Oral sex etiquette

Dear Alice

I tried looking through all of the letters, and even tried searching, but I didn't see anything pertaining to this:

I've never had a blow job, but would like one...some day...:) I was wondering, if, when you peak, if it's acceptable to just let yourself cum inside the person's mouth? Should you give a warning? Should you attempt to restrain from it?

I realize this question may sound rather juvenile, but who else can I turn to?

Dear Reader,

Healthy, democratic sex means that both parties involved agree with what's goin' down. When the big day arrives, you can, and should, turn to your partner. You can say something such as "where would you like me to cum — in your mouth, or somewhere else?... I'll tell you when I'm about to go,... or I'll bark,... or something." Of course, s/he may let you know the answer before you even ask the question. It's up to each participant to get and give permission, whether the sex is oral, vaginal, anal, or whatever. You and your partner can use your imaginations to create the clearest, smoothest, and hottest ways of communicating this important information.

Here are a few fellatio tips: if your partner has never had cum in his or her mouth, s/he may want to try a “taste test” beforehand in order to know what to expect. In addition, the receiver can wear a male condom during oral sex. This will allow both partners to experience the act all the way to the final curtain, while keeping semen contained. What’s more, male condoms can protect against oral-genital transmission of STIs, including herpes.  

Your question is hardly juvenile — it sounds pretty mature and responsible. Speaking of responsible, there are lots of oral sex and STI (sexually transmitted infection) Q&As in the Go Ask Alice! Sexual and Reproductive Health archives that you might want to review — if you haven't already done so.

Last updated Jul 14, 2015
Originally published Dec 11, 1997

Can’t find information on the site about your health concern or issue?