What is my risk of postpartum depression as a mom-to-be with social anxiety disorder?

I'm an anxious person. My clinical diagnosis is social anxiety disorder, but I have anxiety in many other situations and a couple of phobias to boot. I've seen therapists on and off for the past 20 years and have been on multiple SSRIs (I am off of anti-anxiety medications currently). I manage my anxiety with plenty of exercise, sleep, and relaxation exercises, but mostly I just accept that this is the way I am. My husband and I are starting a family soon, and my new worry is post-partum depression or anxiety. If I'm already moody, will the hormones and stresses of pregnancy drive me completely crazy? Does having a history of mental illness put me at a greater risk for developing a disorder like post-partum depression? Thanks for your help!


Why have I started fantasizing about women when I've only ever liked men?

I have always been attracted to men, and have only been with men. I am currently happily engaged to a man, and have no doubts about our relationship. However, I've discovered over the past couple of years (even when I was with my previous boyfriend) that I do not like porn with men in it. I like lesbian porn! And anytime I've masturbated I've fantasized about women (never one that I know or have seen.) It's made me very uncomfortable, finally admitting it to myself. I do remember when I was in 7th grade there was a new girl at our school. When she got a boyfriend I was very jealous; I just assumed it was because she was new and I didn't have all her attention *ha* Is this normal? Am I out of my mind!?


Why can't I process spoken speech and how can I find academic support?

I have trouble following spoken speech. It's always made school difficult for me and now it's one of the reasons why I think I'll have to quit college (I'm on leave right now). I would listen to lectures or go to instructors for extra help, but my brain just wouldn't absorb anything it heard. This put a huge burden of self-instruction on me and it made it impossible for me to participate in class discussions.

I think this tendency affects me in other ways too. For example, I don't and never have been able to sit through movies or watch TV — I never know what's going on in them. In daily interactions I manage OK with processing short exchanges of information or instructions, but I don't have "conversations" at all unless it's absolutely necessary, and when I do it's exhausting and unpleasant (I speak VERY little and have never had a friend, so it's no exaggeration to say that I don't have conversations).

Until college, I was always able to compensate for this difficulty by just studying hard and teaching myself. I got high grades and was going to a reputedly good college. Can you suggest any explanation for a problem of this sort and how to deal with it so that I might be able to graduate from college?