Is male virginity detectable?

Dear Your Little Confused Italian and Reader 2,  

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not possible to determine whether someone has had sex by looking at their body. Some people might look at breaking of the penile frenulum or tightness of the anal sphincter to figure out if someone has had sex. The reality is that no matter the type of sex someone has, there are no physical signs that can prove it. The concept of “virginity” assumes that people physically change after having sex for the first time. In fact, virginity is neither a medical or scientific term. Regardless of the type of sex you’re having, going slowly and using enough lubricant can prevent any breaks or bleeding that might put a tear in the mood.  

Can the penile frenulum break during sex?  

Yes, it’s possible for the penile frenulum to break during sex, but its uncommon. The frenulum is a thin piece of tissue running from the head of the penis to the bottom of the shaft. The frenulum is small and has many nerve endings with blood vessels. A tear is most likely to happen during your first time if you have a short or tight frenulum. It can also tear at any point during vigorous sex. However, these tears are uncommon.  You can prevent any anatomical plot twists by going slowly with penetration and using plenty of lubrication. These steps can help reduce friction that might cause a tear.                     

What should you do if your frenulum tears?  

A torn frenulum might be a bloody surprise, but you can usually treat it easily at home. If you notice a tear, you can rinse the area with clean water and apply antibiotic ointment with a bandage. You might experience bleeding and a dull, aching pain for a few days.  

While the tear is healing, consider:  

• Avoiding sexual activity until bleeding and pain has stopped
• Wearing loose underwear and clothing bottoms
• Replacing the bandage daily and keeping the injury covered
• Avoiding soaking the injury in water
• Using water-based lubricant when resuming sexual activity, to prevent it from tearing again 

List adapted from Healthline  

Although frenulum tears usually heal quickly, infections or frequent tearing could lead to more serious problems. You may want to speak with a health care provider if you’re experiencing:  

• Severe pain that doesn’t go away
• Bleeding that soaks through a bandage within an hour
• Signs of infection, including swelling, warmth, puss, or unusual discharge
• Repeated tearing, even with light sexual activity or exercise
• Fever
• Frequent urination or urine that’s cloudy or bloody  

List adapted from Healthline 

Is it possible to detect that someone’s had anal sex?  

No, there’s no way to detect whether someone’s had anal sex. It's a misconception that the strength of the anus muscles decreases if you have anal sex. In fact, measuring the strength of the anus muscles is as accurate as flipping a coin in knowing whether someone’s had anal sex.  

Although some people experience anal bleeding or tearing (also known as an anal fissure) during their first time, it doesn’t happen to everyone and should heal quickly.   

How can you prevent bleeding or tearing during anal sex?  

You can lower your risk of bleeding or tearing by using plenty of lubricant and gradually starting penetration with smaller objects like fingers or anal beds. Consider taking it slow when you move up to penetration with a penis or larger sex toy. Your first time might be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be painful.  

If you have tearing after sex, taking a warm bath and using an analgesic cream can reduce pain until the area heals. Constipation can worsen anal tearing so staying hydrated and incorporating fiber into your diet is important if you’re planning on having anal sex. If you experience severe pain, bleeding that doesn’t go away, or frequent bleeding after sex, consider speaking with a health care provider.  

Your body doesn’t change after sex, regardless of whether its vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Therefore, it’s impossible to know if someone’s had sex without asking them. Although penile frenulum tears and anal tears and bleeding are possible after sex, you can prevent these risks by using plenty of lubricant and taking it slow.  

Here’s to a first time that’s as pain-free and as pleasurable as possible!