Italian ice breakers

Hi Alice,

First of all, you excuse my English as I’m Italian guy. My problem is that I’m good looking guy... good career... I have many friends... girls and boys (I’m straight). But, many of the girls that I know seemed to be interested with me more than friends (I like this feeling). But, the problem is I can't do the move to break the ice. I always wait for her to take the first step and she's waiting for me to initiate. So, please tell me how to break this ice with cool way.

Dear Reader,

Ciao bel ragazzo! Ti abbiamo capito perfettamente.

Since you're already friends with these women, you're in a good position to warm things up a little if that's what both of you desire. Think for a moment about one of these potential romantic partners: what sorts of things would you like to do with her as a girlfriend that you might not do now as regular friends? Other than sex, might it be spending some extra time with her, paying her extra attention, looking into her eyes a little longer and more intensely than usual, or touching her on the hand, arm, or shoulder in a way that communicates more than just friendship? Taking any of those actions might catch her fancy. What about proposing some romance-enhancing outings: dinner at an intimate, candlelit restaurant; getting coffee and going for a walkabout in your neighborhood; or a trip to a museum? The simple use of words may melt the ice: "I really enjoy spending time with you — I'd like to get together more often, if you'd like to as well"; or the more direct, "Would you ever want to go out on a date?"

If after you approach this special friend among your group and determine that you're both interested in taking the next step toward romance, let the heat between you melt away the ice that now keeps you frozen in friendship. These good vibrations may eventually move you to hold hands, lock arms, and even kiss. Though it can seem daunting, it might be reassuring to know that it can be the simplest of gestures or statements that starts you down a romantic path.

It's also worth mentioning that cultural expectations and sayings vary; however, sometimes just taking a chance and expressing yourself to someone is the best ice breaker of all. Do keep in mind that differences and norms from culture to culture may lead to some folks misinterpreting cues, especially nonverbal signs (such as body language or other ways you communication your feelings without saying anything at all). For this reason, using actual words and being upfront and honest may help you mitigate communication challenges and ensure you're both sharing the same feelings and desires. You may also want to check out the related Q&As for other thoughts and ideas on pursuing romance.

As the saying goes: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

E buona fortuna,

Last updated Jan 15, 2016
Originally published May 21, 1999

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