The up side of a long distance relationship

Originally Published: December 6, 1996 - Last Updated / Reviewed On: November 27, 2009
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Alice,

My friend and I have been involved in a long distance relationship for six months now. We keep in touch with each other on a regular basis, calling and visiting each other. I feel that the distance between us will cause our relationship to end. We have been seeing each other for a year and a half. What are our chances of being together in the future?

—Miles away

Dear Miles away,

There's no crystal ball that can predict how long a relationship (long-distance or not) will last, but your current feelings may offer some clues about what the future holds for you and your friend. For some couples distance is a deal-breaker that brings the relationship to a close; however, for others absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

To consider the future of your relationship, it might be helpful to take a few steps back and evaluate your own feelings. Do you still care deeply for your friend, or have your feelings waned after six months apart? Is your relationship still fulfilling, or would you be happier on your own? Depending on how you feel, it may provide clues to a future direction.

Despite how hard it is be far away from someone you care about, distance can be a blessing in disguise. Proximity can lead us to take people for granted, whereas being apart allows us to know someone in a truly different way. The extra effort you both make to keep in touch, whether through phone calls, email, or snail-mail, can foster a special intimacy. In the end, you may learn more about each other's personalities, values, ideas, and dreams than folks who spend time together every day. Face-to-face relationships can grow stale and filled with superficial conversations and few, if any, meaningful heart-to-hearts.

Have you considered talking with your partner about how you're feeling? Maybe s/he is wondering about the same things. If both of you want to be together, then you can begin to strategize about ways to make this happen. Will you need to wait until you graduate? Can one of you transfer schools? Or change jobs? Also leave the possibility open that you may continue in this long-distance arrangement for a while, and that would be okay, too.

Before running away from your long-distance relationship, take time to think about your feelings and ways to make the most out of being apart. There are many "right" ways to be involved in a loving relationship, and only time will tell if yours will last.

Alice

January 6, 2014

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Anylong distance relationships possible, but needs courage, love, and to know that the distance will end some day. Would be better if that date is already fixed.
Anylong distance relationships possible, but needs courage, love, and to know that the distance will end some day. Would be better if that date is already fixed.

October 1, 2012

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I am in a long distant relationship for more than a year now. We kinda skipped the part to "Agree on an End" so we are struggling now on who goes where and when. However the days are getting harder...
I am in a long distant relationship for more than a year now. We kinda skipped the part to "Agree on an End" so we are struggling now on who goes where and when. However the days are getting harder for us, in the end we still go back to why we are in this relationship anyway. We love each other and we are determined to be together after all is settled. We are young and not rushing. I write about it on my blog and get encouragement from a lot of people.

May 7, 2012

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I used to say that I wouldn't date someone that has different area code with me then my girl had to move away for school. I am actually finding long distance relationship to work for us. We were...
I used to say that I wouldn't date someone that has different area code with me then my girl had to move away for school. I am actually finding long distance relationship to work for us. We were boyfriend/girlfriend before she left now we are engaged to be married. One key important thing I see that help in our long distance relationship is completely supporting one another. The biggest thing is to be going through something while you are away and your partner is not backing you up. We find it so difficult nowadays for people believe in long distance or difficult for others to cope with it since they don’t know what to do. We even started our own site as part of our way to cope with relationship. Just like this article, I posted things that are similar to these tips that can help and that I have helped me.

February 10, 2009

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Dear Alice,

I've been transferred (job) to the west coast while my other half still lives in the east. I found this to be one of the best things that had happened to us. Being far away helped us...

Dear Alice,

I've been transferred (job) to the west coast while my other half still lives in the east. I found this to be one of the best things that had happened to us. Being far away helped us realize that we love each other more than we thought and reinforced our commitment. Two moths after I moved he proposed and we are planning our marriage and, above all, we're planning to get back together in 6-8 months. Of course one of us would have to give up the current job and look for another. I decided that I will do it since California is such an expensive state where is nearly impossible to find a place where to raise a family and grow old.

My advice is not to panic... if you guys love each other very much you're going to make things work out. Hope this helps.

September 29, 2005

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Dear Alice,

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 1/2 months and it is great! In order to have a sucessful long distance relationship there has to be TRUST! If one of the people...

Dear Alice,

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 1/2 months and it is great! In order to have a sucessful long distance relationship there has to be TRUST! If one of the people in the relationship doesn't trust each other, it isn't going to work. You also have to really LOVE this person if you're going out with someone long distance. I just hope people understand that it's not easy having a long distance relationship, but if you both really want it and if you both work at it, you will be together for as long as you think it will last.

August 25, 2005

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Dear Alice,

I have been in a long distance relationship with my gf for 3 yrs, I do meet her once in 6 months, for a week or so, and we always end up having major fights... over things from where...

Dear Alice,

I have been in a long distance relationship with my gf for 3 yrs, I do meet her once in 6 months, for a week or so, and we always end up having major fights... over things from where to eat to what to do during the day, but then we make up just as hard. I feel that this separation makes the love stronger, though I don't want to be separated, but the last few years have brought out new facets in our relationship. I feel that long distance relationships make communication among partners better. Maybe it's the fact that we were together for 4 years before, but I know what I miss, and it has brought out many good things in both of us.

October 22, 2004

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Dear Alice,

I am responding to the writer in regards to her long distance relationship. In the letter, the writer stated she wasn't sure if there was a future for her and her long distance lover...

Dear Alice,

I am responding to the writer in regards to her long distance relationship. In the letter, the writer stated she wasn't sure if there was a future for her and her long distance lover. I, myself, am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year and we live one hour and thirty minutes away from each other. We only see each other on weekends and, yes, it is hard, but I truly believe that this has been a healthy way to start off for us. I can honestly say this is the best relationship I have ever been in! The distance between us has allowed us to build a strong, healthy foundation for our future. We have all the trust and respect in the world for each other. We already have talked about what the future holds for us. So to the writer, I say, if you're having any doubts at all about your relationship, I wouldn't necessarily blame it on the distance. If it's meant for you two to be together, then it will be! Good luck!

-Long distance lover

October 8, 2004

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Dear Alice,

I have had a long distance relationship for over six months now and it has been working out fine. Most people don't realize these relationships can be better and sweeter because there...

Dear Alice,

I have had a long distance relationship for over six months now and it has been working out fine. Most people don't realize these relationships can be better and sweeter because there is a larger amount of trust. The more you trust your friend, the more you understand the one that you love. Sometimes I feel that the longer we are apart, the closer and more intimate we are.

Long-Distant Responder

May 9, 2004

20632
Dear Alice, I have a comment on The Ups and Downs of Long Distance Relationships. I know that long distance relationships can work. But if they are going to work, both people are going to have to be...
Dear Alice, I have a comment on The Ups and Downs of Long Distance Relationships. I know that long distance relationships can work. But if they are going to work, both people are going to have to be strong. There also has to be trust. If you don't have a strong trust and love for the other person, it's not going to work out. I believe if you really love the person and there is a chance that one day you can be together, then if your heart feels it's right, go for it. Eight months ago, I met a woman named "Jane." We really love each other and trust each other. We are now even engaged. Later on next year, she is going to be moving to where I am and we will be together. But the truth is, sure, right now, I miss her, and only seeing her for a few days each month is hard. But I am strong and I know we will be together one day. Also, at least I get to talk to her everyday. Everyone is different, but if you want to make it work, I am sure you can find a way.

November 12, 1999

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Dear Alice,

I am responding to a letter I read about long distance relationships, The Up side Of a Long Distance Relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for...

Dear Alice,

I am responding to a letter I read about long distance relationships, The Up side Of a Long Distance Relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years and we have been long distance across the country for about a year. I have found that despite some of the disadvantages of long distance, such as not seeing each other for several months and the large phone bills, our relationship has been very successful and if anything, it has gotten better with the time and distance we have had apart. I know that long distances do not work for everyone, but if you put the time and energy into making it work, that is exactly what you will get out and it will benefit everyone involved. I must say along with communication, there also must be a great deal of trust involved and respect. All I am saying is things can work out and not to lose hope because if it is something you both really want and feel in your hearts, the distance is nothing but a minor inconvenience and it does get better.

-Long Distance Lover