Should I tell my gyn I'm having lesbian sex?

Dear Reader, 

If you don’t feel comfortable, it's okay to keep your sexuality private. That said, opening up about these details can help your gynecologist recommend the right health services based on your needs and sexual activities. You also might want to consider if your current gynecologist makes you feel safe enough to share your sexuality.  

Read on to learn more about why health care providers ask about sexual activity, what to consider when deciding whether to come out, and where to find queer friendly health care providers. 

Why do health care providers ask about sexual activity? 

Health care providers ask about your sexual activity to create a sexual history, which means getting the full picture of your sexual health. A sexual history usually includes questions about your current or past partners, the kinds of sexual practices you participate in, what protection you use (if any), your sexually transmitted infections (STIs) history, and your intentions with pregnancy. The more information your health care provider knows, the better they can tailor care to fit your needs.  

How can disclosing your sexual behavior help with treatment? 

When you provide a sexual history, a health care provider can:  

• Check for STIs or other health concerns related to sexual activity
• Offer plans for fertility or pregnancy goals
• Identify high-risk behaviors and offer safer sex tips and resources
• Discuss any sexual health issues that you may have or concerns that you may want to prevent in the future 

List adapted from Cleveland Clinic 

People who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ communities may face higher risks for certain health conditions, including STIs, HIV, or cervical cancer. These disparities aren’t about how you identify. Instead, they often come from gaps in comprehensive sex education, limited access to care, or even underdiagnoses by health care providers. 

Specifically, bisexual and lesbian people with vulvas may have a greater risk of STIs and polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Additionally, they’re less likely to receive regular cervical cancer screenings (pap tests) given that some providers falsely believe that they don’t need to be screened if they aren’t having penile-vaginal sex. Queer friendly health care providers may know about these facts and keep this information in mind when a patient discloses their sexuality.  

Do you have to disclose your sexual identity to your health care provider? 

You don’t have to come out to your health care provider if you’re not comfortable doing so. Some people choose to keep certain parts of their life private, sharing only information that directly affects their health, such as their symptoms or requests for screenings.  

That said, it may help to reflect on why you feel uneasy about sharing with your health care provider. Have any of the interactions you’ve had with your health care provider felt like they’re not LGBTQ+ friendly? Do you feel like they don't understand the culture or behaviors? Do you feel like they have the knowledge, skills, and resources to support you? 

If you find that you’re uncomfortable with your current health care provider, you might consider finding a new one who makes you feel safer. This way, they can provide you with the best care possible. 

How can you find a queer friendly health care provider? 

Finding a queer friendly health care provider can be challenging, but there are many resources you can use. One great place to start is the LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory, an online directory where you can search for LGBTQ+ friendly health care providers by zip code. You might also reach out to local LGBTQ+ centers, Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) chapters, or The Human Rights Campaign for recommendations.  

When doing your research, you can also try to find health care providers who have certifications or trainings from the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). Additionally, you can also check online reviews of health care providers for mentions of inclusive care. 

When establishing care with a new health care provider, you might want to consider asking questions to see if they’re LGBTQ+ friendly. You can also bring a friend or a loved one to your appointment if you feel like you need support.  

Ultimately, you decide what's best when sharing sexual health information with a health care provider. However, finding ones who respect your identity can ensure you receive affirming, personalized care.  

Bi for now,