Self-mutilation

Self-mutilation is often misunderstood by those who do not have this particular behavioral disorder. They cannot understand why a person would deliberately hurt themselves. People often catagorize it as a "cry for help." The fact is, a self-mutilator doesn't want the world to see their scars. A self-mutilator, for some reason or another, has never learned the vocabulary of expressing how they feel. All the dark, bad emotions bottle up inside until one finds a way to give them a way to escape. Often the "cutter" doesn't consciously make the decision to hurt themselves; they're compulsed to do so. There's a certain relief of seeing yourself bleed, of making yourself hurt on the outside so it doesn't hurt so much on the inside. (It's the same kind of idea as stepping on your toes so your headache doesn't hurt so much.)

There's a common thing that the self-mutilator needs: support. They need to know that someone is there to listen to them, no matter how stupid it may sound to themselves. Sometimes a person slips up; that's normal. Everyone needs to feel loved and cared for, and it's often hard for a self-mutilator to trust anyone with what they lock inside their hearts. How do I know all this? I'm 25-years-old and had started cutting and burning myself at the age of 16. No one knew about it until this year, when I wasn't careful enough to not be seen doing it. It's been about 6 months since I last cut myself, and I long ago gave up burning myself. Every day is a challenge in itself, but I take each day one at a time. And now, I have friends on my side, too.

To those who either engage in self-mutilation or those who live with a self-mutilator, I recommend the book Cutting by Steven Levenkron. I cried so many times reading that book because of how close to home it hit. It not only explains why the disorder surfaces in some people, but it describes how to help self-mutilators.

Thank you, and to all those people who do hurt themselves, you're not alone!!! There is no shame in seeking help to correct something you know isn't right!!!

Some people say that for people like us, people who self-mutilate, it is a way of looking for attention. Although for some people it may be, but for most, it's not. For most, it's a way of feeling better. People who don't hurt themselves don't know what it's like for us (those who do). They don't know the pain we go through and even if others got it worse, self-mutilation is our way of dealing with it. I'm not saying that it's right to hurt yourself, but I'm trying to get across a point that those who don't self-injure shouldn't look at us and pass judgment. I think that this topic is under-looked and should be more talked about to help people understand why we do it. I am a fifteen-year-old female self-mutilator who lives in South Africa and I've accepted my condition and am now looking for help. My parents know about it and haven't quite come to terms with it yet because they don't understand it; they think it's their fault, which it's not. I keep wondering what it would be like to walk around with a short sleeved top or a bikini, and there are many places that I want to go, but don't want to go, like the beach, because even if I wear a full swimsuit, my scars will still be seen. On hot days, I don't want to go out because if I do, I have to cover up most of my body, and it's because of my stupid decisions I now have to live with the consequences. Sometimes I do go out and bare my scars, not because I want to, but because I have to and on the rare occasion when I do go out, the looks I get from people really hurts me in a way I can't explain. It really does hurt and I'm sick and tired of hiding.