Is it normal if my boyfriend likes to wear women's underwear?

Dear Wondering in TX, 

A “hot” situation is definitely going on here, but not one you should be worried about! There are many possible reasons why your boyfriend may like wearing your underwear—maybe it’s a switch of style and mood, or maybe he enjoys its texture or fit. Whatever the reason, reflecting on how you feel and talking with your boyfriend may help you find out more about what's going on and potentially elevate your relationship! 

Why is your boyfriend wearing your underwear? 

As he mentioned, it’s totally possible that he enjoys how your underwear physically feels. Just as you may have preferences for what type feels most comfortable for you, he may find that your underwear is what’s most comfortable for him. Another possibility is that he enjoys this additional layer of intimacy with you—he might like having a "piece" of you with him when he's out and about. He may also find that it’s a way he enjoys expressing his ideas of gender. 

Does wearing your underwear mean there’s something wrong?  

Not at all! Beyond what he finds comfortable, for many people, clothing choices reflect how they like to express themselves and their gender. Gender expression is frequently associated with gender identity, but the two aren’t always linked or aligned. Additionally, as fashion changes, the garments that are typically associated with a gender may begin to shift.  

As for how your boyfriend experiences it, only he can tell you that. Wearing your underwear doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s a shift in his gender or sexual identity. He might simply like wearing the underwear, and it’s possible that he doesn’t necessarily associate it with any gendered meanings! 

At the end of the day, while certain cuts of underwear may be associated with specific genders, it’s just a piece of fabric. 

How can you navigate this situation? 

When it comes to romantic relationships, the key to good vibes is communication. If you feel concerned, it might be helpful to have an honest conversation both with yourself and with your partner about what’s been on your mind. Some questions that you could consider asking yourself include: 

• How exactly do you feel about your boyfriend wearing your underwear?
• Are there other areas of your relationship that are worrisome that cause you to be more concerned about him wearing your underwear?
• How would you like this behavior that you find “kinda sexy” to play into your sexual activities, if at all?  

You may use your answers to these questions to start a conversation with your boyfriend. This can be intimidating, but by sharing your feelings, concerns, and desires with him, you’re creating a safe space that might encourage him to do the same. Note, you also don’t have to cover everything in a single conversation. Consider splitting it across multiple conversations. Taking it slowly and checking in with each other regularly is often more effective. And who knows, this conversation might bring an opportunity to spice up your sex life! 

As long as you have enough underwear for the both of you, more power to you and your boyfriend!