Week of:
Jun 07, 2019

Tell my current partner I'm bisexual?

Dear Alice,

I am a bisexual woman who is dealing with my sexuality... sort of. I'm still a virgin in both instances, but I know I'm attracted to both sexes. I'm currently in a (new) relationship with a guy, and for some reason, we've never really gotten around to asking questions about each other, health conditions, near death experiences, sexual history, etc. Should I tell him I've had girlfriends before? Even if there wasn't any sex? Is it my responsibility to tell him or is this information on a privileged basis only??

— Ms. Confidential

How do I know if I'm gay?

Dear Alice,

I have a problem. I've never considered myself gay, but I have begun to care for my best friend a little more than I think I should. I get jealous when he finds a woman he likes, and begins going out with her, and I have become very protective of him, since he is a few years younger than me. I don't know if I am just a little jealous that he is able to find someone, and I am not, or if I am gay and am beginning to like him in that way. When I think about it, he fits my idea of my perfect mate. And I often wonder what his penis size is. Help me. Do you think I am gay, or just suffering from jealousy and penis envy?

Rumor control

Dear Alice,

There's a rumor going around that I'm either gay or bisexual, and I have no idea how it got started because I've never said anything about anything to anyone! But it's spreading rather quickly and is causing me great psychological pain and I don't know what to do.

Signed, HELP!

My hookup didn't say she was trans

Hello Alice!!!

I have read your Q&A files and I haven't run across the problem that I have had. Here's the scenario as follows: I am a twenty-two-year-old heterosexual male. I lived in a big city. I went out to find a girl to date with. I ran into this woman who was really very attractive, long hair, dressed very neatly, and had the body to go with it. So we chatted for a while and we ended up at her place. Well, everything seemed like all systems were go. We went into her bedroom and we took our clothes off in the dark. Then we got kind of hot and heavy, and I massaged her breasts and nipples and then reached down to finger her clitoris, only to find she did not have the stamp of a female but of a male. I immediately jumped out of the bed and turned on the light and saw that she was a he. He was a transvestite. Of course, I got the hell out of there.

Now, this was just the first time that had happened to me; this happened to me two other times and I was really out of my wits as to how I could have made such a mistake. I finally did find a girl through a church group and I confided to her and she showed me her female genitals and she was very female. My question is this. How can I find out if a girl is really a female? Do I have to ask every girl to show me her sex in order to be sure that she is female? I really don't know the answer to this situation. Please help...

— Really concerned and confused