Week of:
Nov 10, 2017

Why aren’t we “In a Relationship” online?

Hello Alice,

I've been dating my boyfriend for over half a year now and we have had our share of ups and downs, yet there has always been an issue that has been bothering me throughout our relationship together. My boyfriend has never once posted any pictures of me and him together as a couple. I've asked him on multiple occasions for a picture of us together to be posted on Facebook, yet he continuously refuses to do so, and when asked why not, he gives an explanation of desiring privacy and believing that relationships should not be made public as it appears arrogant. So I let the issue go, as well as the other issue of him never having posted a "In a Relationship” status. His status has never existed and I was initially fine with this until I noticed that there were more pictures of other girl friends rather than of me. This upset me, and I began to have growing concerns as to maybe there was another hidden reason, such as him wanting to appear available and if he were ashamed of me. Should I be concerned or am I analyzing this issue too much?

Miss ex-girlfriend, or is it something else?

Hello there Alice,

I have broken up for about a year and I have never had female problems. I am active (sexually) and never really had problems. But recently, I really started to miss my ex-girlfriend and I have been feeling kind of down. I can usually perform very well in bed, at least that's what my girlfriend says, and the thing is... I can usually have intercourse for two to three hours before coming but recently, I wasn't able to hold it in. I was wondering if it was my depression or something.

I also lost interest in my present girlfriend. She has the finest body a guy could want, but I am just not interested anymore. I kind of want some advice on my depression. Should I get in contact with my ex? Should I tell my girlfriend about this? I also want to know if there are exercises to train a guy to hold in his orgasm? Well, hopefully you can help me out. Thanks.

Signed,
Reconsidering

Don't know if I want my friend back or not

Dear Alice,

My (ex?) best friend and I drifted apart a few months ago because of her new boyfriend and my busy schedule. Before, we were like sisters, but now we just ignore each other. She's recently been trying to contact me, and even though I do miss her more than anything, I haven't been answering her calls. I'm not sure if I want her back in my life. There were certain things about our friendship that didn't seem right. There were things we couldn't/wouldn't tell each other. She also liked to make me feel unimportant. I know this makes it seem like we never were true friends, but we meant everything to each other. I just don't know if I should let her back in or not? Please help?

Why did she break up with me?

Dear Alice,

I don't know what I did wrong. My girlfriend of one and a half years broke up with me out of the blue. We never fought or argued. I asked her why, she said "I don't know." I asked her what did I do wrong and she said "nothing." She was my first ever girlfriend and I was planning to ask her to marry me. I don't understand what I did wrong. There has to be a reason. Why won't she tell me?

Should we have an open relationship?

Dear Alice,

I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for seven years. My partner and I lived together until last August when he went to Europe to study for a year, and I came to NYC. I had not fooled around with anyone else until recently when I went out with some friends and at the end of the evening, ended up at the apartment of a guy I've known for years. He'd been hitting on me since I moved here last August, so I went for it. It was fun (and safe) and we'd like to make it at least a semi-regular activity. I'm afraid that I'll get too emotionally involved with my "f*** buddy." I find it difficult to separate the physical and the emotional; I won't go to bed with someone unless I really like them.

Also, when my partner finishes up in Europe, he'll be going back to his job in Boston, but I'll still be in NYC. I don't know how often we'll get to see each other. We have had such a great seven years together, but I'm worried about our future, and I've told him as much. I really like being in a relationship, but I'm afraid that as a result of this separation, I'm going to establish some pattern of infidelity or something.

Another question. After my “indiscretion,” I talked to my partner and told him I thought it more sensible if we entered into a "don't ask, don't tell" agreement (before, we'd both assumed that we'd be celibate, although he'd told me it was OK if I had an affair, as long as I was safe). What can you make of all my garbled thoughts?

Thank you,
Lustful and Confused