Where do guys like to be touched?

Hey Alice,

When I'm "making out" with my boyfriend, I get kind of nervous cause I don't know where to put my hands. I know you're probably going to say just go with the flow or something, but like I'm just wondering, where do guys like to be touched when making out??? Thanks for your help~!

confused and dazed

Dear confused and dazed,

Clothes on, or off, most skin (which is the largest erogenous zone by the way) is full of sensitive nerve endings thirsty for even the softest contact. However, not all people respond to touch in the same way. Having a conversation with your partner might be your best bet to figuring out how and where they like to be touched.

You're right, going with the flow might help you find out your partner's unique tactile turn-ons. However, people can express their interests and what pleases them in different ways. Open communication is key when exploring with each other. Verbal or vocal cues, posture and subtle physical movements, as well as facial expressions and gestures can all be useful when learning about your partner.

Perhaps a faster and more accurate answer to your question would come by asking your boyfriend where they would like your hands to go when your lips and tongues are busy. For instance, you could ask: "Would you like me to touch you?" If they say yes, you could confirm where and how. It’s often best to ask before you get physically intimate so you both have the opportunity to set boundaries and express desires. Also, what a great opportunity for both of you to learn about each other, while practicing the often-awkward skill of communicating about feelings and desires. And, how hot can it be when a partner is so into pleasing you, and so respectful, that they ask you whether you want to be touched and how best to do it?

The pressure and pleasure of being a better lover flows two ways. Consider asking yourself some of these questions: Where do you like to be touched when the two of you are making out, or doing something else? How firm or gentle do you prefer the touch? Does it feel good when your partner brushes your hair with his fingers? Are there certain areas of your body that you would rather your partner avoid? It can be helpful to learn more about your own body and what you do and don’t enjoy so that you may be able to be both a teacher AND a student with your partner.

If you're ever with another partner, this is information you'll likely want to gather and share all over again. Sex is a learned behavior... and one way to learn is to raise your hand and ask.

Last updated Jul 14, 2023
Originally published Aug 24, 2001

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