Female masturbation optimization

Dear Alice,

Your masturbation section is overflowing with male inquiries, so I thought I'd throw my question in to add some variety. What are ways to optimize female masturbation? I often read dirty books to get things going, but I don't always reach my intended destination. I have trouble reaching orgasm while flying solo, and I'd really like to learn more about the female erogenous zones and how to optimize my masturbation experience. Basically, how can I best bring myself to pleasure through self-stimulation?

Dear Reader,

Thank you for pointing out an area that needs more attention! Lucky for you, there are three major categories of erogenous zones that maximize your chances of getting to the Big O — not to mention all the fun you could have along the way: your mind, your genitals, and the rest of your body.

The mind is everyone’s biggest erogenous zone. Mindset and fantasizing make all the difference in your level of solo pleasure and enjoyment. If reading porn or erotica is your primary cup of aphrodisiac tea, try reading a large variety of different types of “dirty books." These can help you discover new scenarios to keep things spicy. You can develop your own big cast of characters in your brain’s library, that you can call up anytime you’re in the mood (or not in the mood, but trying to get there). If you love to read erotica, perhaps you might also like to see pictures of those scenes being acted out. The Internet is a great place to start scoping out pictures and/or videos. You could also check your local erotic bookstore or toy store for porn in DVD, magazine, or book form.

Relying on the mind alone can be a blessing and a curse. While there is no limit to creative thinking, non-sexy distractions (such as work or your to-do list) can be real buzz kills. The mind can also be strongly influenced by setting. For example, some people get off more easily if they have a romantic setting in the room (certain music, candles, etc.). Other people block out their surroundings entirely, so this makes little difference. Experiment and see what works for you. Also, make sure you aren’t pressuring yourself to come! Orgasms are kind of like cats: They come to you on their own terms.

Now, on to the genitals. Just like with the mind, different people are turned on by different types of stimulation. It’s all about discovering what gets you going! When it comes to the nether regions, there are several options of spots to attend to: The ever-popular clitoris, the amazingly muscular vagina, the mysterious G-spot, and the oft-ignored labia. On this menu, you can select one dish or try all of them, depending on what strikes your fancy. Then, there are multiple methods of stimulation: manual, vibrator, dildo, or other objects (like water spraying out of a showerhead, a humming washing machine, or a cucumber or banana). But that’s not all. You can always throw in a myriad of techniques that affect sensation, such as speed, pressure, position, and depth.

The clitoris is usually the easiest spot to locate, as it sort of screams out for attention and is easy to reach. It is also the most common source of orgasm, with more nerve endings than any other sexual body part (on any gender). When you’re turned on, the clitoris becomes engorged with blood. This might make it feel bigger and harder than usual. Use a little lube if needed and experiment with different levels of pressure and speed (e.g. very light tapping, combined with more vigorous rubbing). Also, you can vary the direction of motion (e.g. tracing a figure eight, horizontal, and/or vertical movement). Vary the number of fingers you use to stimulate the labia at the same time. You can also add in a toy. Vibrators come in a huge variety of shapes, sizes, strengths, and functions. If you’re new to vibrators, try using it through underwear at first to dull some of the intensity, or purchase one with multiple settings (these for obvious reasons cannot be returned to the store if you are dissatisfied). The vagina elongates and produces natural lubricant when you are aroused.

Penetration with a dildo or vibrator while stimulating the clitoris manually makes for a dynamic duo. You can always experiment and see what unexpected sweet spots you discover. For example, the vagina houses the G-spot, a small area of tissue located on the upper front wall of the vagina. To locate it, insert a finger and make a “come hither” or beckoning movement with your finger. For many women, stimulation of the G-spot produces a very intense orgasm and for some, ejaculation. G-spot ejaculation occurs when the cervix spasms and ejects fluid that has collected around it during stimulation. This fluid is slightly different than the vaginal lubrication that the vaginal walls produce—it is more like water, and sometimes mistaken for pee because of this consistency. Also, right before a G-spot orgasm, some women have a sensation that feels similar to needing to urinate. Rest assured, it’s not urine, so let go and let it flow! If you’re worried about it though, empty your bladder before you begin your fun solo time.

Well, as if three different types (vaginal, clitoral, G-spot) of orgasm weren’t enough, some women can come from anal stimulation or from nipple stimulation alone, or in combination with genital stimulation. The body is full of erogenous zones (some more unexpected than others), so what floats your boat will be uniquely yours. When masturbating, try lightly stroking your inner thighs, buttocks, nipples, earlobes, armpits, feet, stomach, or neck. Some may contribute significantly to the Big O, while others are just nice little icing-on-the cake sensations. Try also masturbating in different positions to allow access to different body parts and to experiencing the sensation of coming in different positions.

Whatever you do, there is no wrong way to masturbate. Variety is the key to discovering and creating new ways of having orgasms, feeling sexually aroused, and stimulated. Check out these female-focused resources below for more tips and tools to aid you in your solo pastime!


Good Vibrations

Thanks again for finding a missing spot (on the site),

Originally published Jun 10, 2014

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