Dear Alice,

I recently have begun having sexual relations with one of my professors. I know that it in itself is kind of wrong but I can't help it. He has told me that he is divorced but new evidence has come to my attention that allows me to believe he may be married with children. I've confronted him but he always avoids my questions with kisses. I think I am falling in love but I don't want to share him. What should I do?


I want to get an "A"

Dear I want to get an "A,"

If you truly want to get an "A" in your course, it is much more important that you work for it academically, rather than by building a relationship with your professor. This way, your grade will be based upon the knowledge and skills that you have demonstrated in the course. Now, if you want to get an "A" in the game of life, you may want to take a second to reflect on what you have written:

  • Your professor told you that he was divorced;
  • You suspect, with new evidence, that he is married with children;
  • You have confronted him, but he always avoids your questions; and,
  • You say you are falling in love with him, and do not want to share him.

Not only may you be getting involved with a deceptive and evasive professor, but he also has power over your grade. Is this a choice you are comfortable with? Is this your idea of a healthy relationship? In addition, it is important to be aware of your university's policy on sexual and romantic relationships between students and professors. For example, Columbia's Consensual and Romantic Relationships Policy prohibits relationships between teaching assistants/professors and students. You can read more about this policy on the Office of Equal Opportunity and Affirmative Action website. If this is a relationship that you really want to pursue, you should at least wait until he is no longer your professor.

If you truly believe you cannot change your feelings about this professor, you may want to speak with a professional counselor at your university. S/he can help you understand your feelings, and ultimately decide what you feel comfortable with. If you are a Columbia student, you can make an appointment with Counseling and Psychological Services online or by calling x4-2878.

Wishing you many "A"s in the game of life,




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