Asking for a kiss goodnight?

Dear Alice,

I've always been a guy who has a lot of fun on dates, but performs absolutely awful when it comes to the kiss goodnight (or the first kiss with a girl). I just feel it is awkward and was wondering how a woman likes a guy to go about it. Whether boldly or just asking for a kiss?

Dear Reader,

Just as no two fingerprints are alike, there is no single way to go in for a first kiss. It is definitely important to assess the situation before you take the plunge. Thankfully, there are a few useful tips for figuring out when the moment is right.

Asking sincerely will give her a chance to say how she feels. Tell your date how you feel. For example, "I had a great time tonight... I hope we can see each other again, I really think we hit it off. Would you mind if I kissed you?" Pause so that your date can respond to what you say. Hopefully she'll say things like, "I had a great time, too." Opening the communication lines can also be a great way to ask for a second date.

Reading your date’s body language can help you determine if the moment is right. Positive body language may suggest that your date is interested in a smooch. Check for body language such as relaxed posture, good eye contact, leaning in while talking to you, and listening intently.

Even if you ask politely and read positive body language, it's possible that your request for a kiss may be denied. It may be best to steer clear of a kiss if your date is not very responsive, or doesn’t make eye contact with you. Trying to kiss an unwilling kisser could potentially be embarrassing. You could also harm your chances of a second date by kissing before it's time. Overall, it’s best to keep your communication and body language radar on high during the duration of the date.

Not every date has to end with a kiss. Sometimes, it's better to go on a few dates and work up to the kiss — that is, waiting until both of you feel comfortable enough. And, when you do finally kiss, relax and have fun! Kissing is not a chore — it’s something that both of you can enjoy!


Last updated Jun 30, 2015
Originally published Apr 25, 1996

Submit a new comment


This question is for testing whether or not you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

The answer you entered for the CAPTCHA was not correct.

Can’t find information on the site about your health concern or issue?