Tremendous testicles

Dear Alice,

I'm on my school's track team and I don't know if I'm doing something wrong. When I run, my testicles seem to get in the way and are sore afterward. They seem too big. Is that possible? The jocks I've tried don't help much and we are issued stretch shorts that don't hide them well at all! It's embarrassing and sometimes it hurts to ride my bike, too. They have always been that size but is there something else I can do?


Dear Wondering,

So, your cup runneth over. Like penises, breasts, vaginas, hands, feet, noses, and almost every other endowment, testicles and the sack (scrotum) that they sit in vary in size, shape, and texture. The degree to which this hormone- and sperm-producing hardware descends differs from man to man, too. Temperature sometimes plays a role as well: "your boys" pull closer to your body when you are cold, and "hang out" when your thermometer is in the comfort zone. This automatic action keeps sperm at their required temperature (don't worry, you don't have to pack your privates in ice before your next track meet).

Have you tried wearing underwear or a jock strap one size smaller than the ones you usually sport? If they don't cut off your circulation when you're moving about, these briefer briefs might give you that extra support you need to both reduce your pain and reduce your anxiety about how you look in shorts. Staying with sporting goods, do you have proper shock-absorbers? Do you wear shoe cushions and sneakers that help buffer the violent pounding of many athletic endeavors that rattle even the tiniest of testicles? The same goes for your bike seat: additional padding is often essential for a smoother ride.

If you're strolling around in shame over your bountiful basket, you may be surprised to learn that you are actually the envy of your teammates — some of whom have no doubt contemplated stuffing their stockings with a sock or potato to boost their profiles.

Last updated Jul 10, 2015
Originally published Sep 06, 1996

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