Decrease penis size?

Dear Alice,

This is sort of embarrassing, and you touched on it in a previous message, but... how do you decrease penis size? I'm serious. Is there some sort of surgery? I ask because my girlfriend says mine is too large, and it sometimes hurts her. Please answer.

Too big

Dear Too big,

The phrase "bigger is better" doesn't seem to ring true for you and your girlfriend and you're not alone. The good news is that it's pretty much impossible for you to be "too large," especially considering that the cervix and the vaginal canal are designed to stretch during childbirth to accommodate a baby which must certainly be larger than your member. However, there are many reasons why your partner may be feeling discomfort during penetration and the Related Q&As discuss some of the potential reasons for this such as medical conditions, emotional barriers, or simply a lack of lubrication or muscle relaxation during intercourse. They also suggest some techniques you and your girlfriend may want to try to turn painful sex into an experience that is more comfortable and enjoyable for the both of you. To directly answer your question though, it's best to take a look at the bigger picture… literally.

As for surgery, there really is no safe option that would allow you to drop a few sizes and still maintain normal erection and sensation in your penis and genital area. The surgeries available are unreliable and drastic and could result in impotence and scarring, while also breaking the bank with a hefty price tag into the tens of thousands of dollars. As an alternative to penis reduction surgery, here are some options and points to keep in mind as the penetrating partner:

  • If you feel resistance when you're penetrating your partner, back off a bit. Rough or pounding penetration, though arousing for some men, may not be so stimulating to the receiving partner. If it's the style of penetration that is causing discomfort for your girlfriend, consider switching up positions. Sex is much more than penetration and taking your time to build up to that point may also help make the experience more satisfying for you and your girlfriend.
  • Stop and smell the roses. Taking it slow and exploring your partner's other erogenous zones (and encouraging them to do the same) may help things bloom without ever having to break ground. Manually stimulating the clitoris, nipples, or perineum (the area between the anus and the vagina or penis) is a great alternative for those who find intercourse uncomfortable. In fact, many sexual pleasure sensors are located at the opening of the anus and the vagina and may be stimulated with little to no penetration at all.
  • There is no one magic formula for sex that everyone enjoys. Talking with your partner before, during, and after intercourse and asking questions like "Does this feel good?" or "Is this comfortable for you?" may help the two of you find the perfect equation.

Your concerns for your partner's coital comfort is commendable, but instead of heading straight for the operating room, consider some other less drastic alternatives for increasing her pleasure and yours. It's amazing what good communication, foreplay, relaxation techniques, and a healthy dose of lubricant can do! If this still doesn't work, your partner may want to consider visiting a health care provider who may be able to determine if the root of her discomfort is medical or psychological.

Last updated Apr 01, 2015
Originally published Apr 30, 1994