Can I decrease my penis size?

Dear Too Big,

No need to feel embarrassed: concerns about compatibility are as common in the bedroom as they are when deciding on pizza toppings. The good news is that there are various options that may help to address worries over your sizeable situation. These range from surgery (yes, it exists!) to some practical tips for improving sexual comfort and communication with your partner. Read on to find a fitting solution!

Are there surgeries to reduce penis size?

For those who feel they've gotten more than they bargained for, there's a surgical option called reduction corporoplasty. It’s a specialized procedure which can decrease the length or girth of the penis, typically by about an inch (or a few centimeters). Reduction corporoplasties are very rare and require significant consultation with a health care provider prior to the procedure. However, surgery may be an option if your size considerably interferes with sexual activity or your quality of life. 

Additionally, other surgeries like radical prostatectomy or the Nesbit procedure can sometimes lead to a decrease in penis size. This is usually due to scarring or other changes in penile tissue as a result of the procedures. However, these surgeries are not intended as downsizing solutions.  

What are non-surgical ways to reduce pain during sex?

Fortunately, surgery isn’t the only way to achieve mutual comfort. Some people claim that at-home methods like vacuum pumps or penis exercises can reduce penis size. However, health care providers advise against these options, as they can lead to injury and problems with penile function. Instead, there are several strategies you might consider to enhance comfort during sex that don’t require reducing your size. These include:

• Changing positions can minimize discomfort during sex, since some positions lead to penetration being less deep or intense than others. Additionally, you might choose to partially insert rather than going for full penetration. Exploring different angles may help you and your partner discover a way to have penetrative sex that decreases discomfort and increases pleasure for both of you. 
• Lubricants may ease penetration discomfort by reducing friction and related pain, particularly when vaginal dryness is a concern or you’re having anal sex. A high-quality silicone- or water-based lubricant can help to improve comfort overall, with some silicone-based lubricants being better for sensitive skin. Although oil-based lubricants can also work well to decrease friction, it’s important to note that they can degrade condoms, which reduces their effectiveness against sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy. 
• Increasing the amount of foreplay (sometimes called outercourse) you engage in with your partner can both increase emotional intimacy and physically prepare the body for penetration. Taking the time to get comfortable before things heat up may help to increase arousal, natural lubrication, and overall relaxation, ultimately reducing discomfort during intercourse. During arousal the vaginal canal elongates so sufficient foreplay may also help to reduce pain in this way.  
• Taking it slow during intimacy allows both you and your partner to relax, which may help to prevent involuntary muscle spasms, such as vaginismus. Slowing down and starting with foreplay can increase mutual comfort and greater pleasure. 
• Exploring intimacy beyond penetration can build closeness, relieve pressure to perform, and provide you and your partner with other ways to achieve pleasure. This can include massages, kissing, oral sex, mutual masturbation, using sex toys, and other acts that create connection and satisfaction without involving penetration.

How can you talk with your partner about sexual discomfort?

Conversations about sex may feel awkward at first. However, open and honest communication can act like a lubricant, reducing friction and smoothing the path toward stronger trust and improved intimacy. Some tips to consider include:

• Saying what’s on your mind: It might feel uncomfortable, but talking about what feels good and, just as importantly, what doesn’t may help both of you feel more confident and supported. Discussing intimacy as something to explore and improve together can make the conversation feel less like criticism and more like collaboration. 
• Writing it out: If speaking up feels intimidating, putting thoughts into a text or email may offer a softer way to start the conversation. 
• Bringing in a professional: A sex therapist or couples' counselor could help guide the conversation and offer tips and insight for working through physical or emotional tension. 
• Tackling insecurities together: Body image concerns, past experiences, and performance anxiety can all affect intimacy. These feelings are more common than many people realize, and they don’t have to be managed alone. Creating a space where both of you can be honest, without fear of judgment, may build trust and mutual respect. Often, when both partners feel secure expressing their vulnerabilities, it brings them closer, both in and out of the bedroom.

Navigating intimacy can feel daunting. And the good news is that solutions do exist, whether that means consulting a specialist, adjusting the ways you have sex, or opening up new conversations. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach! Additionally, you may find it useful to think about what matters most to you in your relationship. Likely, it isn’t your size, but the connection you share and your care toward each other.

Hoping that your problems shrink and your confidence grows,