What responsibilities does a family have to a family member who's in AA?

Dear Reader, 

Supporting a child through recovery can feel overwhelming. It’s often hard to know when to step in and when to step back. While there’s no single “right” way to support your daughter, there are meaningful choices you can make to help her feel heard and respected. Keeping alcohol out of the house might help to reduce triggers that increase the urge to drink. Genetics may also be a risk factor for alcohol use, but there’s many factors that can influence people’s alcohol use. 

How can you support a family member in recovery from alcohol use? 

There is no set rule to what responsibilities you have as a husband, father, mother, etc., to your daughter in recovery. There are many ways you can be a solid support system for your daughter: 

• Use informed language. Referring to her as “someone struggling with alcohol use” rather than labeling her as “an alcoholic” can help reinforce that your daughter is trying to improve her relationship with alcohol. It also underscores that her drinking habits aren’t a personal failing. You may also follow her lead in how she talks about herself and mirror her language.  
• Acknowledge her progress. The path of recovery isn’t often straight. Milestones that may appear small, such as a certain number of sober days, can represent significant effort. Celebrating or positively naming those moments can help your daughter stay motivated. 
• Be a thoughtful listener. Listening to her experiences can also help her feel validated. Comments like “that sounds difficult, intense, or important” can let her know you’re listening without judgment. Comments like “it doesn’t seem that bad” or “you could just cut back” may be meant to comfort your daughter, but they can come across as minimizing or dismissive to her experience.  
• Understand that internal struggles are hard to see. What you see on the outside might not reflect what’s happening internally. Many people who struggle with alcohol use are still able to manage work, relationships, and daily responsibilities. Their mental health or the severity of their situation may not always be visible.  

Should you keep alcohol at home? 

Understanding what makes it easier or harder for your daughter to stop drinking may help answer this question. Certain situations, environment, or emotions may cause people struggling with alcohol to drink. Speaking with your daughter can help you know what may support her most.  

Some people struggle simply being around alcohol or being in places where alcohol is often consumed. If your daughter struggles with these things, keeping alcohol out of the house and not drinking in front of her may be a way you can support her. Planning events that don’t revolve around alcohol, or staying away from bars, can also help.  

If her emotions are a factor in what leads her to drink, being a good listener and being available to help her manage the emotions can help.  
 

Does alcoholism run in families?  

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a medical diagnosis characterized by excessive alcohol use that impairs the body, thoughts, and behavior. Having a family history of AUD can increase a person's risk of developing it themselves. Genetics can play a role in how someone’s body and brain respond to alcohol, which may make them more vulnerable. However, since multiple genes are involved, having some of these genes doesn’t mean that a person is guaranteed to have an AUD.  

That being said, genetics are only part of the picture. Psychological factors such as anxiety, depression, or trauma can increase AUD risk, too. Environmental influences such as social circles where alcohol is common or early life experiences with alcohol can also contribute to someone developing AUD.  

For more information on screening and treatment options for problems with alcohol use, feel free to check out the “Alcohol: When is it a Problem?” Factsheet. 

How can you take care of your mental and emotional health as a family member? 

Supporting someone in recovery can be emotionally demanding. It’s ok to set boundaries and take care of yourself, too. There are also groups for families and loved ones of people struggling with alcohol, such as Al-Anon. These groups may be helpful in connecting with other families and finding support through community. 

At the same time, you might also consider giving your daughter the space she needs to recover on her own. Trying to take too much control over how your daughter recovers could make both you and your daughter feel overwhelmed.  

Your daughter doesn’t have to navigate her recovery alone, and neither do you. 

Take care,