Do I need to use condoms if my boyfriend might have an STI and not know it?

Dear Losing the condom?, 

You deserve a tip of the hat for your thoughtfulness about safer sex. It’s great that you’re thinking about how to prevent getting and transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Whether to continue using condoms or not is a decision that only you and your partner can make, but it might be helpful to be aware of the different factors involved such as living with an STI without symptoms. If you want to know more about STIs, whether you might want to be tested, and what other birth control options are out there—read on! 

Will you always experience symptoms if you have an STI?  

It’s possible to have an STI and not have any signs or symptoms (also called an asymptomatic infection). As with any infection, STIs cause the immune system to kick into gear so it can identify the infection and create antibodies. During this busy period for the immune system, you might not experience any signs or symptoms. This time between when you become infected to when you begin to experience symptoms is called the incubation period. But just because you don’t have any signs or symptoms doesn’t mean you can’t potentially infect others. If you’re interested in knowing more about the breakdown of incubation periods for common STIs, consider checking out an STI testing chart. 

Is it possible to have an STI for years and not know it?  

Sometimes! In some situations, STIs will stay in the body without ever presenting symptoms. However, even after a person passes the typical incubation period without symptoms, it’s possible that they could still have the infection and pass it to others.  

Can STIs not show up on tests? 

Checking for symptoms isn’t the most reliable way to determine if you’re infected. An STI test can show an infection even when you don’t have symptoms! That’s why getting tested regularly can help you stay on top of your health and prevent risks of untreated STIs.  

That said, it’s possible to have a false negative on an STI test. The timing of when you take the test can play a role in this. For example, if you take an STI test before the window period (which is the time between when you become infected and it’s detectable on a test), you may receive a false negative. Window periods may vary as different types of tests may identify infections at different times. For information on when to take an STI test, consider checking out the window period for all the STIs.  

Can you have an STI as a virgin?  

While STIs are primarily transmitted through sexual activity, there may be times that they can be transmitted through non-sexual skin-to-skin contact or during the exchange of bodily fluids. This might include getting a tattoo or piercing, getting a blood transfusion, chestfeeding, or during an on-the-job exposure. 

So, though you mention that you were a virgin before you met your partner, it's still possible you had non-sexual contact with an STI. It might also be important to consider your definition of the word virgin. Did you abstain only from penetrative sex, but participate in other forms of sex? If so, you might want to find out your own STI status. STIs can be transmitted through all kinds of sexual activity, including oral, anal, or vaginal sex, sharing sex toys, or outercourse. Though it sounds like your partner has been tested for HIV, being tested for other STIs may help curb your concern. In addition to the HIV test, both you and your partner can be tested for gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. 

Could you use another form of birth control if you forego condoms? 

Barrier methods of contraception, including condoms, are the only way to prevent the transmission of STIs. However, condoms also help to prevent pregnancy. If you’re concerned about preventing pregnancy but don’t want to use condoms, it’s worth considering other forms of birth control. For example, you may think about: 

• Medication or long-acting reversible contraceptive options including pills, IUDs, implants, patches, and injections. 
• Lifestyle options like withdrawal or fertility awareness. 
• Surgical options such as a tubal ligation and vasectomy. 

These different forms have different pros and cons, and the one that’s most appropriate depends on what matters to you.  

Overall, the decision about using condoms will depend on what you and your partner feel comfortable with. Hopefully, this information helps start a discussion about your options and helps you determine your comfort level with each one, so you can make an informed decision together. Wishing you the best!