Straight man wants penis in mouth

Originally Published: October 27, 2000 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: October 21, 2011
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Alice,

I am a straight male who has recently become infatuated with the idea of performing oral sex on another man. Guys don't turn me on at all, but the idea of having a penis in my mouth, for whatever reason, is absolutely scintillating! I don't believe I have any homosexual tendencies, I just want to s... c... What's my deal?

Dear Reader,

Fantasies are a great, safe way to explore exciting events and situations — that we may or may not actually want to do. People may daydream about being James Bond or a Charlie's Angel, a rock star, and/or a famous chef, for example. Or they may dream about playing sports with a pro, having lunch with a senator, or even hooking up with a celebrity. Whether or not we have the ability or actual desire to do these is often secondary to the escape and joy that fantasy provides. Sexual fantasies allow us to explore sexual desires, feelings, and behaviors without actually choosing to do them. In our thoughts and dreams, we can be more aggressive or more passive, in the setting of our choice. Using fantasy or imagination, we can break away from the/our norm for a while.

Often the fantasy of breaking social taboos is erotic. If something you fantasize about, such as performing oral sex on another man, really turns you on, you can decide to keep it in the realm of fantasy or you may decide it is something you really want to do. Sometimes our idealized fantasies, however, are more pleasurable than the real-life activity. When we imagine having sex on the beach, we often omit the realities of mosquitoes, sand where it doesn't belong, sunburns on "tender" areas, the pesky hermit crab that might crawl into your discarded swimsuit, etc. In making fantasies real, be prepared to like it, hate it, be disappointed, relieved, indifferent, or have many other related feelings.

In your email, you mention that "guys don't turn me on at all" and that you don't "have any homosexual tendencies." It doesn't seem as if you are bothered by the fantasies; rather, you are curious about them. Having a fantasy about giving oral sex to someone of the same gender doesn't necessarily connote being gay, as you note. And fantasies involving people you don't typically have sex with are normal; many people have fantasies that they do not intend to act on. If you decide you want to act on your desires, you can take a look at the Related Q&As below.

If you find that you are struggling with a newly found interest in men (or their penises), a sex therapist or counselor may be able to help you better understand your fantasies and deal with your feelings in a more direct way. Since you seem to feel no pressure, you can continue to enjoy the pleasure and heat your fantasies generate. Whether you act on them is up to you.

Alice

October 10, 2006

21107

Dear Reader,

I'm also straight, and as an undergrad I had a similar desire. Mine was brought on more by sexual curiosity than the "scintillating" thought of fellatio. Nonetheless, I acted...

Dear Reader,

I'm also straight, and as an undergrad I had a similar desire. Mine was brought on more by sexual curiosity than the "scintillating" thought of fellatio. Nonetheless, I acted out this fantasy with a gay man I knew. It proved quite unappealing in the end (he didn't come in my mouth), but I satisfied my curiosity — no longer do I have male-to-male fantasies. It's also one memory I really don't appreciate having — no judgment, just personally, the thought of that guy's penis in my mouth is now off-putting to me.

For you, I can't recommend doing or not doing it. However, if the urge is so overwhelming you can't resist, well, do it with somebody you trust, know well, and has been tested for STIs.

July 14, 2006

21082

Alice,

I can totally relate to "Straight man wants penis in mouth." After working with a therapist, we discovered that my desire to do this stemmed not from being a bi or...

Alice,

I can totally relate to "Straight man wants penis in mouth." After working with a therapist, we discovered that my desire to do this stemmed not from being a bi or homesexual, but instead from a desire — or need — to be "bad" or "naughty" in a secretive way. She is convinced something that happened in my childhood is responsible.

Although this realization hasn't stopped my desire to go down on guys, it has reassured me of my sexual orientation (straight), which I was beginning to question.

Hope this helps!