What does it mean to be disinterested in sex?

Dear Reader and Curious, 

Many people use both frigidity and sexual apathy as terms to describe disinterest in sex. The feelings that people have around sex can be quite varied, ranging from lack of desire to an aversion to sex entirely. Some may be distressed by these feelings, while others aren’t. Some other terms you may come across when talking about this range of experiences include low libido and even asexuality.  

Is it normal to be disinterested in sex? 

Lots of people have little to no interest in sex! In fact, some studies estimated that nearly half of all women in the United States experience challenges when it comes to their sexuality, with a low degree of interest in it being the most common.  

It’s also completely normal for your libido to change over the course of your life. There’s much less research about low libido in men, which may be because men face more societal pressure to perform as ‘sexual beings.’  

If you’re disinterested in sex, does that mean you’re asexual? 

Maybe! Asexuality (sometimes shortened to ace) is a sexual orientation (like ‘gay’ or ‘straight’). People of all sexual identities may be disinterested in sex. However, people who identify as asexual don’t experience sexual attraction to others.  Much like other sexual orientations, asexuality exists on a spectrum. Some ace people may still participate in or enjoy sex, while others don’t.  

Additionally, people who are on the ace spectrum may experience varying levels of sexual attraction. While some may never feel sexual attraction towards others, some may very infrequently (graysexual) or in specific circumstances (demisexual). Researchers have consistently found that about one percent of the population is somewhere on the asexual spectrum. 

What can cause a disinterest in sex? 

There are many physical, social, and cultural factors that contribute to your natural level of interest in sex—everybody starts in a different place! For some, their disinterest may come from their libido (or lack of). Your libido can change depending on the relationship you’re in, your levels of self-confidence or attraction to your partner, your age, and even stress or sleep deprivation. These changes to your libido can be situational or long-lasting. But it can also vary from one minute to the next and anywhere in between! 

Can disinterest in sex be a larger concern? 

Sometimes, but not always! First, it may be helpful to distinguish between an aversion in sex and a disinterest to it. Someone experiencing an aversion to sex may avoid all sexual contact with others. Some may even feel disgust towards it. On the other hand, someone who’s disinterested in sex may simply not be interested in seeking it out. For example, someone who’s disinterested in sex may not have spontaneous sexual fantasies. However, they may be able to become aroused when intimate with a partner and they may enjoy the experience when it occurs. 

Sometimes disinterest and aversions may be caused by external factors. Some people with a disinterest in sex may have a sexual function disorder, such as hypoactive sexual desire disorder, also called HSDD. If that’s the case, a health care provider can help you navigate a fulfilling romantic and sex life if that’s something you’re hoping for. People with an aversion to sex may experience these feelings due to a traumatic sexual history or by a physical condition like vaginismus. 

For people who are ace, disinterest in sex or an aversion to it may simply reflect their sexual identity. It depends on how they experience their sexuality. However, that doesn’t mean that their disinterest or aversion is associated with medical issues or past trauma. 

Hope this info gives you a bit more insight into the terms in question!