I am in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend recently admitted that she had cheated on me. She said, and I believe her, that she really loves me and that this was a mistake she regrets. However, I can't take it out of my mind and forget about it. I am angry that she ruined the purity of our love story. It feels like it's no longer "a dream come true" — merely a watered down version of it because it is no longer "flawless." I feel like a pushover for not doing anything about it. (I'm really in love with her and I can't bring myself to break up just for that.) How can I forgive her? Will I always keep these poisonous thought inside? How can I prevent this from shadowing every aspect of our relationship? Am I "selling short" and blind to her untrustworthiness? How can I trust her again?

What do I do about a man who no longer kisses me during sex? We still have sex on a regular basis, but he no longer looks at me while we have sex. He always covers his face when we are together. It has been months since he has kissed me. I am starving for affection. I happen to be in love with this man.

I was looking through your column and thought that I should ask your advice on a rather sensitive matter. I recently invited a guy over for dinner at my house. We had a great time together, yet he presumed that he was going to sleep with me and insisted that I had led him on during the main course of the evening. I do not see how this is possible, but this guy keeps on hassling me for sex and I do not want to lose him as a friend, but I really do not see him as a sexual partner. What should I do?

I was wondering whether compatibility and dependability are more important than passion and fun, in terms of relationships.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and I love her very much. We have a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, and we communicate well. Recently, I told her of my fantasy of her performing oral sex on me and swallowing my sperm. She said that would be "gross," and has never brought me to climax during oral sex because she does not want me to come in her mouth. I perform oral sex for her, and I enjoy having her sexual fluids on my face and tasting them. We have discussed sexual fantasies before and have pleased each other very much. But she will still not accept my sperm in her mouth, and I feel like she does not want to accept a part of me into her body -- that she does not have the fullest desire to please me. When I first asked her to do it, I expected her to want to pleasure me, to have desire for my penis. Now, I feel like she thinks my body is not desirable. My question is: what must I do or say to make her change her mind, to make her understand how much I wish she'd do this?

The man I have been seeing for six months, and with whom I have fallen in love, has transmitted genital herpes to me; I was diagnosed only yesterday with a primary outbreak — very painful, indeed. There were times when it seemed he avoided/did not want intimacy, which was often puzzling, because he was usually very interested; however, now I suspect it was because he feared infecting me. That I now know he has herpes seems to explain a lot of the "distancing" behavior, but I wish he had been open and honest with me. I have not told him yet, and my feelings are in a state of turmoil. What is the best way to approach this? I really have feelings for him, and I know he has strong feelings for me.

How do I get my live in boyfriend to take care of his part of the monthly bills and groceries without sounding like I'm more worried about money than the relationship? He gives me money for some stuff, sometimes, but I have ended up taking care of most of the monthly expenses, and I'm starting to feel resentful. He makes more money than me, although I'm more financially stable. How do I address this sensitive issue?

My boyfriend is always late when we have something planned. Not just fifteen minutes or so, but an hour or more! I don't know why I even wait, but I really care about him. He doesn't realize how much it bothers me. My question is, how can I get him to become more punctual?

My girlfriend and I have been having sex with each other for the last six months. Just before we began seeing each other, she had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship. She insists it is over and that she has no feelings for him. I believed her up until recently, when we were having sex and she cried out his name. I like her very much, but, of course this incident has made me very insecure about our relationship. I'm not sure whether she needs more time to get over this guy, if I'm getting myself into a position where I'll get hurt, or if I should just ignore the whole thing altogether. What should I do?

I've been experiencing in the past few months something that I understand, but am unable to deal with effectively. It is the difficulty to maintain eye contact while conversing with others. Usually my thinking drifts from paying attention to the conversation into concentrating on where should I look. It's really annoying and sometimes it makes me avoid people just because I'll be unable to have eye contact with them.

What is also annoying is that I feel that the person I'm talking to is getting unnecessary tension because of my "looks" that I'm sure do not carry any bad feelings or insinuations. I've read an article suggesting that this could be part of a "shyness syndrome," however, I do not consider myself to be shy.

Finally, this phenomenon fluctuates, but I haven't been able to relate this fluctuation to any specific factor (i.e., it does not change whether talking to men or women). Thanks for your valuable answer.

I know that this isn't exactly your province, but I was wondering if maybe you could direct me to another website that might be able to help us. My boyfriend and I are both college students. We have been together for quite a while and are starting to think about becoming engaged, but there is something that disturbs us. He is a religious Catholic, and I am an equally devout atheist. This is not an issue now (we're both very respecting of each other), but we're afraid that if we become more serious, it might be a problem. Are there any resources you could suggest to us for ways to handle this? Or stories of couples that have faced similar issues? Thanks!

My wife never liked sex when she was younger even though she had about a dozen partners. When she met me all that changed and she loved making love every night for about a year. Her sex drive then began to lessen until she finally does not like it at all. She believes it is a physical act that she can do without, whereas I believe it is the ultimate form of intimacy. Do you have any suggestions for her to revitalize her sex drive since right now we are not making love at all?

I dated this guy for about five months and it was my first serious relationship that involved sexual activity. We broke up because he "wasn't ready for a serious relationship." We didn't speak all summer, and when I got back to campus, he called me and apologized for acting immature. He still isn't ready for a serious relationship, but he asked me if we could still date. I told him that it was okay, but that I didn't want a sexual relationship. We both agreed that we could date other people because we don't want anything serious.

I went to a party a week later, and met this really great guy who apparently is in the same frat as my ex. I would like to get to know him, but my friends keep telling me not to pursue ANYTHING with him because it will ruin the friendship between frat brothers. I don't think it's fair! Also, my ex has been leaving messages on my phone/email more frequently. He calls like we are just good friends, but I wonder if he wants me now because his friend likes me. I have feelings for my ex, but I want to put them on the back burner while I date other people. How do I still stay friends with him and start up something with his fraternity brother without tearing the two of them apart?

I'm a freshman with a problem. I have a roommate who masturbates every night and it makes me sick. She waits until she thinks I'm asleep and then really goes at it. One night she even woke me up after I was asleep. I find it disgusting to hear her moans of passion as she plays with herself. Should I tell her to stop or should I just find another roommate?

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we both love each other. Our sex life is great but one thing really confuses me: He loves to give me oral sex, but when I try and do the same to him, he won't let me. I don't know if he doesn't like it, if I do it badly, or if he just doesn't want it. I've tried talking to him, but he just brushes it aside. Please help me.

I'm a 25 year-old guy, average looking, and I think I have a normal personality. I met this very nice and pretty girl a little more than a month ago. Almost since the beginning, all she wants to do is go to bed and make love. This was great in the beginning, but, you and some guys out there may think I am crazy, I am starting to get worn out. I like her very much and we get along great in bed, but I want to date her just like my friends date their girlfriends, although my friends tell me they wish they had my problem.

Anyway, when I suggest going out, she shrugs her shoulders and says that she likes to be in bed with me. I'm sure that you get a lot of inquiries about how to move a friendship over to bed. Can you give me some advice about how to move the bed over to a friendship?

I am in a relationship with a fellow student who likes to visit only late at night, and doesn't include me with other friends. When we do things, it is always the two of us alone, or with my friends. I don't particularly like the situation and have tried to ask for some changes, but it feels as if I am fighting an uphill battle. I'm not sure what to do.

Is there such a thing as "true love?" The reason I ask is that my observations of the world today indicate that there are more people getting divorced, getting cheated on, and breaking up than there are happy couples that are in love and stay in love. I mean, are humans mentally and physically capable of staying in love with someone and being faithful to each other?

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a very Type A personality, who's committed to the bottom line. Very action-results oriented, with schedules, deadlines, what's-going-on out to infinity. And I've noticed it tends to drive other people crazy, since most of the world is supposedly Type B. And according to them, I can't relax. They're probably right, since I'm 28 and haven't had a boyfriend since 18, and that was for a month (forget about sex, cause it ain't happening). There really isn't anxiety, since I've done all sorts of things (skydiving, scuba diving, working in a cubicle) that others would consider frightening, but I rather enjoy. But it's just how my brain is wired. So now what? Resign myself to a life of loneliness and celibacy? (Okay, that's scary.) How does a Type A interact with a world of Type B's? It's really hard, and lonely sometimes. Please help. Thank you for your time and attention.

How do you tell your husband that talking about going to topless bars bothers you and that it hurts you? My husband of 6 yrs. keeps talking lately about going to these places and it hurts my feelings very much that I cry. I know it is man's nature to admire women but I feel these places are for guys that have no respect for themselves or their mates. We have a good sex life and get along great. He thinks he's teasing me but it really hurts to hear him talk this way. I would never do it to him, to go to a male strip bar. What can you tell me to say to turn him away from these thoughts?

At my school, there are three kinds of rooms: singles (one person in one room), doubles (two people in one room), and walk-throughs (two people in two rooms with a door separating them). My partner is living in a walk-through double with a friend of his. He lives on the inside room, which means I have to walk through his roommate’s room to get to his room. I hate it! I feel so guilty leaving my partner's room late at night and if my partner's roommate isn't home, I feel like I'm somehow invading his privacy by walking through his room. When we hang out, I get uncomfortable being intimate (or even just hanging out pantsless!) with my partner knowing that his roommate is on the other side of the door. There's supposed to be more privacy, but in some ways, it feels like we have less! My partner and his roommate haven't had any trouble with the walk-through arrangement... but I do. I feel weird talking to his roommate about guidelines and solutions because it isn't my room. How can I find ways to set guidelines and boundaries for this peculiar situation without making myself a huge nuisance?

I recently have begun having sexual relations with one of my professors. I know that it in itself is kind of wrong but I can't help it. He has told me that he is divorced but new evidence has come to my attention that allows me to believe he may be married with children. I've confronted him but he always avoids my questions with kisses. I think I am falling in love but I don't want to share him. What should I do?

I have to ask you a question. I am having a debate with someone as to why your ex cannot be your friend. I'm having a little trouble finding the answer. I need help. So my question is... why is it that you can't be friends with your ex?

I have a few "friends" that are real flakes. I've known them for years and years, but they blow me off so easily. I've tried a lot of different tactics, but nothing seems to stop the problem. For example: This guy that I have known since I was born and I recently started college at the same place. We live three blocks away from each other. I have spent a good amount of time at his house and he has come to mine (just friends), so I know he is comfortable spending time with me. He has a tendency to text me with a basic "hey I'll be coming over tonight" or "You want to come by for dinner" and then without warning, he will no show. What's going on with this? I don't know what to do.

What is the best way for a woman to ask a man out on a date for the first time?

My girlfriend jiggles like crazy during sex! I can't seem to control her! One night she jiggled right off the bed! Please help.

I haven't really been able to talk to any girls since my breakup with my ex-wife 6 months ago. We haven't really signed any divorce papers, so I feel very obligated to stay faithful to her even though our relationship as we know it is over and done with. Will I still have this problem even when we actually get divorced? And will I forever feel bad about making the first move to end this relationship? Because for the past three months I could neither sleep or concentrate on my studies. My commitment to her and my love for her was the only thing that helped me to go on with my life. Now that's over I am totally lost. Please help me with my problem.

My girlfriend and I have great sex, but lately she has been asking me to talk dirty to her. The problem with this is that I thought I'd already been doing this. I don't know what to say, literally. Any hints on what I might be able to say to her? I already talk kind of dirty to her, but she wants it nasty. What do I say?

How would I go about asking a partner about his past?

I'm in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend always wants to try "sexting" or have "phone sex." I'm just not comfortable doing so, and don't even know how. Any pointers?

My (ex?) best friend and I drifted apart a few months ago because of her new boyfriend and my busy schedule. Before, we were like sisters, but now we just ignore each other. She's recently been trying to contact me, and even though I do miss her more than anything, I haven't been answering her calls. I'm not sure if I want her back in my life. There were certain things about our friendship that didn't seem right. There were things we couldn't/wouldn't tell each other. She also liked to make me feel unimportant. I know this makes it seem like we never were true friends, but we meant everything to each other. I just don't know if I should let her back in or not? Please help?

I am a quadriplegic of twenty years and need help with a problem my girlfriend and I are having with our sex life. The main problem is she feels guilty because she is the only one that gets "physical gratification" when we make love. We can't have intercourse but we have tried several other methods that worked great as far as her getting an orgasm, but the guilt sets in a few minutes afterwards. I have tried many times to explain to her that I also get a lot of enjoyment from our intimate times together, but she does not believe me. She thinks the only reason I want to fool around is just to give her pleasure and this is not true. Some of it does have to do with making her feel good, but I also get much pleasure, in a more "mental" kind of way that she can not understand. We live together, love each other very much, and plan to marry in a few months, but I'm scared this problem is going to get worse if she never believes me. I feel bad about marrying her if we can't have a satisfying sex life because I feel like I'm cheating her out of that part of her life.

If there is any way you could help me with this I would really appreciate it. If you know of any books on this subject that would also be a big help.

I've never done this before so here it goes.

I've been dating my current boyfriend for about eight months, and we do love each other very much. However, I believe we both want very different things from our relationship, and we fight on a regular basis. We fight about everything from spending time with friends to how we feel we are being treated and so forth.

We have a lot of trouble identifying with each other and being considerate of each other’s needs. Should I move on and accept that we are incompatible, or should we try a new approach?

I've caught my boyfriend watching TV a few times when I was giving him oral sex. I find this strange. What could this mean?

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and, while we may have our occasional disagreements, our relationship is great — my boyfriend is sweet, understanding and caring. I am also very attracted to him. Our sex life is wonderful and he is attentive to my every need, both physically and emotionally. However, despite the fact that I am very happy in this relationship, I have cheated on him a few times. I've never slept with anyone else, but I have gone out on dates with other guys and even made out with a few. It's not like I don't love my boyfriend, I just like the thrill of being with a new guy. He is my first boyfriend, and I'm worried that I'll never be able to be in a fully committed relationship, even when I'm married. How can I stop cheating on my wonderful boyfriend? Also, should I tell my unknowing boyfriend that I have cheated on him? I think you're great, Alice, and I would really appreciate your advice.

Help me! I left my two best friends at home when I went to college. Now don't get me wrong, I love college! I'm making new friends and I even love some of my classes. I just feel like I'm forgetting these friends. I only get to talk to them for like 15 minutes, if that, a week. I feel like we are losing touch and I don't want that to happen. Can you help me? Thanks!

My boyfriend of two years and I are rarely having sex. About once a month, down from twice a week. I have discovered that he is very involved in reading porn mags and also looking at porn online. I confronted him, he said he would try to focus more on me, not porn. Then I found that nothing changed and he was still looking at porn. He told me that he believes that he is addicted to porn. He says that he keeps telling himself not to look at it, but always does. He threw all his porn in the garbage and told me to put a site blocker on his computer. My questions: Can he really be addicted to porn? Are the steps that we have taken to control this problem sufficient? I don't know where to go to get help with this and I am really torn apart. Please tell me where to go from here.