Week of:
Mar 30, 2018

Long distance relationships: Giving it a go!

Dear Alice,

I am a recent college graduate who has fallen for a girl that has just begun college on the west coast. Before she left, I told her how I felt about her, more or less, and she reciprocated the same emotions. How can I give this a good go? I know that long distance relationships (LDRs for short) are very difficult to maintain, but is there any sound advice that you can think of? I don't want to stifle her, but I definitely don't want to lose her either.

— Helpless

Relationship becomes a long distance one

Dear Alice,

I am 18 years old and will begin college in a couple weeks. My boyfriend, however, has one more year of high school to complete. We've been together for just over seven months, and I've chosen a school that is only about twenty minutes from home. We have a wonderful relationship, and he has grown to be one of my best friends. As the time approaches for me to move into my dorm, we've both been troubled with apprehensive feelings. You see, we're used to being at the same high school and living within walking distance of each other. We've had several talks about this, and have agreed that we want to give it our all and try to adapt to our changing circumstances. Still, I'm scared and I know that he is, too. Is it possible for people accustomed to spending so much time together to cope with separation? What can we do to make the transition (and the next year) easier on one another?

Can our relationship survive summer break if we haven't had sex yet?

Dear Alice,

I am a 19-year-old college student and am seriously involved with my boyfriend who is a 20-year-old college student. We have even talked of getting married someday. Our relationship is very close and we talk about everything, and he is very wonderful and supportive. I feel very committed to him and would really like to have sex with him. We have tried twice, but it hasn't really worked out because my vagina is too tight. I am pretty sure the problem is just that it needs to be stretched more, because I have been to the gynecologist and don't have any infections. He says that he is okay with whatever we do and that he loves me no matter what, but I still feel guilty about not being able to go all the way. How do I get over this guilt? I will be leaving college for the summer soon and we will be separated for awhile and I want to make sure that our relationship is as solid as possible before I leave so we have the absolute best chances of surviving the summer!

Another long distance relationship

Dear Alice,

I have been involved in a relationship with my girl for over a year now. We both love each other and are very happy. We met in college and spent the summer together in an apartment. Both of us have two years of college left, but unfortunately we do not attend the same school. The problem is that I fell "in love" with her by the end of the summer and then suddenly we were separated.

We had many discussions about our relationship and she told me that she is not ready to commit to eventually be married one day. Here is where the problem is: I starting college this spring and my girl is stuck in Maine. I just want to know if I am wasting my time on a long distance relationship with no promise of resulting in marriage after our college years. The thought also occurred to me that when she starts college, will she be so committed to this long distance relationship? I just don't want to be played for a fool.

— Nice Guy or Fool?

Long distance and lacking communication

Dear Alice,

My girlfriend and I have been dating long distance for about seven months. I have found out through keen observation and affirmation from an old roommate of hers that she is a rape victim. For the last three months or so she has been going through a lot of changes with job acquisition, living conditions, and I don't know what else. In this time, communication between us has grown to an insignificant level (in my opinion). It seems as though she is putting her job, spiritual drive, personal life, etc before me. Almost to the point that she doesn't want to include me. I think this has something to do with the rape issue and her ability to trust people. I think she may be unable to believe that I could love her unconditionally.

I have been thinking my situation over and don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart but I am receiving virtually nothing from this relationship right now. Do I hold on to her and give her the space to come to grips with her life and hope that I will be in the big picture later on, or do I end it on the condition that she needs time for herself to decide if I am an important part of her future life? Please respond because I'm crawling out of my skin.

— Bubbles