Should I explore my sexuality?

Dear Reader, 

It's great that you’re getting in touch with your sexuality. Exploring your sexuality is normal, but it can be confusing. That said, you’re not alone in these feelings. It can be common for many people to question and explore their sexual interests as they grow to learn more about themselves and the world. Read on to learn more about sexuality, the difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and what you can do to explore your sexuality.  

What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is more than just who you’re sexually attracted to—it can also include romantic, emotional, mental, and even spiritual attractions. While these attractions often get lumped together, they can be quite different from one another. For example, you might crush hard on someone romantically without feeling any sexual chemistry.  

People can start questioning their sexuality at any age and your attraction may change over time. In other words, what your type is today might not be your type five years from now. This is called fluidity. As you age and get to know yourself better, your taste might (or might not) shift. When it comes to sexuality, it’s different for everyone; there’s no one right way to feel.  

Is there a difference between romantic and sexual attraction? 

For some people, romantic and sexual attraction go hand in hand where they're drawn to a certain gender both romantically and physically. But for others, these attractions can be separate and feel very different.   

Sexual attraction usually means wanting to be physically or sexually intimate with someone. On the other hand, romantic attraction may just involve wanting to spend quality time together, such as going on dates, sharing deep conversations, or building a romantic relationship. Sometimes romantic attraction and sexual attraction overlap, and other times they don’t. For example, you might fall head-over-heels for certain genders and want a romantic relationship, but don’t feel the urge to take things to the bedroom. On the other hand, you might feel the spark for a sexual connection but may not be interested in anything romantic. 

To help express these differences, some people use specific labels like biromantic or panromantic that describe who they’re romantically attracted to, which is separate from who they might be sexually attracted to. This is one way people make sense of their experiences and understand their sexuality.  

That said, you can also be attracted to a particular gender and even have fantasies about them without having any desire to act on those feelings. Fantasies can be a way for people to explore their thoughts or curiosities; they don’t always have to reflect real-life intentions. Attraction exists on many levels, and everyone experiences it differently. What matters most is how you feel and what you want to do (or don’t want to do) about it.  

What can you do to explore your sexuality? 

Where to start when exploring your sexuality can be confusing, and that’s okay. It might be helpful to ask yourself a few questions that can guide your journey:  

• When you imagine your ideal partner, does their gender play a role? 
• Do you picture yourself being sexually intimate with a certain gender, or do fantasies feel safer or more comfortable than real-life experiences? 
• What types of feelings would arise if you went on dates with women versus having sexual activity with women? Is the attraction romantic, sexual, both, or something else? 

Connecting with potential partners in-person or through dating apps may be a great way to begin exploring your sexuality. Keep in mind, however, you and your partner(s) might want to set boundaries and communicate with each other about what you want to do during your time together. It can help create a comfortable and safe experience for everyone involved.  

It might also be helpful to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, like a supportive friend, family member, or a mental health provider. Having someone to confide in can be incredibly helpful and may help bring up new ideas on how to navigate your sexuality. You might also consider checking out online resources like The Trevor Project, which offers support and information for people exploring their identity. 

Exploring your sexuality is a personal journey, and it’s okay not to have everything figured out. You’re allowed to take your time, change your mind, and just be where you are right now.  

Happy exploring,