How can I forgive myself after being sexually abused?

I am now 20 years old. When this situation took place, I was 16 or 17. I was living with this family that went to my church, and the lady's husband kept coming on to me. At this time, my parents were divorcing and I was depressed. I was so scared of this man because he was a giant compared to me. He kept asking me if he could touch my thighs. I kept telling him no because it was wrong, but I didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't even eat at night because I was afraid he would try to rape me.

So one day I came home from church a little earlier than the others did. He came in and waited until I got out of the bathroom. He sat me down on a chair and he kept touching me. I was so in shock that I couldn't move. That day he entered me and I didn't push him away, but I was crying and felt sick. Later on that week, he came into the basement where I stayed, and he performed oral sex on me. I felt really bad, but then again I did enjoy it. I felt so confused and cheap because after he was done he left $100.00 on my table. I felt like a slut. Then after a few weeks of him not even looking at me, I decided to talk to him and tell him that I was sorry and that we couldn't do it anymore and that we had to ask God for forgiveness.

My question is was it my fault for being in this situation or is he at fault for taking advantage of me? I have forgiven him, but I still have to work on forgiving myself. To me that is a very hard task because he is one of the elders in the church. What should I do?


What can I do about the hate I have for someone who molested me?

I have a problem with hate. I hate my older brother. He molested me when I was young, and now I'm nineteen and I still have to live in the same house as him. My parents know what happened, but they just don't talk about it. I understand that it's hard to deal with. However, I never talk to my brother, and when I move out of my house, I don't plan on ever talking to him again. I don't think this is healthy, but there is nothing that I can do about my hate.


What are the effects of recreational nitrous oxide use?

1) I am wondering about the direct effects nitrous oxide has on the brain, and if it is a fallacy that it kills brain cells.

2) What are the health dangers of inhaling nitrous oxide? I have heard people say that it "kills brain cells," but no one seems to know how, to what extent, and what the resulting effects are. Since nitrous oxide is commonly administered as anesthesia, is there a safe way to consume it for recreational use? If the user controls her oxygen intake, do the harmful effects (if any) still occur?


What should I do about friend's escalating drug use?

I have a friend at school who quit smoking last year in January, and went back to it in October. I have no idea why, and he also started doing other drugs, such as smoking blunts, doing ecstasy, and taking steroids. The drug that I am worried about him doing the most is ecstasy, because it's a dangerous drug. Also, he is always talking about doing drugs. How can I help him? I still want him to be my friend. Please help. This is serious.


What are the negative side effects of absinthe?

I recently drank one shot of absinth(e) mixed with water at a party. I read up on it online and opinions differ vastly as to the potential for negative side effects. At this point my imagination has me suffering every possible one.

I would like to know the true possible effects and if one drink could realistically cause them. If it helps, the brand I had contained 100mg of thujone and it was Czech and I'm told they use an extract which is worse than using straight wormwood.

I hope you can help because I'm a little freaked out, the guy who gave it to me drank it extensively and recently committed suicide and I'm convinced the cause in part was the Absinthe.


Are my tremors from marijuana use or anxiety?

I have smoked marijuana on and off for about a year, not ever more than about once every other week. The last two times I smoked, I experienced uncontrollable tremors in my leg. It wasn't painful like a muscle spasm, but it was uncomfortable and unsettling. Was this merely nervousness (this was the first time I had people "over" at my own suite to smoke and I was a little worried that my roommates would be angry)? Or, could this be a side effect of the drug?