying — any help would be appreciated.

Thank you for everything, and it is being appreciated by thousands. I have read all your advice to others and have learned a lot. However, I have a problem that I do not know how to handle. It started when I decided to turn myself around from being bisexual to straight (nobody knew what I was, except my best friend, who is also bisexual). I now have a big hole inside me that is being filled by the dark things of life (such as hatred). I had good qualities, such as a great personality, being open-minded, and I would rather go through life without it than turn back to the "bad" habits (please do not get me wrong, I will never judge gays for I have been close to being one). Please help me to fill the hole with life, to get back or improve on my qualities, and to gain the knowledge to approach and attract someone of the opposite sex. And one last thing, do you think it is wise to let my future girlfriend know what I used to be?

I really don't know what to call my situation. Some people say I was molested, others say I was sexually assaulted in the third degree, and others call it sexual misconduct. But when I was thirteen years old, I was touched by a fifteen-year-old boy on the bus for six months. I didn't want this or invite it. I would often fight and say no. He used to fondle my thighs and go into my pants. What is this called? Please e-mail me back.

My best friend has a weight complex. She constantly asks me if I think she's fat and even asks my boyfriend what he thinks of her weight. She isn't overweight and I just wish she would stop worrying about it all the time. Is there anything I can do to convince her she isn't fat?

I compete in an individual sport. The problem is that on the day of a major competition, I have really bad indigestion. Sometimes, I have to run to the bathroom every half hour for a bowel movement! Besides being annoying, disgusting, and a little embarrassing, this interrupts my competition and adds unneeded stress. Why is this happening and what can I do to prevent it?

1) I think I might have OCD. I worry about it a lot and I want to go to a doctor, but I am too afraid. Can you please tell me the symptoms of OCD. Thank you.

2) I think I might have OCD. Since I was about 12 or 13, I started thinking really strange thoughts. I always felt like there were eyes watching me. I know its irrational to think such a thing, and I know there aren't any, but I get this weird feeling there are. I have to cover my windows in dark colored papers and check for any holes in them regularly, so there isn't the tiniest hole for someone to peek through. I have shades as well, but I never feel like they're enough. I also have to regularly make sure my windows are locked, sometimes I'll lock and relock them a couple times until it feels like the lock worked. The same with my bedroom door, I will not sleep at night if my door is unlocked, and sometimes I relock it more than once, or even reclose my door more than once. It doesn't always feel like it properly shut the first time. I also have to turn any faces away from me. My stuffed animals can't look in my direction, and I wont hang pictures up in my room if it feels like it has eyes on it. I'm not scared of eyes necessarily, I know some people with beautiful eyes. I just can't take them staring at me. I also know they wont hurt me, either, but it feels as if somehow they will. I don't know how.

I'm really feeling like I might be going crazy. I'm stressed out beyond belief! Should I bring it up with my doctor? Should I get a therapist? Could this be OCD?

I was wondering if there is such a thing as attention addiction. I don't mean attention deficit disorder, I mean grown adults who crave attention and are addicted to getting positive or negative attention (like drama). Is there a true disorder where a supposedly mature adult can be addicted to drama and attention from other people to the point of doing weird behavioral things to get attention? And, if there’s a disorder, what are the signs and symptoms? Is a diagnosis required for the individual to attend therapy to help him/her stop?

Ever since I was in junior high, I have been pulling out my hair. I can remember not being able to pull my hair into a ponytail because the hair at the nape of my neck wouldn't reach. I still have this awful and shameful habit. I don't see it so much as just a habit, like the way one might bite one's nails, it's more like an obsession. I'll just sit and stare into space and pull clumps of hair out of my head. I remember having seen a program on T.V. which dealt with this habit as a medical problem that is curable with medication. Unlike the men and women represented on this program, I am not stripping myself bald — yet. I tend to consider it a form of self-punishment, perhaps. Just to give you some background information, I have a tendency towards bulimia (cycles of bulimia occur when my depression is at its worst) and am in general not a happy camper. What can you tell me about this?

I'm thinking about seeking therapy for my anxiety and I was wondering if you could talk about the different types of therapists out there. I know the difference between psychologists and psychiatrists is a psychologist didn't go through med-school and so can't prescribe drugs, but what about cognitive-behavior therapists versus... well, whatever else is out there?

Thanks!

Whenever I am physically intimate with a girl or even if I suspect eminent intimacy, I begin to tremble uncontrollably. This makes me feel quite awkward and self-conscious. Also this is the only time it happens. Is this a treatable disorder? Is there perhaps some sort of quick fix solution such as getting slightly inebriated before such an encounter?

I think I just had my breaking point. I don't know how much more stress I can take. I tried to check out stress-reduction workshops, but the next one is next semester. I don't really want to see a psychiatrist. I don't know what to do. Basically, I think a lot of my stress is because it is just so difficult for me to focus or concentrate on anything. My thoughts are running everywhere. I try, I really do. I even moved into a single for it. I feel so incompetent. I don't give a damn about making friends. I'm always feeling lonely. And worst of all, there is always something that makes me so worried, panicked, to the point of just wanting to die to relieve me of it. I have chest pains when I sleep sometimes. Whenever I do anything away from my desk during my designated "study time," I feel so guilty. Since transferring here this semester, I have never felt confident, relaxed, or satisfied about anything. Everything annoys me. I annoy me. This letter probably sounds really unorganized, but I can't organize my thoughts. I went to see a Broadway play and loved it, but just really hated myself for seeing it when there was so much work I had to do. I've decided I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of not being able to breathe and get chest pains when I get stressed. Please help me.

I am a male survivor of childhood (homo)sexual abuse and incest. I have recently stopped my horribly abusive alcohol and drug habits and am having to deal more with my issues now that I'm not using "painkillers." I'm worried that if I don't do something soon, I might be miserable for the rest of my life and may never be able to have a relationship or even sex. I am very hurt by the fact that there are no resources on campus for male survivors. All the groups are for women, as if male survivors don't exist. Anyways, please refer me to any resources you are aware of in NYC. Thanks.

What can you tell me about test-taking and mental block issues?

I am a graduate student, doing very well in my coursework and research. However, I feel extreme anxiety in doing anything, e.g., starting a problem set, writing a program, etc. I wonder, what are the common causes of anxiety and what I may be suffering from. I would like to be calm and relaxed and not anxious and stressed. I know about meditations, etc., but what I would really like is some psychological insight.

My best friend is in an abusive relationship! And he knows this! He married his wife about a year ago, when she was 19 and he was 21. And since then, she's verbally abused him, hit him, and even broke down their door once to get to him when he had locked himself in his room. But he refuses to do anything about it, since he "loves her so much." I hate seeing him like this. I'm worried about him. He's been physically hurt by her a lot. And while he can hold his own without getting seriously injured, it's painful to see. He calls me a lot, feeling upset about what she's done... I'm so worried about him.

He's told me he knows she's abusive, and that he wants to take her to marriage counseling... but I know that won't help. I don't want to sound biased, but she's very close minded and I know she won't listen to any counselor. But he "loves her so much" and "doesn't believe in divorce". What can I do to help him?

How can students get support after a suicide on campus?

I'm having a tough time adjusting to college. I miss family, friends, and home. On top of that, I feel like I am failing socially. Any ideas to get me out of this funk?

What do you do if you feel suicidal and don't have anyone to tell?

I've been "plagued" with this problem for at least a year now, and it seems to be getting progressively worse. I feel like I have lost the ability to communicate with people. Sure, I can make small talk about the weather and stuff like that, but I feel like I've lost my openness and humor with people. I figure I am changing and learning new things about myself, but this is getting ridiculous because it is affecting my social life drastically.

Whenever I get into a conversation with someone, either on the phone or in person, I become flustered. I have a problem with eye contact and I become very hot and sometimes I turn red in the face. Worst of all, my mind seems to be blank all the time and I can't get past small talk (even with my friends). I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to maintaining eye contact and continuing a conversation, but this pressure seems to fluster me more. I also seem to notice long pauses in conversation which I interpret as moments of awkwardness.

I realize that I have nothing to prove to anyone, but this problem still persists. I used to be very social before and now I am not. So what must I do to get by this? I figure, I'll just deal with it and it will go away, but it's been going on for too long. What must I do?

I look at my reflection time and time again, and I ask myself: "Is that me?" At some point during the past 3 years or so of my life (throughout which there has been no specific traumas I can name, recall, or otherwise), I have lost the ability to recognise my own reflection. Looking at recent photographs, I often have to take a few moments to recognise myself then. Older photographs are even harder to recognise, especially if I was unaware of the photo being taken. Do I suffer from some kind of neurological pattern-matching disorder? It reminds me of dissociative identity disorder, but I have no referential 'other identity(ies)' to work this from. Is this a common problem for 16-year-olds like myself, or am I going insane faster than I thought?

I have suffered from agoraphobia since the age of thirteen. I am now twenty. I have tried hypnotherapy counseling and psychologists and herbal tablets, but nothing seems to help me. Please, can you help a young, outgoing twenty-year-old who wants to start living!

I had an abortion almost a year ago and I have pretty much recovered emotionally from it, but every so often, I have "relapses," I become very upset for an hour or so and withdraw from the world. I in no way regret my decision — I did what I had to do — but it still upsets me. What advice do you have for me that will help me to get entirely over the abortion?

I'm a graduate student who is still trying to cope with shyness. I have extreme difficulty talking to people — even to people I see and work with everyday. I know making friends takes time and patience, but I seem to be at a loss as to how to develop acquaintances too. I've always been antisocial, but I never wanted to be. Who does, right? But I just don't know how not to be.

I'm studying a profession that requires a lot of personal communication; so, it's making me nervous and depressed whenever I can't overcome my introvertedness. But it's not my career that worries me the most. I sense my emotional well-being deteriorating every time I feel myself lost around others. Is there anything I can do to overcome shyness? I've been reading articles about the antidepressant drug Prozac and its success on passive people — should I consider it? Or are there places I can go for therapy? Thanks.

My partner gets nervous every time I see my psychotherapist because she doesn't like the idea of me talking about our relationship. For her, it's anxiety-producing because she fears there are things I tell my therapist that I don't tell her. For me, it's anxiety-producing because I feel like my therapy sessions should be a safe and confidential space for me and because I feel like having that space has made our relationship better overall. How can I assuage her fears and anxieties without feeling like I have to, a) tell her everything I say in therapy, or b) lie and say that she doesn't come up?

I have this problem with my studies. I feel that I need to work 24 hours a day in order just to keep up. I have been getting panic attacks and outbreaks of eczema because I am so stressed out. Can you advise me of any relaxation techniques that will allow me to unwind after a hard day?

1) Is male rape possible? Where can I find more information on male rape?

2) Why is it that, in all the movies and stuff about sex, it is always the woman who feels pressured? I felt pressured my first time and no one would believe me if I told them. Any comments would be helpful.

I am now 20 years old. When this situation took place, I was 16 or 17. I was living with this family that went to my church, and the lady's husband kept coming on to me. At this time, my parents were divorcing and I was depressed. I was so scared of this man because he was a giant compared to me. He kept asking me if he could touch my thighs. I kept telling him no because it was wrong, but I didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't even eat at night because I was afraid he would try to rape me.

So one day I came home from church a little earlier than the others did. He came in and waited until I got out of the bathroom. He sat me down on a chair and he kept touching me. I was so in shock that I couldn't move. That day he entered me and I didn't push him away, but I was crying and felt sick. Later on that week, he came into the basement where I stayed, and he performed oral sex on me. I felt really bad, but then again I did enjoy it. I felt so confused and cheap because after he was done he left $100.00 on my table. I felt like a slut. Then after a few weeks of him not even looking at me, I decided to talk to him and tell him that I was sorry and that we couldn't do it anymore and that we had to ask God for forgiveness.

My question is was it my fault for being in this situation or is he at fault for taking advantage of me? I have forgiven him, but I still have to work on forgiving myself. To me that is a very hard task because he is one of the elders in the church. What should I do?

I was date raped by a man who I was seeing. I had broken it off with him a month before, but got into a situation where he attacked me. The problem now is he is friends with many of my friends, and he works at a place I must go to frequently. I haven't told my friends because I don't want them to confront him. I haven't seen the man since he raped me and I am afraid to. I know my friends will want to see him, and I know I will eventually run into him. I guess my question is what do I do when I see him? I don't want to talk to him, but I am afraid he will try and talk to me. I am scared of my reaction and don't want to have a freak out in front of my friends (although I know that they would understand). How can I leave this situation behind and resume normal life, not being afraid of seeing him in my everyday life?

I've been seeing this guy off and on for a few months. We're not a couple, but we're definitely more than just friends. (College is making it a bit difficult for us to actually be a couple.) But that's beside the point.

We were having a very serious discussion the other night, as he and I have already been through quite a bit. And all of a sudden he said that he was raped by one of his friends when he first started college. He's never told anyone that, except for a therapist that he saw for a while after that.

I've had female friends that have been raped (very few, thank god), and it just seems wrong to deal with him on the same level as I deal with my female friends. One, the relationship is different. Two, he's a guy, not a girl. There are obviously different sympathies that I need to give. The only problem is, I don't know how to show him that I am sympathetic towards him, that I am here for him no matter what.

Do you have any advice about how I go about this. I really want to be here for him, whether we remain friends, or become something more. Thank you for anything in advance.

I commute into the city every work day and usually take the same trains each day. Some time ago another man made a pass at me which I ignored. He persisted and made several other passes over the course of time. At one point, he looked rather pointedly at my empty ring finger. The next phase of events involved his pointing me out to other men he was with and asking about me. The next phase involved his becoming very agitated whenever he saw me, pacing back and forth. When another man began to accompany him on the platform, I initially thought my worries were over and that he had found somebody. Later, he began making passes again, sometimes with his companion joining him. I'm fairly introverted so the easiest thing for me to do has been to ignore everything. I'm also not homophobic. I know that most of the men that I know would never have tolerated his actions and I feel that he has taken advantage of my tolerance. I think he may also be misinterpreting my reaction!!

Sometimes I feel that I am locked into some mutually destructive game with him. Needless to say, this has all been rather stressful for me and I would like the situation to end. I've tried changing trains, but this is difficult for me because of my schedule. I'm interested in your reaction to the situation and any solutions you propose.

I was raped by my best friend a few years ago. I was a virgin then, and still, years later, I can't seem to "go all the way" with anyone. How can I stop freaking out and messing up relationships?

Sometimes at night I'll have a dream, and then it'll happen! There's no knowing if or when it will happen, but if I have a realistic dream one night, it's bound to come true at one point or another. For example, in first grade, I dreamed that I was in a place I had never seen or been in my life. I didn't even know it existed. Then, in third grade, I walked into the room that I dreamed about in first grade. It was the computer lab of my new school. Or I could be walking down the street and meet someone I have only met in a dream, in the exact same scene as the dream. It is all very confusing, and I think it may be either some sort of precognition or a mental disorder. Could you please tell me why this happens?

I'm a man who has been teased about the shape of his body!! How is it a man in his 20s, who is physically in great shape, has "women's" hips? I asked my doctor and he said a bunch of mumbo jumbo. They are in exact proportion to a woman sized 12 (waist, too). My wife doesn't mind it, but it really bothers me! The only thing you tell that I wasn't a woman is the fact I don't talk that high and also the breast issue (not having them).

I'm the peacemaker among my friends, the introverted listener. But lately I find myself dealing with my friends and their problems more than ever. The problems drift from abuse in their homes, relationship problems, suicide, and MORE! It seems like I'm walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders — literally, and its making me dive headfirst into depression. Don't get me wrong, I like being trusted and thought wise for advice I give, but sometimes I know I'm just being used, and all I need to do is listen. But I also feel helpless towards many of the situations, example, drug abuse or violence in their homes. They're expecting my help most of the time! I can't suggest counselors, because it's un-thought of here, my friends usually have been to more than their fair share in their years, and it flat out doesn't work. Our school counselors are bogus, teachers really don't listen, and I'm a small girl who can't necessarily take on the world!! On top of trying to help friends of mine (close and not-to-close) I've got my own problems too! It's insane.

I frequently drift into talking to myself when alone or even when walking on the street. Is this healthy? I find that so long as I don't talk for a long time, it leaves a good effect on me. However, sometimes it's just a sub-conscious way of wasting time. Should I actively try to stop myself from this self-talking, or should I let myself "be natural"? I am twenty-four!

I have a problem with hate. I hate my older brother. He molested me when I was young, and now I'm nineteen and I still have to live in the same house as him. My parents know what happened, but they just don't talk about it. I understand that it's hard to deal with. However, I never talk to my brother, and when I move out of my house, I don't plan on ever talking to him again. I don't think this is healthy, but there is nothing that I can do about my hate.

I want to become a male but I'm trapped in a female's body. I recently saw "Boys Don't Cry" and everything Teena felt I felt. Becoming a male would make me truly happy but I'm hopeless and desperate for a first step to take. I only cross dress in privacy and around my close confidants. My mother would die if she found out. Lately I have been feeling suicidal over my complete and dire unhappiness and uneasiness. PLEASE HELP ME!

My father just died. I'm really depressed. I'm not looking for sympathy, so I haven't told any of my friends. I'm not on good terms with my family and that has made the situation all the more difficult. I feel like I need somebody to talk to, but I'm afraid to approach my friends. I know in situations like this people over-compensate by smothering the person with sympathy and attention. What I need is the exact opposite. I need to work this out on my own. Maybe someone that will be there when I want them to be. I'm not looking for the number of a hotline where I will just end up talking to a stranger. Nor do I want to talk to the counselors or any other strangers. You're the first person that I've said anything to about this. Who can I talk to about this?

A loved one of mine had a double mastectomy due to a rapid growing breast cancer, chemotherapy, and radiation. She is in her early 30s. She is a year out from treatment/surgery and suffers daily with aches and pains. She also has lymphedema in her right arm, which doesn't help with her discomfort. She feels pain in her joints, sometimes her back, she gets headaches, she is often fatigued, and she feels sick a lot. She's forgotten what it feels like to have her body feel good. Is this normal? She definitely has depression due to this and often thinks she will get cancer back somewhere else. It's been two years since her diagnosis and she has not felt a day of no pain and or sickness. I want to give her some good feedback, some light at the end of the tunnel so to speak (without using that phrase) to help her get through it. The doctors aren't too helpful. Mostly they want her to take more pills, which are becoming the size of a meal. She refuses to take the pills that are anti hormonal. I don't blame her; she can't handle the menopausal symptoms they give her on top of everything else. She is active and often just pretends to feel ok for others sake. She also eats well with a low salt diet to help the fluid in her arm. Should there, or will there be relief after undergoing so much stress on ones body?

I'm only 18, but I have a lot of hair on my chest. I'm afraid of letting women see me with my shirt off because I don't want them to be turned off. How can I get rid of this rug and keep it under control without shaving daily? Also, is there away to slow down my beard growth? Shaving more than once a day can be very irritating to my face, but I hate looking so dirty.

Please help! My fiancé is leaving to go serve his country in Iraq for a year and I am beside myself with worry. It's gotten to the point where I can't sleep or even concentrate on anything. My doctor tried to make me get on antidepressants, but I'm not depressed, just stressed and worried. Any suggestions on medications or at home techniques I can try to make myself relax and not think about it?

I don't have what would qualify for legitimate reason to go to the campus counseling center. Is this service typically only for medical related problems? I just want to be able to talk to someone about some of my problems right now. I feel like I "know" the answer to all my questions (regarding time management, developing healthy eating and sleeping habits, confusion, signs of depression, life management, etc., etc.). However, I thought it would be helpful to talk to a professional that would help me talk through some of things I'm thinking about. Who can I see?

1) I have been a student for two years now and still suffer from terrible anxiety when it comes to doing a presentation or speaking in class. When it comes to presenting in front of my classmates I become so nervous that I can barely speak. I perspire; there is minimal shaking; feel so embarrassed that it even makes me want to cry. Now I even feel physically ill. It has gotten to the point where I refused to do a presentation last semester and my grade was badly affected. I know everyone becomes anxious in such situations but I truly feel there is something else going on with me because I've had to do presentations before coming to school but never felt this terrible. Even speaking in class is a very hard struggle, and my grades depend on it!

2) I have an extreme problem with speaking in front of groups of people (especially speeches). I can't do them! My voice either doesn't say anything, or it shakes like I am going to cry or something. I know public speaking is like the most common fear, but mine is one I must confront. What kind of options do I have besides books? Any ideas?

I am a New Yorker who is in college at the moment. Several of my friends from school are living and working in the city this summer, and I love having them around. Whenever I make plans with them, though, I feel a great pressure to make sure they have a good time. As the person who knows New York best (the subway, good restaurants, etc.), I feel like it is my responsibility to make plans and decisions when we go out, and I feel inordinately guilty or embarrassed if the plans ever go awry (e.g., if I mistake the address of a bar, if a restaurant turns out to be unexpectedly expensive, or even if the local subway line unexpectedly switches to the express — things that are often totally out of my control). I know this is silly; my friends can clearly take care of themselves, and I know they don't depend on me for fun. But the pressure that I create for myself is detracting from my own enjoyment. How can I stop holding myself to these absurd expectations and just enjoy myself?