I've seen you have given so much great advice in the past I was hoping you could give me some. I always use a condom when I have sex. I don't seem to last as long as I want to. I was thinking of trying one of those gels or creams that make you last longer. Is this stuff safe to use with a condom? Could it possibly break down the condom, causing it to fail? Thanks for any help, Alice.

I have always been attracted to men, and have only been with men. I am currently happily engaged to a man, and have no doubts about our relationship. However, I've discovered over the past couple of years (even when I was with my previous boyfriend) that I do not like porn with men in it. I like lesbian porn! And anytime I've masturbated I've fantasized about women (never one that I know or have seen.) It's made me very uncomfortable, finally admitting it to myself. I do remember when I was in 7th grade there was a new girl at our school. When she got a boyfriend I was very jealous; I just assumed it was because she was new and I didn't have all her attention *ha* Is this normal? Am I out of my mind!?

One question I keep looking for good advice on: what's the best way to clean a leather cat o'nine tails between uses, especially if it drew blood? I'm worried about HIV and Hepatitis, although there are probably other health risks involved, too. Anyway, thanks!

1) Are the inner lips of the vagina supposed to be "longer" OR "shorter" than the outer lips? Also, my right inner lip is longer than my left inner lip. Like, a lot longer. My right inner lip sticks out from my outer lips and is very visible. Is this abnormal? Thank you :]

2) Is it normal for the inner labia to be different sizes? One lip is somewhat "thicker" and has a lumpy looking edge while the other is thinner and straight. Plus, should they be closed together or do they open up a bit? Mine are closed together unless I pull them apart with my fingers.

I am (still!) a virgin and have a question about the hymen. I know mine is not entirely intact, because I did a lot of horseback riding as a child. But as I'm not a tampon-user (nor wish to become one), I'm not exactly sure how painful intercourse will be, for the first time, nor what will happen to the hymen.

I always assumed it was a thin membrane that, upon penetration, would shrink evenly to the sides. But I seem to have what you might call a flesh tab, and though I've looked at pictures offered in Our Bodies, Ourselves, I'm not sure I understand how an opening will be created, and have the horrifying idea that a piece of flesh is going to drop out or be torn right out of me. Is it normal to have a flesh tab? What will happen to it? And if I tried inserting a tampon, would that facilitate the tearing process? Please help.