My boyfriend likes to wear women's underwear

Dear Alice,

My boyfriend likes to wear my underwear. Not just before we have sex, but just all the time. He's not gay or anything, he says he just "likes the way it feels." Is this normal? Is it something that all guys go through? Should I be worried? It doesn't bother me. I actually kinda think it's sexy, but I was just wondering if there was something else going on?

Wondering in TX

Dear Wondering in TX,

Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you'll think to yourself: "Wait, is what I'm doing normal?" The word "normal" is open to interpretation, but sex play or activities that are consensual and unharmful are definitely normal. Since you said in your letter that you like it when your boyfriend wears your underwear, there is absolutely nothing unhealthy or abnormal about your guy wearing your panties. 

Think of it this way: Considering that much of women's underwear is lace, satin or silk, and men's underwear is usually cotton, it's not surprising that there are men who prefer women's underwear. There are women who prefer to wear men's boxers or briefs, and men who prefer to wear women's panties. Your boyfriend might also like having a "piece" of you with him when he's out and about, and it's great that you think it's sexy.

"Crossdressing," which is generally defined as wearing the clothes of the opposite sex, is not indicative of homosexuality. Some gay men and lesbians choose to crossdress, but they do not have a monopoly on dressing in drag. Wearing women's underwear is probably not a phase that all guys go through, but many straight men enjoy wearing women's clothes and probably just as many enjoy wearing women's panties under their male clothes.

As long as you have enough underwear for the both of you, more power to you and your boyfriend.

Last updated Jul 02, 2015
Originally published Feb 24, 2006

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