Is it possible to have orgasms after childbirth?

Dear The Way We Were, 

Changes in sexual function are a common effect after giving birth, but the good news is that sexual pleasure and orgasms are still possible. Having a baby can change a lot of things—your relationship, your sleep schedules, and yes, your sex life. So, your wife’s body and both of your emotions may need some time before feeling like you’re back on track. This time may even be a great opportunity for some productive communication and creativity in the bedroom. 

How can birth change your sex life? 

Giving birth can change a number of things in your life, including your sex life. Namely, raising a newborn can come with a whole new set of responsibilities—so it might be harder to find the time to yourselves. It may take time for your wife to adjust to the emotional changes that can come with having a newborn, navigating a changed body, and managing a new routine.  

Plus, your wife’s body has been through a lot. Hormones fluctuate a lot post-birth, especially if she’s breastfeeding. This can cause a decrease in libido or natural lubrication, which may naturally make sex seem less appealing or comfortable. This can also impact a person's ability to orgasm.  

Before just assuming everyone’s ready to dive back in, try having a conversation with your wife to see if she’s on the same page. If you start to give things a go and then decide you’d rather dial it back a bit, that’s perfectly fine; communication is key. 

How long after birth until you can resume your sex life? 

Most health care providers recommend waiting until about six weeks after giving birth to have penetrative sex. That said, it might take longer for the person who gave birth to feel excited and fully ready (both mentally and physically). Some people feel more in touch with their bodies after giving birth, while others can feel uncomfortable and might need more time.  

Depending on how she gave birth (vaginally or cesarean), she might have scars or tears that need to heal. She may also experience pain or discomfort being in certain positions. Even once you return having sex, things may feel a little different. Some things that may have felt good before may feel different or uncomfortable, and some people even report that their G-spot moved after birth! The point is, this timeline depends on your wife and how she feels she’s healing both mentally and physically post-birth. 

Is it possible to have orgasms after childbirth? 

In some cases, it can take some time for sexual function or orgasm frequency to increase or come back all together after giving birth. Research broadly shows that many people are less likely to experience orgasm soon after giving birth, for various physical and emotional reasons. But this does not mean the ability to orgasm will never return for these individuals. It may just take some time.   There’s no guarantee that sex will be the same as it was before pregnancy, but some creativity and patience may be just what the doctor ordered to get things going again!  

How can you support your partner in resuming sex after childbirth? 

Overall, the best thing you can do to make your return to sex as smooth as possible is to communicate with your partner. If your wife isn’t sure what she wants or what she’s ready for, you could encourage her to try solo masturbating. It might be easier for her to figure out what does and doesn’t feel good by herself first, where she has complete control and can stop and start as needed. Then, once she is comfortable, she can let you know when and how to get involved.  

No matter what you do, a good rule is to be gentle. Like, really gentle. Remember, your wife just went through some pretty drastic changes for almost a year and then gave birth. Some other tips include: 

• Starting slow, and depending on how things go, maybe keep going slow.  
• Try touching her with something other than your body. Something like a soft fabric can feel fresh and exciting as well as comforting. 
• Try exploring a bit! A pilot might tell you that items may have shifted during landing—in this case, items may have shifted during labor. Some areas may feel more or less pleasurable than they did before.  

If you and your wife are having trouble reaching mutual pleasure or could use some help communicating about it, you might want to consider reaching out to a mental health provider or sex therapist for additional support.  

Have fun finding new ways to get some new-parent pleasure!