We both have herpes 1 & 2 — will having sex cause more outbreaks?

Dear Reader,

Living with herpes can be challenging, so your boyfriend is lucky to have such a caring and savvy partner. You're correct that after being infected, your body develops antibodies to both strains of the virus. In practical terms, this means that since both of you already have HSV-1 and HSV-2 you cannot be "re-infected" nor will you cause each other to have more outbreaks.

After your first or "primary" herpes outbreak, future flare-ups are determined by the status of your immune system — not exposure to an infected partner. Outbreaks usually become less frequent and less severe over time. The average number of outbreaks is about four to five a year for people with genital herpes and one a year for oral herpes. Since you already have both kinds of herpes, having sex while your partner has an active sore or is going through viral shedding will not trigger an outbreak.

As long as the relationship is monogamous, both partners have the same type of herpes infection(s) (known as a seroconcordant couple),  and both partners are free of other sexually transmitted infections, it's not necessary to use barrier methods like condoms or dental dams. Friction can aggravate herpes sores and slow healing, so you may want to avoid getting it on when one of you has an outbreak for comfort reasons. On a related note, some folks with herpes actually seek a partner who has the same strain(s) of herpes, that way there's no risk of passing on the virus.

As you mentioned, there is a very small possibility of spreading the herpes infection to other parts of your body. For more background, take a look at the related Go Ask Alice! questions, and seartch the archives for Reproductive and Sexual Health related questions.

To find out more about herpes, you may want to talk with a health care provider. Unfortunately, it sounds like you received some less-than-accurate information in the past, so you may want to seek out a provider who specializes in sexual and reproductive health care and/or has experience treating patients with herpes. For more information and support check out Herpes Resource Center, a website run by the American Sexual Health Association.

Dealing with herpes isn't always easy, but good information can benefit your health and your relationship. Since you and your boyfriend share the same diagnoses, you can focus on each other instead of worrying that herpes will get between you!