Dear Alice,

I've caught my boyfriend watching TV a few times when I was giving him oral sex. I find this strange. What could this mean?

Dear Reader,

So you're going down on your boyfriend and you realize his attention is divided between you and American Idol. What this might mean to your boyfriend is one question to explore. How his behavior affects you is another question. Starting with the latter, how have you reacted when you've noticed this? You said you find it strange, but there may be more behind that. Does it also feel disrespectful? Neglectful? Has it been insulting or upsetting to you? Has it hurt your feelings or do you feel simply curious about it? It would not be out of the ordinary to feel unhappy about it. Intimate moments with someone you really care about may easily feel less intimate when something like this comes up.

The question about your reaction matters because it may be time to explore this issue with him. What would it be like to share with him the fact that you have noticed him sneaking a peek at the tube during intimate moments? What would it be like to share with him how it impacts you? Whether a sexual partner is brand new or longstanding, communication is the key to improving the goings-on in the sack. Do you think he would be open to such communication? If he isn't, this may be good information for you.

Now, to examine your other question. What might it mean that your boyfriend watches the tube while you're chompin at the bit? Well, one possibility is that the TV is simply left on when you two start to get it on. He may be into what you're doing, but he gets distracted by something on the screen. Could you shut off the TV in advance of getting intimate? Sometimes people like to leave the television or radio on during sex because the noise can buffer the intensity that often comes with being so close to another person. Have you noticed his attention being divided during other bedroom activities with you? Or does this seem to be a fellatio-specific phenomenon? What about when you two are spending quality, non-sexual time together? Noticing whether or not his attention is often divided or whether it is situation-specific may give you some clues as to the meaning behind the TV ogling, but there is no way to really know without asking.

Before you get close again, you may want to express your concern. It may be worth letting him know that you'd like him to tune into you when you're together. Expressing your feelings, and working together on ways to enjoy your time with each other, may do the trick.


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