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Dear Alice,
There is a girl I know and I took her to the movies. I like her a lot, but I don't know how to tell her, because she thinks we are going to the movies as friends. I would like to go as a little more than just friends. Also, last time we went to the movies she kept rubbing my elbow with hers. Should I put my arm around her or what?
Dear Reader,
Yes, you can wrap your arm around her. Or, you can put your hand next to hers and then gradually and gently begin to hold or intertwine her fingers with yours. Remember to be aware of her response: Is she open to your move? Or does she back away from you? Is she particularly resistant to your action? Or does she smile or seem to welcome your move? Does she seem uncomfortable in any way? A lot depends on reading the signals she gives you -- you can try to gauge her feelings by the looks she gives you, how she responds to what you say, etc. So, let her response to you -- her body language, her facial expression, and her verbal comments -- help guide you on -- whether it's to stay where you are, to proceed further, or to stop and take away your arm or hand.
Alice wonders how you know that she thinks you are going to the movies as friends. Maybe she wants more, too. Perhaps that's why she kept rubbing elbows with you the last time you went to the movies together.
If you decide to test the waters, whatever her reaction, after the movie is over, it would be good to talk with her to help clear up any possible confusion over a potentially awkward situation.
- If she seemed to enjoy the closeness, you can bring up the conversation by saying something like, "I had a really good time with you tonight, and I hope you did, too." (If she agrees, then say: "I'd really like to get together with you again soon. What do you want to do next time? I'll give you a call so that we can make plans.")
- If she didn't seem to show any interest, positive or negative, and you're not sure about how she feels about you, you can say, "Wasn't that a (you fill in the blank) movie? I'm so glad you came to see it with me;" or, "I really enjoyed seeing it with you." You can also take a more direct approach: "I enjoyed spending time with you tonight and I'd really like to see you again, if that's okay with you." (If she seems receptive to this, then say: "Are you hungry? Maybe we can grab some dinner or coffee or something? What do you think?")
- If she was not into it at all, you can tell her, "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable during the movie. I like you a lot and enjoy spending time with you, but if this is moving in the wrong direction for you, please let me know."
- If she didn't seem to show any interest, positive or negative, and you're not sure about how she feels about you, you can say, "Wasn't that a (you fill in the blank) movie? I'm so glad you came to see it with me;" or, "I really enjoyed seeing it with you." You can also take a more direct approach: "I enjoyed spending time with you tonight and I'd really like to see you again, if that's okay with you." (If she seems receptive to this, then say: "Are you hungry? Maybe we can grab some dinner or coffee or something? What do you think?")
Based on your letter, it does seem to Alice that you've been given a hint to take a next step. You'll never know what she's thinking unless you try. If you go for it, remember to breathe, relax, and enjoy yourself, too. And, if you discover that she just wants to stay friends, at least you know, so you can move on and pursue someone else who'll be able to return your interest. Good luck.
