What should I do with her breasts?

Dear Alice,

I've been having this problem with my girlfriend. Whenever we make out, I get the impression that she wants me to do something with her breasts... but I don't have the foggiest what to do.

I'm sure that they aren't there strictly for my enjoyment; so, what can I do with my girlfriend that would offer her some pleasure, as well?

I've tried other sources of information, but most other sources either concentrate solely on the vagina, g-spot, and clitoris, or they simply state that breasts are an erogenous zone and leave it at that.

— Clueless

Dear Clueless,

Your girlfriend is fortunate to have a partner who cares and has the courage to ask such a question! While her breasts may seem like an enigma at the moment, with a little experimentation, openness, communication, and creativity, you'll likely be able to crack the code soon enough — unlocking scads of pleasure for the both of you. As with any great art form, practice makes perfect. The first step, though, might be to simply ask your girlfriend what she'd like you to do with them. You mention that she seems to be expecting you to make a move, but there's no harm in checking in as things heat up — chatting and keeping open lines of communication during sex play can be incredibly sexy and fun, anyway! Once you've got the go-ahead, the world of breast play is truly your oyster. To get you started, here are a few tips — that's tips — for handling breasts. Depending on the mood, you can:

  • Be gentle: caress, fondle, cradle, or stroke
  • Be hands-y: jiggle, bounce, twist, or tickle
  • Be mouthy: kiss, lick, suck, or nibble
  • Be sentimental: compliment, name, gaze at, or talk to
  • Be vigorous: squeeze, twist, tug, or clutch
  • Be pragmatic: massage, wash, dry, or lubricate
  • Try anything else you and your partner can dream up (and consent to!)

While boobs tend to be a popular option for foreplay (a.k.a. all the stuff that happens before intercourse), they can actually take center stage as the main attraction! Nipple orgasms are totally possible and pleasurable for women and men alike and breast play can also (quite literally) be juggled with other simultaneous sexual acts, such as making out, dry humping, or actual intercourse. Giving and receiving feedback along the way will help you pick up tricks and techniques in this new territory. It might also inspire even more bravery and creativity when it comes to getting to know your two new breast friends.

Although you might feel a bit lost right now, remember that sex play is something that is learned — not a skill-set imbedded in a person's genes. And, the best part is that learning about your partner's likes and dislikes and what makes her feel excited, safe, or loved can be a great way to build trust and intimacy in your relationship. 

May your new breast adventures be titillating for both you and your partner!

Last updated Dec 11, 2015
Originally published May 28, 1999