Dear Alice,

I performed oral sex on a guy last night, and it only took him like 30 seconds to come. I stopped after that, and then he said something like, "Wow, that was quite fast." I didn't know if he meant I went too fast and should have kept going, but I didn't see any reason to keep going if he already came. Or, do you think that he was referring to how long it took him to come? It was fast. I guess my question is, is that normal for a guy to come after only like 30 seconds? Did that mean I did a good job, he, he? :o ) Thanks

Dear Reader,

Hard to say which elements of your oral sex session figured large and small into your partner's ejaculation rate, as each participant brings a unique mix of complex physical and emotional ingredients that affect thoughts, blood flow, arousal, sensitivity, and other important sex components. These factors determine the intensity and duration of erections, amount of lubrication, sharpness of the senses, and yes, the length of time between the start of arousal and orgasm. Combine all that with the pressure, texture, temperature, and movement of tongues, lips, fingers, et al, and it becomes pretty difficult to determine and predict, from sex play date to sex play date, what will happen and how long it will take.

For some guys, going from "zero to sixty," or in your partner's case, from "zero to thirty," is their standard stimulation to ejaculation time, while others get revved-up for ten minutes, a half-an-hour, or more before climaxing. If a guy feels as though he comes too quickly (usually called premature ejaculation) and longs for more time to enjoy the stimulation that precedes orgasm, he and his partner can try some different things to "last longer." The Related Q&As listed below describe these methods.

If this partner is someone you'll see again, you might come right out and ask him if what you're doing feels good, and if he'd like you to go faster, slower, harder, softer, etc. Since there are two of you, he can also check in with you to see if you're having a good time. You may have done a "good job," as you put it; the way to find out for sure is to use your mouth in another way and have a conversation about the sex you're having — something that you can also do before you have it as a route to consensual, safer, and more pleasurable relating sexually, or just as two people who care about each other.


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