Beach blanket boners

Dear Reader,

Similar to other readers before you, practical tips on keeping your penis prone are preceded here by a common mantra: sexual arousal while on a beach — nude ones or otherwise — is as natural as erecting a sand castle. Getting excited at the sight of topless and naked beachgoers does not necessarily mean you want to raid their ice chests and fruit baskets. It does signal that you are responding normally to stimuli — maybe remembering this fact will wash away some of your beach-bound anxiety, which can help pump up your erections, too. And, the other sunbathers who might notice that you've brought two umbrella poles instead of one can also keep these physiological facts in mind if your boners get them hot and bothered.

Now, here's that age-old advice for the many in your position who are about to speedo to the seashore or the poolside:

• Steer clear of nude and clothing-optional spots, all-be-this a challenging sport in many countries.
• If the "problem" pops up on swimsuit-required beaches as well, wear attire that will hold your penis in place and/or hide its hardness: a jock or underwear under swimwear, baggy shorts, a long tee-shirt or tank-top, a towel, etc.
• Listen to music and read books to take your mind and eyes off of those around you. Or, prop the book or magazine on top as cover-up.
• Think really hard about Jaws, crabs, the Loch Ness Monster, and other tidal turn-offs.
• Release your sexual energy before you leave the house or hotel.
• Flip over onto your stomach.
• Duck for cover (or go for a swim) in the ocean/sea/lake/pond. If the water is cold, your predicament will likely shrink away all by itself.

Have a great time wherever you are, and try to let the sun, surf, and sand take you away from your cares. Let the lifeguards worry about standing at attention!